


Paradise Lost

by Conduitstreetcat, TheGreenFaerie



Series: Symbiotic Criminal Psychopaths [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Come on it's Mormor, Feelings, M/M, You know they can't keep their hands off each other, adorable little shits, lots of other sex, mormor, we need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-12 04:45:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 51,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15987896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conduitstreetcat/pseuds/Conduitstreetcat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenFaerie/pseuds/TheGreenFaerie
Summary: This is the fourth work in the Symbiotic Criminal Psychopaths series. The first three are:Kiss or Kill: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583459Unholy Union: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923773Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15368880It's recommended you read the other three first, as it's a continuing story and you're going to enjoy it a lot more.Kiss or Kill starts a year after Rooftop Hell, when Sebastian Moran has got sick of pining for his heartless bastard of a boss, and decided to start living again.But Jim Moriarty has other plans....Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WhbgJEQhY7X9J8NgHS3Pc





	1. Your Scorpionic Love

_I’m sleeping peacefully but I know it’s not going to last. I’m keeping my eyes closed but I can feel the darkness creeping up on me and standing around my bed, waiting patiently for me to stir. It’s not going to go away - and I hear someone sobbing. It’s getting louder..._

_I open my eyes to see blackness all around me, but the blackness has eyes, observing me dispassionately, seeing what I’ll do._

_I don’t think I have much choice - I get out of the bed, a simple iron hospital bed, and walk in the direction of the sobbing._

_It’s Mam. Why does that not surprise me..._

_She looks different than yesterday - no blood, and she’s wearing a nice flowery summer dress. Her eyes are puffy and her makeup has run from the crying. She’s clutching a soggy tissue, and is wearing one sandal - I can’t see the other one._

_She looks up at me. “Jimmy...” stretches out her arms._

_Before I know it, I’m kneeling in front of her, holding her, sobbing my eyes out, as she holds me... holds me, like I didn’t kill her..._

_“I’m so sorry... so sorry,” she sobs._

_What?!_

_“*_   _I*_   _am sorry... I killed you... I’m so sorry... I am so sorry Mam... I didn’t know what I was doing...”_

_“You were only a child... and I was the worst mother ever... I hurt you, when I should have protected you...”_

_“You tried... you tried; you took us away from dad... but you were so hurt yourself... and you were so young... you didn’t know what you were doing...”_

_“I didn’t deserve you and Georgie... you were so smart, I never understood what you were saying half the time... and Georgie was so sweet...”_

_“Georgie...” my throat constricts._

_“Georgie is dead, Mam... I couldn’t protect him... I’m so sorry...”_

_“I know darling... he’s here...”_

_She holds out her left arm and Georgie falls into it - I start crying again, she cries, he cries, and for a long time we are just sitting there, holding each other, sobbing._

_“I’m so sorry Mam... Georgie...” I sob._

_“Jimmy. It’s alright. You were twelve, you had suffered at your dad’s and my hands since you were born... you lashed out. I deserved it....”_

_“No Mam... no don’t say that...”_

_We’re a crying hugging mess again..._

_“Jimmy. Even if you would have stayed in prison you’d have been released by now. You finally let yourself out of the prison you built in your mind... now don’t lock yourself up in guilt. Please Jimmy... We’ve been watching you, and we’re so proud of you... building up your entire business from nothing... So clever... you always were my clever Jimmy..._

_And your man... he’s good for you Jimmy. I’m glad you finally let him in... I was worried when you were just treating him bad... like your dad treated you... it’s not right, Jimmy... “_

_She looks at me, earnestly. “He’ll keep you safe, Jimmy. You have to trust him._ _  
_Your trust will be tested... But if you lose faith in him, you’ll be lost... remember that, Jimmy...”__

_Oh great now I have a prophetic mother... well at least her message seems consistent with your augural ex’s. We need to stick together and trust each other. Fine... No problem... it’s not like I’m a paranoid cynic…_

_“You should go back now, Jimmy…_

_I love you. Honest, I do... I have forgiven you. Please forgive yourself._

_Do it for him, if you won’t do it for yourself. He needs you, Jimmy... needs you as much as you need him._

_And do it for us... you’re the only one of our family left. Georgie and I loved seeing you happy... please let us see more of that... ok Jimmy?”_

_“I’ll try...” I choke, and then we hug and I feel tears streaming down my cheeks but it’s not despair, it’s genuine mourning, and it feels healthy..._

_Mam gently takes her arms away, kisses me on the cheek, gets up, walks away, hand in hand with Georgie._

_They don’t look back._

_I guess I should go back to the bed, I think that’s how I’ll get out of here. I look around, but can’t see it. I walk back in the direction I came from, but see nothing._

_Now what?_

_How do I get back?_

_I hear sobbing again - but that’s not Mam - it’s you._

_“Sebastian?!”_

_I start running in the direction of the sound, to see you sitting up in the giant bed, sobbing with your head on your knees._

_“Sebastian? What’s wrong?”_

_You look up, your eyes - like they were in the shower, all those days ago - empty, lost, panicking..._

_“I can’t...” you whimper, “I can’t go back to this...”_

_“What? Can’t go back to what? What’s wrong Sebastian?”_

_“No... Jim... I can’t... can’t go back to you...”_

_You get up, stumble backwards, holding your hands out as if to ward me off, your eyes terrified. Terrified of me._

_“Sebastian no... I need you... please... Please don’t do this... Don’t leave me...”_

_I walk after you, but you look more and more panicked, stumble further back, and then you seem to teeter - fall back..._

_“Sebastian!!!”_

_I cry out and dive towards you, but too late... you’re falling..._

_I look at your receding shape, and dive after you before you’re completely out of sight. Wherever you go Sebastian, I’ll come along... if we survive the fall, and if you’ll change your mind once we get to the bottom..._

 

 

Your eyes fly open, and you throw yourself at me.

My arms move around you tentatively. This isn't part of the dream... is it? I look around the room suspiciously. Mexico – honeymoon -  _Jim_. I pull you closer. I bury my face in your hair, breathe in your scent. Tears spring to my eyes. (Because, of course... if we're conscious, we're crying.)

"I love you..." I whisper to you, cradling your head. "Oh, fuck...  _I love you_..."

 

 

_Oh good you have changed your mind - and we survived the fall - and the night, by the look of things._

_But you look scared and you’re crying - oh god what did *_   _you*_   _dream now? Could we have *_   _one*_   _night where neither of us wakes up in a cold sweat?_

_“I love you Sebastian... I love you my Tiger... it’s alright my darling, I’m here... I’m with you... I love you...”_

_I’m not sure what was going on in your dream; but this seems to be a good thing to say._

_I hold you as close as I can, kiss your shoulder. “Sebastian... my love... what’s wrong? What did you dream?”_

 

 

"It's nothing..." I reassure you, but you look at me with such love and concern, and I sigh.

"In my dream... everything that happened the last five days (five?) didn't happen. You came back from the dead, but everything was the same. I thought maybe I had dreamed all this..." I gesture helplessly at the room, and place my hand against my initials on your heart. "And it was  _too much_. To experience  _all this_  with you, and have it taken away - it felt like the end, like I couldn't go on..." I sniffle. "I backed away and fell off a cliff. And there was something at the end, but I can't remember. I think it stopped me from hitting the ground. I don't think you're supposed to hit the ground in a dream... Anyway. It's not a big deal, we don't need to spend the day processing it."

I smile at you weakly, and wipe the tears from my eyes. "I'm looking forward to our day of relaxing and actually enjoying our honeymoon." I kiss you, and my lips move down to your neck. Mmm. That does feel good...

 

_You’re kissing me, but I’m frozen._

_“Did you - did you say you couldn’t go back to it, before you fell?”_

_No wait - you must have said it out loud, and then tensed as you were falling, and I must have felt that, and integrated it into my dream - we’re not fucking magically linked and having prophetic dreams. I’m not having that. Because if that’s happening then this *_   _is*_   _a dream and I don’t want it to be..._

_please… I don’t want it to be... my Sebastian... don’t take my Sebastian away from me..._

 

 

"Hmm?" I'm still kissing your neck. "Couldn't go back to what... this? Yeah? But it was just another bad dream, it's not like I'm not used to having them... don't worry about it..." I press my lips against yours dreamily.

I pull back when I sense your distress. "It's OK, babe... you don't have to worry about me, I'm fine..." I touch your cheek with my hand, and smile.

 

 

_“I know - but - in my dream, I saw you - and you were backing away from me, saying you couldn’t go back to it, couldn’t go back to me... you looked terrified...and then you fell, into blackness, and... I jumped after you, because I was so scared of losing you...”_

 

 

I blink at you, not comprehending. "I meant - I couldn't go back to the way things were... couldn't go back to - the way you were. Wait...You saw that? You - dreamed it? How...?"

 

 

_“That’s what I’m wondering - you must have talked in your sleep and I must have integrated it into mine - but the fall is still weird. I’m not ready to get some kind of telepathic link with you Tiger - I don’t believe in that shit. I must have picked up on your muscle movement...”_

 

 

"Well, if you don't believe in it... it must not exist, right?" I raise an eyebrow. "I have no idea how it happened. But yes, it's weird. Anyway - it's not like we can figure it out, so... don't worry about it."

And we deserve to have an easy day, for fuck's sake... I return to kissing your neck, pushing all thoughts of the dream out of my head with determination.

 

 

_I love you Tiger. The way you can just dismiss stuff that makes me want to explore every inch of it, and go on with your life - in this case, trying to get me excited, which is usually how you start your day._

_Ok, you’re right, we were going to take it easy today - so let’s not wonder about prophetic mothers and synchronous dreams._

_That’s interesting though... so part of my subconscious does want me to let go of the guilt. And the dream really helped - I feel much less bad than yesterday. I may even be able to have a quiet day..._

_Not that you seem inclined to start the day quietly. You’re nearly devouring my neck and it is certainly having an effect on me... I *_   _love*_   _having you kissing and biting my neck; it makes me weak in the knees..._

_I purr as I grab your hair, push you tighter onto my neck._

 

 

I'm blissfully chewing on your neck, trying to remember not to leave marks. This is so much better than remembering the terrible dream... so stop thinking about it, stupid... you have a purring Kitten in your arms who appears to be more than willing...

I roll you underneath me, and my hands move down to your delicious bottom... grasping it firmly, and pulling you towards me.

 

_Oh my sweet Tiger, you are upset about your dream... and it’s not the first time you dreamed about Old Moriarty..._

_and he has quite an effect on you when invoked when you’re awake as well..._

_A sharp stab of guilt in my chest, almost familiar by now. None the more pleasant for it... but... not today. Today is a day of rest after our intense labours of the past few days._

_And besides, what can I do to dispel the spectre of who I was, apart from showing I’m not that guy anymore? Which I do by being sweet and loving. *_   _Not*_   _by ruminating on it for hours._

_It’s just so fucking hard to switch off..._

_I envy normal people their ability to just... not think about stuff. How do they do it? Just... notice something and go ‘oh’, and get on with their lives?_

_*Speaking*_   _of getting on with lives, you have a very horny Tiger all over you. Seeing as he’s the hottest man you’ve ever met, you might want to be more appreciative._

_I tell my brain to stop hogging the blood that is needed elsewhere, and turn my attention to you; grab your head and kiss you eagerly._

_A day off. No thinking. No worrying. No soul wrenching. Just enjoying each other and our new villa._

_If ever I’ve earned a holiday, it’s after the past few days. So just. Fucking. Relax. Already._

 

 

You're kissing me, but you seem distracted... your head is full of thoughts, isn't it? I can't say I'm surprised... I start to wonder what you're thinking about, but then you're grabbing my head and your kissing grows more passionate.

OK - all systems go! But after your experiences yesterday, I wonder if there's anything you won't want to do? Goddammit, Seb... enough thinking, just ask him, already!

"What do you want, baby?" I purr, running my hands over your body. "What can I do for your pleasure?"

 

_Oooh, when you’re offering up the entirety of the delights you could offer, how is a man to choose?_

_But - I’m not sure - it used to be so easy, either get me off quickly so I can get to work, or devise an exquisite orgy of pain and power..._

_But it’s different now..._

_I do want to hurt and dominate you, I always want to, but I don’t want to *_   _hurt*_   _you, or make you feel uncomfortable, which makes things a lot trickier._

 _Fuck’s sake Moriarty - can you *_   _stop*_   _ruminating for a *_   _few minutes*_   _?! Take a leaf from your Tiger’s book - just ask. That’s how simple it is. Just open your mouth and communicate with your husband._

_“My Tiger... I love you so much... I would really like to hurt you, not too much... just enough to let us both feel that you’re mine... and then I want to take you... use that gorgeous arse of yours for what it was made for - my pleasure..._

_Do you want that?”_

_Damn - your dream though - shit, is that too soon after? Will it remind you of Old Moriarty? Damn –_

_No wait Jim. He’s strong and assertive enough now to say if he doesn’t want something. Isn’t he?_

_I look at you apprehensively - well yes *_   _that*_   _is going to turn him on, isn’t it?_

 _Fuck! Why is this so *_   _hard*_   _?!_

 

It’s so hot to hear you say what you want... especially because it sounds fucking amazing. I had planned to fuck you myself, but there’s plenty of time for that... and there’s  _nothing_  I like more than what you  _want_... your desire is the hottest aphrodisiac under the sun.

“Of course I want that, baby...” I say in a low voice. “Hurt me... show me how I belong to you... take me however you want me, my love...” and just like that I tumble into surrender to you.

“Take your pleasure with me...” I whisper seductively. “I’m yours, Jim...”

 

 

 _Oh god *_   _yes*_   _. Hearing you say those words - is intoxicating. Your surrender to me seems even sweeter when you have a choice - paradoxically._

_Suddenly, I’m ten miles tall, the strongest, most powerful, most confident man in the world. And still so madly in love. It’s so much sweeter than the rigorous control of before..._

_I notice my stomach rumbling and remember I hardly ate last night. Let’s take it easy, shall we?_

_“First of all, I’m hungry... go downstairs and make me a sandwich and a coffee. You can grab something yourself when you’re down there if you want, but you’ll bring just my breakfast up here, on a tray.”_

_You head downstairs and I grab some things, get some stuff ready..._

_Soon you’re coming up the stairs, and I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. You’re carrying a tray with a plate with sandwiches, a large mug of coffee, a glass of orange juice, and - oh god bless you - a single red rose in a small glass vase._

_I smile at you, look you in the eyes - I can almost see the electricity jumping between us - motion to the floor in front of me: “Get on your knees. Hold up the tray for me.”_

 

 

I should have guessed you'd need to go Dominant Jim after yesterday... thank Christ I thought to check in instead of doing what my cock wanted and just taking you. I  _still_  want to... but I'm  _never_  going to say no to getting railed by you. And if my Kitten wants to dominate me, I'm more than happy to oblige him... I grin as I prepare the tray, munching as I do. I suspect servitude is in in my immediate future...

Confirmed when I'm standing in front of you, being devoured by your gaze...

I sink to my knees, staring up at your beautiful face, loving and cruel, and the gleaming black pools of your eyes.  _Dark lord... my dark lord..._

 

_You look scrumptious kneeling in front of me, holding the tray with my breakfast. I take a sandwich and start chewing it - it tastes good, my stomach seems eager to welcome it - excellent. That sleep and the dream really did me good._

_I sip some of the coffee, start eating the other sandwich. You’re strong, but holding up a tray for too long must get heavy, even for you. You seem unfazed though - looking into my eyes with your eyes of blue fire, your mouth slightly open - looking like the very personification of sex, Eros as a human man... suddenly I struggle to swallow my food. I put the second sandwich down, half-eaten, gulp down some more of the coffee, decide it’ll do - put the mug on the nightstand, along with the glass of orange juice._

_“Put down the tray and lie on the bed - on your back,” I command._

 

 

It's so good to see you eating... I'm not even paying attention to the heaviness of the tray. I just watch you eat, fastidiously as always. I stifle a smile, but I feel a glow within as I watch my man.  
And then my man gives me a command.  
I do as you say, my eyes on you as I walk around to the other side of the bed and lay down.

 

_“Such a beautiful Tiger, all for me...” I smile. “Give me your wrists, darling...”_

_I take the cuffs from underneath the duvet and tie you to the headboard, your arms outstretched. Fuck you look hot like that... my Tiger, my love, my husband... I’ll never tire of saying that, out loud or to myself..._

_I own you, like I always have, but I love you, and you love me, and that makes everything entirely different. I’ve seen you in this position so often, but now, now it’s completely new. It used to feel great having the sexiest man in Britain at my mercy. Now, I have the man I love at my mercy. And that, love, makes it all infinitely more intense. I’m nearly overwhelmed with sensation already and I haven’t even started..._

_“God, I love you...” I sigh, and fall onto you, kissing you deeply, hungrily, greedily._

 

Back where I belong... cuffed to a bed -  _our_  bed now- and at your mercy... you swoop down on me and start to kiss me like there's no tomorrow. And at this moment I don't care if there is or not - I'm moaning into your mouth as you kiss me and your tongue moves against mine. This got hot  _fast_...  _Fuck_... how am I going to contain myself when I'm so turned on by you, my dark angel... and we've barely begun...?

 

_I come up for air, gasping - Christ this is hot - will I be able to do this without the iron self-control I used to enforce? Or will I just end up ravaging you here and now?_

_No, Jim... come on... prolong the fun... you will have plenty of time to ravage your Tiger..._

_I look into your eyes and see the same hunger in your gaze - this may not last quite as long as I’d envisaged when you were safely out of reach downstairs._

_I’d considered blindfolding you but I decide against it now - I don’t want to cover up those smouldering eyes... though I can’t stare too deeply into them or I’ll combust..._

_I dive onto your neck, start biting, sucking the skin in between my teeth until I hear you gasp. Slowly I work my way up your neck, until I reach your ear, bite your earlobe, growl into that spot behind your ear that always gives you gooseflesh, lick it._

_“My love... my Tiger... my husband... mine, completely mine... to do with as I want... sworn to obey my every command...” I purr into your ear. I drag my nails down your chest. “It can be hard, being my husband... My property... I have high standards, and I can be cruel in my pleasures...” I switch hands, drag my nails down the other side of your chest. “I’ll make you suffer, make you cry, make you bleed, make you beg... and it takes a special man like you to realize that is not a threat... but a promise...”_

 

 

Oh, Jesus... I'm already gasping as you bite my neck... already shivering as you growl at my ear... and then your nails against my chest... with those words, in that voice, that  _fucking voice_... I barely keep myself from whimpering. Barely.

Instead I close my eyes, exhale slowly. When I open them again, I feel your gaze hit me like a blow to the face.

"Oh god... yes... Sir..."

 

_Oh, my delicious love... already deeply sunk into your surrender... your pupils large, your breaths shallow... so. Incredibly. Hot..._

_I take a candle, light it. “In the mood for some romance, Tiger?”_

_You look at me, your eyes big, you swallow as you stare at the flame. This is very mild, for us, but the mood is intense, and I look at your face eagerly as I tip the candle, let the hot wax drip onto your chest, slowly._

 

I tense up and inhale sharply. I was so used to your hardcore sadistic games, I have no frame of reference for anything less. I breathe out slowly at the burning sensation, and relax. My eyes lock with yours. Oh Jim, my love, my dark angel... what do you have in store for me...

 

 

_You seem unsure what to make of the wax dripping onto your chest. Your gaze burns cold ripples through my soul - we’re engaging in a sensuous, profound dance and it’s new ground for both of us._

_I tilt the candle a bit more, so the drops follow each other faster, make my way over your torso; your chest, your nipples, your neck, your belly, down to your abdomen. Then I make my way down one thigh, up the other, carefully drip onto your balls, then up your erection... not breaking eye contact._

 

 

I'm eyeing you as the wax drips down lower... lower... lower... then up my thighs, and my breathing is coming faster... I can't break your stare... I can't... I suck in my breath sharply as the wax hits my balls... and  _OHH_  - when it hits my cock, I can't stop myself from whimpering.

 

_A whimper - already?_

_But - yes, it’s not about holding out and inflicting pain, it’s about sharing desire, love, sensation... and you whimper when you want to, not when I get too much for you. I slide the candle over your chest, trailing the flame close to your skin, hot but not burning, then blow it out, put it on the side._

_“My beautiful love... whimpering already? It’s fine - I love hearing you whimper, moan, cry... such delicious sounds... You will make many more before we’re done... don’t hold back...”_

 

I close my eyes. This is so different than what I'm used to... it's somehow less intense and  _more_ , at the same time. I can't make sense of it yet, but I guess I'm going to have to hit the ground running.

I open my eyes again and hold your gaze. "I don't intend to, Sir..."

 

 

_“My sweet sweet Tiger...” I lean over and kiss you softly, lick your lower lip, then bite it sharply - just short of drawing blood. Relish your gasp._

_“My poor Tiger, you’re all covered in wax... I’ll have to clean it off you...”_

_I get up, take my dressage whip from under the bed. I love this whip - it’s so versatile. Four foot of vicious thin riding crop that can seriously hurt if used with force, or titillate when used carefully, and anything in between - and a delightful few inches of string at the end._

_It is the latter that I want to play with now - standing next to the bed, I flick the crop so that the end keeps lightly whipping your chest; snapping off bits of wax. Each individual flick is not quite enough to be painful, but I keep up the rhythm, moving across your chest, then focusing attention on one spot for a bit before moving on again._

 

 

It's too hard to not watch the whip, so I give up. It's mesmerizing, and you're so fucking good at wielding it... as precise as a sniper, with your weapons of choice. No pain yet, but I'm not naive enough to think there's none coming... having to wait and wonder is sweet torment on its own. My heart beats faster as I watch the whip snap down again and again...

 

 

_Patches of your chest are turning red from the repeated attentions of the whip. Bits of wax prove stubborn, so I have to whip harder, using the end of the crop if the string alone isn’t working. I’m moving over the area I scratched earlier, making you twitch - then I reach your nipple - I concentrate on that for a bit, trying to keep flicking the small target, seeing it tighten._

 

 

There are small, muffled noises escaping me- there's heat and desire mounting in my groin, and my cock is painfully hard and still covered with wax. The effect of persistent mild to moderate pain is building slowly but surely, and I have a feeling that when it reaches its boiling point, maybe we'll experience something we've not seen before... which is unsettling, but so, so intriguing... the whip comes down hard on my nipple, and I moan loudly.

 

 

_Your sounds are exquisite... going straight to my cock, and my heart..._

_“I love you, I love you, I love you... and you’re mine. Mine to whip. Mine to kiss. Mine to fuck. Mine to keep. You’re mine, Sebastian Moriarty...”_

_I focus on your other nipple - so lovely to see you writhe..._

_It keeps echoing through my head - mine. Mine. Mine. You’ve always been mine, but it’s so much more intense now that I’m yours - it’s like every sensation you have is echoed inside me, every sound and move you make is etched onto my heart, and it’s essential that I get it all perfectly right..._

_I lift the whip and bring it slashing down onto your thighs._

 

 

 _Fuck_... I gasp as the whip comes down on the other nipple, bringing shocking, burning pain. My body jerks involuntarily. As you continue, and I realize I'm thrashing against my restraints. Well, I did tell you I wasn't going to hold back...

Then a shock of pain cracks viciously against my thighs, and a whining cry escapes my lips. My eyes sting with tears, and I return to your gaze, panting. Shit... this  _is_  different, and I still don't understand how...  _god_ , Jim... where are you going to take me?

 

_My love, my sweet... I’m not being harsh at all but it looks like it’s so much more intense for you too... how come, I wonder?_

_Your cry, your tears... make my heart swell with love and desire. My beautiful dear Sebastian..._

_I return my attention to your chest - not all of the wax wants to be switched off, but I keep trying, because it makes you wince so beautifully... Another slash onto your thighs elicits another cry. God, your eyes... your enchanting eyes, even more entrancing when shiny with tears..._

_“Your cock is so beautiful Sebastian...” I say, and trail the whip over your balls and erection, making you shiver. “And like all of you... it’s mine.” I flick the string onto your balls - lightly, but it makes you jump. I can see the struggle in your face between the urge to move away and to stay put... interesting - you didn’t have a problem with that before I left, obedience hardwired into you._

_But you manage to stay in position, looking up at me as I land a flick again that sends a shiver through you. Then I set up a circular flicking motion, sending little slaps up your cock, trying to flip off the wax._

_“Mine to do with as I please - to caress and to punish... and mine alone... meaning that unless you’re having a piss or a wash, your hands had better stay off it... do you understand?”_

_A final flick or two on the sensitive head._

 

As I cry out over the next slash to my thighs, an image comes to mind... of the slow, sensual sex from a couple of nights ago. How shocked we were at how  _intense_  it was to go  _slow and deep_ , after all the frenetic fucking and mad pounding into each other we had done over the years... this is what it feels like - like you're hitting a full physical range of experience that somehow gets missed by going hard or brutal... and a full range of emotional responses. There's a sensuality to what you're doing that's so beautiful and cruel and ...  _fuck_ , you're going for the balls next. I flinch, and it's such an effort not to move away - I see surprise register in your eyes, but what did you expect, Jim? You die for a year, I drown myself in whisky and grief, and things are bound to get fuzzy... even ingrained responses. I manage to hold myself steady, and you look pleased. And then I feel pleased that I've pleased you, so clearly  _that_  response didn't get too rusty. Now you're continuing to flick your whip lightly up my cock, and I can't help but close my eyes and suck in my breath.

I hear your command to keep my hands off my cock... I know how things had been in the past, but... is this for always?  
Oh god, you're not going to-  _ugnhhh_  - the flicks of the whip against the head of my cock fucking  _sting_  and I gasp.

"Oh fuck..." I say, panting. "Sir, do you mean... always?"

 

 

_Really? I hadn’t expected that response. What, were you planning to do a lot of wanking?_

_“Of course, my love... oh, you may get to borrow what’s mine... I can understand, if I’m away... but you’ll have to ask permission first...”_

_Is that too much? That would be a shame, I kind of love the idea of completely controlling your sexuality... but we’re a fucking democracy now..._

_No shut up Moriarty. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable._

_Well what’s the point of vowing to obey if the first instruction is already too much?_

_You don’t really want to make him do stuff he doesn’t want, do you?!_

_Well - no, but..._

_Well leave him alone then. Check in afterwards to see if it’s too much. You wouldn’t want to ask *_   _too much*_   _of him again, would you?_

_... no. I wouldn’t. But... how do you feel about it? I look up at you to gauge your response._

 

 

I chuckle. "All right... I'll ask permission. If you have to go away, I could cope better with missing you if I could wank while thinking of you... only of you... " my voice gets husky. "Other than that... my cock is yours... every inch of me is yours... Sir."

 

 

_“I know... and of course you’d wank while thinking of me - how else would you be able to come?”_

_I slash the whip across your thighs again, making you moan._

_“Keep making these beautiful sounds, Tiger...” I slash again. “Nothing makes me harder than your exquisite moans..._

_Knees up, open your legs...”_

 

So beautiful and arrogant and controlling... I fucking love you...

The whip comes down hard against my thighs again.  _Fuck_...

I've heard this instruction before so many times - when I've opened up my legs to you, I look into your eyes, feeling even more helpless and powerless under your gaze. This time, I feel so much more naked and exposed to you... so possessed by you... so fully and completely...  _yours_.

 

_That look in your eyes... fuck, I’m hurtling headfirst into an azure abyss and I’m not sure where I’ll end up... God I’m in love... God I want you... God your look_   _, so full of surrender, love, bliss... we really are symbiotic... joined together in an upward spiral of lust and pleasure..._

_I whip the sensitive insides of your thighs, medium hard, occasionally letting the string snake around to bite._

 

 

I'm glad you're enjoying my sounds, because I can't seem to stop making them... gasping... moaning... panting... as much from falling so deeply under your spell as from the relentless slash of the whip. When it's not brutally hard, it feels like there's less resistance and numbing out, and paradoxically... more awareness of the sensation... it's opening up in me, blossoming like a cruel red flower on my skin... all over my skin... I feel like I'm being stung endlessly by a scorpion... whipping its tail against me with every lash... kissed by the venom of your scorpionic love... my beautiful dark lord with eyes of onyx...

 

 

_Your sounds and facial journey are epic - I’m riding a high that is unlike any I’ve ever experienced - except maybe when I whipped you at the palm tree..._

_My Tiger, my love, my life... I can’t possibly express how much your submission means to me... how elated it makes me feel... how incredibly horny... how deeply in love..._

_I can’t bear being outside you any more - I lash hard on the inside of your right thigh, twice, making you cry out, and then I drop the whip, grab the lube from the nightstand, squeeze some onto my finger, and push it inside you._

 

 

There are two more lashes of the scorpion's love, dragging out my cries... and then there's a flurry of movement and I watch through half-closed eyes as you position yourself between my reddened, stinging thighs... oh god... I've been so hot for you, so painfully hard... don't make me wait any longer... Jim...

 

_There is no time, not now - I need to be inside you, inside this gorgeous man who is chained to a bed, who is covered in whip marks, whose eyes are shining with lust and tears, who’s moaning and pushing himself onto my finger - MY man - my love, for ever..._

_Some more lube, a second finger - you are so ready for me, your eyes practically begging for my cock –_

_“Sebastian-“ I pant, desperate myself-_

_“God I love you...” I position myself, push in, making you moan and your face - god your face –_

_“My Sebastian... my love, my life, my husband... mine... your sweet sweet arse was made to be fucked by me - it’s perfect, just perfect... *_   _so*_   _good...” my voice quivers, my eyes screw shut, a tremor runs up my spine, as I push deeper into you._

_“You’re not wearing clothes today... I want to see that beautiful skin, striped with my lashes... marked with my initials front and back... ready to be grabbed and taken by me at a moment’s notice...”_

_I’m all the way in now and I don’t believe anything ever felt so good..._

 

 

Oh my god, you seem as desperate to enter me as I want you inside me... you seem overcome with desire, lust, love... and when you finally push all the way into me, I groan loudly. Oh  _fuck_ , oh god, you make me so hot...

I have to admit, I was apprehensive about returning to not being able to touch myself after a year of being off your leash... but hearing you talk now... claiming me as yours to do with whatever you desire...  _nothing_  could be hotter to me, and I'm moaning like a fucking porn star with every thrust of your cock into my arse - your beautiful - possessive - cock –

Oh fuck me,  _FUCK ME_ , baby...

"Anything...  _anything you want_ , Sir..." I gasp. "I belong to you...  _completely_..."

 

_Yes, Tiger, keep talking... it’s so incredibly hot..._

_“The hottest man in Mexico... hell, the fucking world... You know me, I need the best of everything... and I got it... right here, chained to my bed, in my hands, around my cock... the best sniper, the best assassin, best shag... fuck, Sebastian... that’s it, moan for me my love...”_

 

 

"Oh god, Jim... Sir... you get me so hot..." I writhe against my chains, and push up against you with my hips, taking you in deeper. And I groan loudly for you. "So - fucking - hot - "

 

 

_“That’s it my Tiger... beautiful sounds... I’m going to record you one time and set it as your personalized ringtone....”_

_I move inside you faster - I loved the slow sex from the other day, but this is not a slow sex time. It’s a time for taking, possessing, overwhelming. I push inside deeper, harder, making you moan so beautifully..._

 

 

We've already fucked so many times in Mexico, and how does sex just keep getting hotter and more intense? I'm completely overwhelmed by sensation, by the stinging pain all over my skin, by your cock moving so hard and deep inside me, by my cock, painfully hard and burning from your lashes... I want to come so badly... I wouldn't dream of it, but... I could ask, and see how benevolent you're feeling...

"Sir," I moan, "I'm so hot for you... please... can I come...?"

I gaze into your big, black eyes as you consider this, and thrust hard into my arse, making me gasp.

 

 

_“I always come first, my love... you know that...if you do a good job, I may let you come too...”_

_I remember how I used to enjoy denying you your orgasm sometimes... a torture that seemed worse for you than any my knife could come up with... and I may do it again in the future, but I wouldn’t now.... it’d be unthinkable. Not that you need to know... I enjoy seeing the desperation in your face, but no trace of defiance. If I would deny you, you wouldn’t come... and that dizzying wave of power sends me spiralling towards the end game... god Sebastian..._

_“Moan for me my love... squirm for me...” I scratch my nails over my initials on your chest, making blood pearl out..._

 

 

"Oh Sir... I love being fucked by you..." I moan, as your nails dig into my skin. "There is nothing hotter than being taken by you... used for your pleasure... you're my fuck god... oh... Jim..." I keen as you move faster into me, and I pull hard against my chains.

 

 

 _Fuck god... that’s a new one... but I *_   _am*_   _, I make the hottest man in the world groan in pleasure - what else would I be?_

_Your words, your blood, you pulling your shackles, your sweet sweet arse..._

_“I’m going to come inside you Tiger.... come inside that hot hot arse... you’re so fucking beautiful and I love you so much... god.., god Tiger I love you I love you... *_   _Sebastian*_   _...”_

_I see black spots in front of my eyes before I have to screw them shut when I feel my seed build up, push its way into my cock, spilling into you... pouring into you... my incredible, amazing husband..._

 

God, you're coming in me and it's so amazing feeling the climax of your desire and your pleasure, because it's all focused on me, I'm the one who gets you so hot.... oh god, that's  _so fucking hot_...

You collapse against me and you're murmuring to me, and I'm still riding the euphoria of feeling your orgasm. Then I pull against my shackles reflexively, overcome with restless energy longing to be spent.

I want to come so badly, you wouldn't deny me baby, would you...? Please make me come, Jim... oh god, make me come...

 

_“So impatient, my Tiger... I should really leave you hanging for a bit, to teach you restraint...”_

_The look of desperation on your face is almost comical._

_“Don’t worry, you’ve been a good Tiger, you’ll get your reward...” I reach my hand to your cock, so hard... you groan as soon as I touch it, push yourself up towards me._

_I sit up, look into your eyes intently, drinking in the reflections of your soul I see in them... So beautiful, so deep... nothing held back any more. You’re showing me everything you are and it’s all I’ll ever want._

_You’re damaged, insane, violent, hot-tempered, reckless... you’re far from perfect, but you are perfect for me._

_As I stroke your cock and see you struggle to keep your eyes from shutting in ecstasy, I see the one man who could ever be with me - anyone else would have turned away in fear or revulsion, would have crumbled under the immense pressure, would have run to the other side of the world, would have died in one of the impossible missions - but not you. Sebastian, you are a literal miracle. And I feel such immense gratitude that I found you._

 

 

The pleasure of my cock in your hand is so intense... I'm straining at my shackles, trying hard not to, but all the build-up has brought me to a point of boiling over, and I'm desperate to come. I'm dimly aware of you gazing at me with love and desire, and that's just making the pleasure even more intense... I'm moaning and gasping as I inch towards the finish line... "oh fuck.. so good..."

 

 

_Your face as you hurtle towards your pleasure is such an amazing sight... My beautiful Tiger..._

_“Come for me my love...”_

_I slightly increase the pressure, taking you towards your orgasm, and it’s a beauty, all moans and face contorted in rapture and tremors in your body and your cock spasming its prize into my eager hand._

_“Sebastian, my Sebastian... you’re a miracle on earth, a demigod, a wonder... I love you so much...” I whisper._

 

 

I'm struggling to catch my breath as I feel aftershocks of intense pleasure move through my body.

"Amazing... you're amazing... I love you, baby..." I hear myself say dreamily.

I slowly return to myself floating on a cloud of euphoria. I'm still shackled to the bed, and you're gazing down at me adoringly. "Oh hey..." I murmur, closing my eyes and grinning. "You're that beautiful, controlling sadist I married... you're so fucking hot..."

 

 

_I grin. “And you’re that sassy assassin I married... best idea of my life...”_

_I lean up and undo your chains, kissing your hands and rubbing your wrists._

_“Look at the mess you made of the bed... there’s wax everywhere... this is our bed now, you know,” I wink, sweeping bits of wax off the bed. “Let’s have a shower, and some lazy second breakfast? And then read in the shade in between swims and fucks all day? I believe that’s what one is supposed to do on one’s honeymoon? I think I read that somewhere...”_

_I’m still in a good mood - the dream did make me feel better and the bunker looks empty - I guess I should blow it up or something if possible... don’t want things gathering in there again... although it may be I’ll need it in case I need to park feelings somewhere at times? I mean, I can hardly take time to process my feelings when I’m working... but then I’m not likely to encounter feelings when working..._

_unless... what if you got hurt... I’d go berserk..._

_oh no let’s not think about that._

_Today is a fucking happy day._

_Have a fucking happy shower and happy breakfast, Moriarty._

 


	2. Our Quiet. Fucking. Day.

I stretch out my arms and roll my wrists. "You mean, enjoy doing honeymoony things on our honeymoon? That's just crazy enough to work!" I grin lazily at you, and pull you into my arms. "I like your shower, breakfast, read-swim-fuck plan... like, _a lot_." I kiss you deeply, my heart glowing.

 

 

_“Of course. It’s a perfect plan. I devised it,” I say haughtily, then lead you into the shower. We wash each other carefully, with lots of cuddles and kisses. I check on your M - it’s healing nicely - then we go down and settle into the by now routine of you cooking second breakfast and me working the coffee machine - I think I’m getting the hang of it. I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt, you have kept my earlier instructions in mind and are gorgeously naked, your body covered in beautiful stripes._

 

 

As much as I'm enjoying being ogled by you as I cook (and I'm really fucking enjoying it), the frying bacon is cause for some concern. I find a barbecue apron tucked away with the tea towels (with _Bese al cocinero_ emblazoned on it - Kiss the Cook, I'm guessing...) and I tie it around my neck and waist. "Sorry, babe..." I say in a sorrowful voice as you look at me in mock outrage. "Candle wax on my cock is one thing, but I really don't want to experience flying bacon grease. My naked glory will return, you'll just have to wait a few minutes..."

I turn so you can at least check out my behind as I continue to fry up eggs and bacon. When breakfast has been heaped onto plates, I look at you, pull the apron off and toss it on the counter. "Better?" I wink, and prepare our trays. "Where do you want to eat, darling?"

 

 

_Some special forces man you are. Terrified of some dead pig,” I pout, but I’ll forgive you, because you have your back to me when cooking and your arse, moving slightly whilst you flip and stir stuff, is sufficiently satisfying a sight to forgive the apron. It’s swiftly cast aside when the danger of the bacon has passed, and the breakfast does smell good - I didn’t expect to be hungry again but I did have a heavy day yesterday._

_“Let’s eat on the patio,” I point outside, and carry the coffee out. It’s a lovely morning - quite windy out at sea, but fine here. The sound of the waves is soothing, the bright sunlight uplifting..._

_“So... I had a weird dream. I saw my mam, and Georgie... and she said she forgave me...” I want to say that I know it was just a dream and it was my subconscious speaking, but stop myself in time - you were comforted by your dead ex and I’m not going to deny you that._

_“She also said you are good for me and I shouldn’t treat you bad... and I should trust you...” Should I mention the other bit? Of course Jim, which bit of trust don’t you understand?!_

_“She also said my trust will be tested, and if I lose faith in you I’ll be lost... so that is clear then... both your and my dream prophets say I’m to trust you or I’ll be screwed... “_

 

 

I'm so enjoying sitting out on the patio, enjoying breakfast, coffee and you... with the sound of the waves… the wind on my skin… the sunlight streaming down on me… looking forward to a day of pleasure unfolding.... Then I find myself listening to you talk about warnings in your dream, and a shiver moves through me.

"Your trust will be tested?" I echo. “Oh... weird.” I fall silent, and stare off over the waves. You're looking at me, aren't you... My eyes swing back to you involuntarily. Yup.

"Well, that's fairly disconcerting, isn't it… I'm so ready to not have any more bad dreams, or ghostly warning dreams, I really fucking am..." I glare back at the house, and get up. "Gotta visit the toilet, I'll be back."

I stalk into the villa, ignore the downstairs toilet, and go upstairs to the master bathroom. After I relieve myself, I walk out to the balcony, looking out at the waves. "Getting warnings from beyond the grave two days in a row is kinda freaking me out. Like, what the fuck?? I can't lose him, David. If there's anything you can do... _please_. Help me..." I wipe a tear from my eye. I feel a hint of the presence from yesterday - no response, but it's still strangely comforting.

"Thank you..." I murmur. I return downstairs and head out to the patio. "Hey," I say cheerfully. "How's your breakfast?" I tuck into mine with fervor and for the second time today, shove all thoughts aside of unwelcome dreams.

 

 

_Oh. That affected you quite a bit. Two things - you are hiding something. There’s something you feel bad about. I bet I can tell what it is. But - not today. Not to-fucking-day. Second - you really believe in these prophesies and it’s worrying you. Well - it’s worrying me too. Because I don’t believe in dead people visiting our dreams for a nice chat and an ominous warning, but I do believe in our subconscious throwing up stuff we don’t realize we know, and somehow something must worry us. It makes sense - we both have found something new to live for and we would be worried simply because of that, but... I didn’t get to where I am today by ignoring small niggles. I’ll have to be careful... and trust you, apparently._

_You come back and do your ‘I’m fine you’re fine everything is fine’ act, and I go along - this is our day off. “Breakfast is delicious, Tiger... my favourite - a full English prepared and served by a naked man. I think I’ll have the same tomorrow... and every day after... So, you’ll be pleased to know my laptop is remaining locked away today, I will actually read a book. Something fun without crime, romance, or psychology. I’ve got a book on space and time paradoxes I’ve been meaning to read - what do you have planned?” Look at us having normal happy couple conversations._

 

 

I do a double take. ""Seriously? I _should_ serve breakfast naked more often, if it will encourage you to do some nice, light reading. And _I_ will be reading some fine literature about spies set during World War II. And I downloaded a bunch of TV series on the iPad - I could check out Game of Thrones, or something that reminds me less of work. A comedy, maybe." I drain my coffee. "Although work can be pretty fucking funny sometimes. I should check in to make sure everything's running as it should..." I sigh, and lift up my face to the sunlight. I close my eyes, and try not to wonder if you're thinking, and what you're thinking about, and how it will affect me. _Jesus Christ_... killer start to our easy day. I curse silently. Wait! This is why alcohol exists - hurrah!

 

 

_“Eh - I’ll be doing the checking, Mr Moriarty. Or have you forgotten I’m back? Don’t worry, Bain seems to be on top of things-“ ... aaaaand that barely perceptible wince confirms what I didn’t want to know. But. Not. Today. “I’ve been checking in, but nothing required your attention so far. Game of Thrones sounds good - I hear good stories. Something for tonight - we won’t be able to watch it in this bright daylight. So - let’s clear the breakfast stuff and settle in with a book.” And be happy. And not think about things that make one worry. Like what the fuck you got up to with this Bain character while I was dead._

 

 

You don't forget _shit_ do you... it was such a throwaway comment, it was _days_ ago... but you were onto me the second I opened my mouth. All from my tone? I didn't even say anything suspicious. Fuck. I do not want to talk about this, and it's already casting a long fucking shadow over my day. But you know what, Jim? You were fucking dead. If you didn't want me to do anything, you shouldn't have been fucking dead. I look back at you, and _of course_ you're looking at me. We lock eyes like prize fighters, and my breath catches in my throat.

 

 

 _*Oh*._ _Oh, you’re going to *argue* about this are you? Say you’re perfectly entitled to get your own henchman once you’ve inherited an empire? You little shit –_

_“Alright. This is going to eat at us all day so let’s get it out in the open. And don’t insult both of our intelligence by asking what I mean.”_

 

 

I stare at you steadily. "Wouldn't dream of it. You wanna talk? Let's talk." I place my coffee cup on the table emphatically, and sit forward with my elbows on my knees.

 

 

_Oh, you’re going to be a snarky shit about it are you? Bad idea Tiger, very bad idea..._

_“So. Who is this Bain and what did you two get up to while I was dead?”_

 

 

I exhale. "Bain is someone I knew from my army days - special forces. I found out he was working in this field, I brought him in. He did great - so great, that within the year he moved up in rank until I knew I could count on him to run things when needed. Now if you're asking what 'we two' got up to a _personal_ level... I wasn't lying. I didn't have sex with him, or anyone. But- there was one drunken night, and we fooled around - that's all. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but there really didn't seem a right time to tell you in the last few days, with _everything else_ that's been going on." I sigh heavily. "So. Now what?"

 

 

_“Define ‘fooled around’.” I say coldly. The thought of you getting drunk with some army guy, having a laugh, getting close... it makes my blood boil. Some guy you knew from back when. Swapped army stories. Related to. Probably muscular and good looking. Reasonable and sensible. Not prone to bursts of violence or anger. God damn it._

 

 

I look across the patio at the palm trees. Fuck. _Fuck_... stay fucking calm, Seb... or this is going to be a shitshow... I look back at you.

"You really want to do this... you want me to give you details? Is that really going to help?"

 

 

_“Help? Help what? Help whom? Yes, I want details. I run on information. I want to know who did what to whom. How you felt. What you said. What he said. I need all the information required to make a picture of that night. “_

 

 

"Whoa, Mr. Questions... I seem to remember you had _assumed_ I was out fucking around while you were off being dead. Screwing anything on two legs.... so why does one stupid meaningless incident matter?"

 

 

_“Just because I assumed it doesn’t mean I was ok with it. And it matters. So stop postponing the inevitable and *tell. me*.” Screwing around is one thing... but this is a guy you know... you trust... you admire... a friend... someone you could rule the empire with, in my absence... I bet he never asked uncomfortable questions, did he? Never made you talk about stuff you didn’t want to talk about... strong silent type, like you..._

 

 

"Fine, I'll tell you! We went out on a job, and we ended up with some time to kill. So, he asked what was going on for me and why I was so sad. And I told him- it felt good to fucking tell someone. Then we ended up in a violent altercation for work, and it was bloody and fucking fun. It was the first time I'd felt something good since you died. (Remember that part, Jim? You were fucking dead...) We went to a bar, had a few, and we ended up at his place and got shit-faced. And we made out and groped... he wanked me off, I cried, we talked, I passed out on his sofa. The end. Satisfied?" I spot a pack of cigarettes on the table, take out a fag, light it, and watch you as I smoke.

 

 

_A cold black fluid is creeping up into my stomach. I picture you being wanked by some hot guy, kissing him... groping his strong masculine body... I grab a cigarette myself. I can’t share yours -not now. The smoke makes me feel slightly lightheaded - it’s not pleasant. I put the thing down in the ashtray. “And afterwards? The following morning? The next time you worked together? And... how did you feel when it was happening? What did he say?”_

 

 

I glare at you. “You realise this wasn’t cheating, right? So I don’t see how what I felt or what he said is relevant to you, when you were dead at the time. All you need to know is I don’t have feelings for him, it didn’t happen again and our rapport was the same after- we worked together, we weren’t going for midnight strolls or banging after jobs. It was a one-time thing. I need a drink. Do you want a drink?”

 

 

_“Yes I want a fucking drink. And it’s not relevant if it was cheating or not. I want to know how you felt. It’s not up to you to decide what I need to know or not.”_

_Don’t fucking try me, Tiger..._

 

 

I stand up, my chair scraping against the tiles. I stalk to the bar, grab a bottle of whisky, slosh some rum and coke into a glass for you, carry them back, and place your drink on the table with a thump.

“So, you want to know how I felt?” I throw myself in my chair, unscrew the cap, and tip the bottle back into my mouth. ”Bad fucking question, but I’m going to tell you, anyway. Considering I was broken and suicidal, and doing a fucked-up sexless vigil for you... how do you think it felt? Terrible! Amazing! Wretched! Hot! It felt so good to be touched again and so _wrong_... like you had some kind of claim on me, even in death- do you understand how damaged that is? I wanted to stop him, but I couldn’t- it felt good to feel good! Is that OK? Is that all right for you, Jim??" I snarl. "And coming totally felt like cheating, and it _fucking wasn’t_... and it brought up so many feelings, I couldn’t touch him after. But you know what? That was the beginning of something pretty fucking important for me- realising I didn’t want my brains to splatter all over your rooftop. If you weren’t going to consider my feelings when you killed yourself, I was through torturing myself for you.” I take another swig of whisky and lean back in my chair. “Any more questions?”

 

 

_Ah, yes. My new friend guilt. There you are. Grasping my heart with acid claws and wringing it out._

_“I - fuck!_

_I’m sorry Sebastian, I’m so fucking sorry that I broke you, ok?! I can’t imagine what I was thinking at the time - I *remember*, but I can’t imagine how it made sense to me. And - no, it wasn’t cheating, I know, I can’t *reasonably* expect you to stay faithful to me after death, but when have I ever been *reasonable*? It hurts! I get furious! And then I get angry with myself for getting angry and ... FUCK!!!_

_I can’t blame you - it wouldn’t make sense - but I’m a fucking possessive and jealous little bastard and I’m fucking *livid*!!!”_

_I’m taking a leaf from your book and throw the whiskey bottle across the patio. It’s not satisfying. I consider launching myself at you but I don’t think that would be satisfying either - I want to kill Bain but he’s not here._

_“*FUCK*!!!” I shout again, and rush off to the palm tree, still covered in towels. I give the bloody thing a good pummeling. This is all so much harder when I have to be *reasonable* about things... I can’t hate you for what you did, but I hate what you did, and I can’t get revenge for it, because I can’t punch a night._

 

 

I listen to your angry, guilty tirade, and continue to drink and smoke as if I'm watching a film. I feel numb, but it's better than wanting to punch your lights out. Well... the last few days seems to have had their effect, you're handling it better than you would have in the past. The whole situation is almost funny, but I shove the bottle in my mouth to keep from laughing, because well, I'm not fucking suicidal any more.

And then you're grabbing the bottle from me, and I watch as it sails across the patio and skitters across the tiles spraying whisky and shards of glass. Oh no, Jim - you have to _aim_ for something for that to feel good. Now you're off to punch the palm tree, and I'm heading to the bar with a cigarette hanging from my mouth. I grab another bottle, pour you another drink, and return to the table.

 

 

_My hands hurt and I feel a bit calmer, but still upset - and upset with myself for being upset - ugh. I head back to the table to reassure you I’m not mad at you and I see you hide a smile - you think this is fucking *funny*?! I grab the drink you made me, knock it back. “He’ll have to die, of course. When we get back to England, you kill him.”_

 

 

" _What_..." I look up up at you, the bottle halfway to my mouth. I put it down loudly. "I'm not _killing_ him. We _served_ together. That shit is not happening."

 

 

_“You serve me now. You are killing him.”_

 

 

"So. The reason your reunion with me was not at a fucking cemetery was thanks to him. You still think he should die?"

 

 

_“You stayed alive for *him*?!”_

 

 

"NO! Is that what you think?? I MEAN, I was suicidal, and he was the only one in my life I had a personal connection to. It wasn't romantic or sexual, it was just... human!"

 

 

_“So he made you want to stay alive. How is that different from staying alive for him?!”_

 

 

"I WASN'T STAYING ALIVE FOR HIM! You're making this out to be something it WASN'T. But having a personal connection to someone helps, it just DOES. Don't worry, I still thought about killing myself every day... does that make it any better??"

 

 

_“NO!! You don’t fucking get it! I don’t want you to have been suicidal! Of course not! It makes me feel horrible to realize that is what I put you through!! But I don’t want you to have a personal connection with anyone either! Because I never had! Never! Only with you! And I can’t share that- I CAN’T!!!”_

 

 

I sit back, stunned. "What...?" I stare at you, the whisky and the cigarette forgotten. "But, I- really didn't keep any connections going after you... it was just while you were dead, I needed _something_... So... you want me to not have any personal connections ever again?" I watch you closely.

 

 

_“I DON’T KNOW!!! I don’t fucking know what I want! I’m jealous, ok?! I don’t know! If you’d have a mate you’d go to the pub with - *yes*, I’d be fucking jealous! And I know it’s not reasonable! Fuck reason! I’m fucking insane, I don’t have to be reasonable!! And - you working together with a guy you fucking *kissed* - that would drive me insane. I mean - more so. So he has to fucking go.”_

 

 

"Fine - I love you more than anything, and I'm happy to go without mates- you're _all_ I need. But please don't ask me to kill someone who had my back in a fucking war. Just- give me that, Jim. I'll fire him, and tell him to leave town, and that'll be the end of it."

 

 

_“Since when do you have trouble killing anyone?! You are fine with killing fucking kids, but not this bloke?!? What am I supposed to think of that? It’s all perfectly innocent Jim! He’s just the only guy I had sex with after you and the only guy I won’t kill!”_

 

 

"I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM! It was just some sad, drunk GROPING, and afterwards I fucking cried about YOU!!"

 

 

_“Wanking is fucking sex! Fine, the only guy you kissed! AND THE ONLY ONE YOU WON’T KILL!!!”_

 

 

"I wouldn't kill _anyone_ I was in battle with, don't you know that??"

 

 

_“No! For some reason useless sentiment about your army past never featured in our conversations! You never went ‘Oh no Jim, I’ll have to check if that fucking mark isn’t an old army buddy before I can say I’ll kill him. It used to be that you fucking killed who I told you to kill!”_

 

 

"Yes, and if I had _recognised_ a name as an old army buddy, I would have told you the same thing- I can't do it!! What do you mean, _useless sentiment_? What the _fuck_ , Jim?? This isn't about the _army_ , it's about the people who followed my orders, and risked their lives, and FUCKING HAD MY BACK IN BATTLE... it's why I came back alive and not in a body bag, that's _not_ something you forget, and I think you'd understand that, and not ask me to do something that fucking abhorrent to me as kill one of my former soldiers!! Jesus Christ!"

 

 

_“Oh *that’s* fucking abhorrent to you, is it?! Any other moral inhibitions I never heard about?! Any other categories conveniently overlapping with guys you kissed?!”_

 

 

I cover my face with my hands. "Oh, my fucking god... Jim! It didn't mean anything to me, how can I convince you I'm telling you the truth?? I don't want him, I want you!!"

 

 

 “It may not have meant anything. But he means something to you. And he kissed you. Don’t you see that that combination only makes it worse, not better?!”

 

 

"I had no contact with him for years! So how much does he mean to me?? I just don't want to kill someone who saved my life - oh by the way, he saved my life while we were in Afghanistan. So yeah, I feel like I owe him one - and it has nothing to do with goddamn kissing!!"

 

 

_I’m going to do you an injury. I don’t want that. I storm into the house, put on my trainers that are sitting beside the front door, slam it closed, and run off._

 

 

I pick up my whisky bottle, light another cigarette, and stare at the sea. What the _fuck_ is your problem?? Why can't you see logic? How can I reach you when you're reacting this way?? Fuck... maybe I should have lied? No - I was supposed to trust him. Is this what trusting someone brings? An order to kill someone who's been a friend to me? Thanks a lot, David... you could not have been more wrong...

After a while, I look at the villa. What the fuck are you doing? Breaking things? Are you on your laptop? What would you be doing on- Oh. Shit. I sprint inside, and check all the rooms. You're not there. I glance at the front door - trainers are gone. Where the fuck did you go?? We're in Mexico...

I return to the bedroom, throw on some clothes. If you're not back in fifteen minutes... I'm going after you. No. Ten.

 

 

_I keep running until I reach the village - I haven’t been for a run since I got back; it feels good to get the system going again. It clears the mind. I’m still pissed off with you - how can you not get that the only way to make me feel less bad about the whole making out thing is making fucking Bain disappear?! And why is your fucking bond with him more important than making me feel less bad? I thought you only cared about me..._

_My breath is running out, so I walk into the town. I know the type of place... walk round until I come to the areas tourists don’t go, spot a bar that looks so seedy it doesn’t even have a name, head in and order a whiskey. I see several people look at me assessingly, but I’m not in a mood to be looked at, so I glare back and they look away._

_I finish the whiskey, order another._

 

 

I pace for five seconds, before sprinting back upstairs. I strap on holsters, guns and knives, pull on a light jacket to hide my weapons. Then I grab my phone, head for the door - I pick up the key from the hall table and for the very first time I leave through the front door and lock up. If you get home before me, you'll just have to wait. I look both ways, and see lots of villas in both directions. But to the east is the village Mr. Alvarez told us about. It's somewhere to start... I break into a run.

 

 

_I order another whiskey and the bar man asks for money. This is an entirely reasonable request, but I don’t have any on me. I don’t have anything on me - I left the house in the shorts and t-shirt I put on to have a fucking happy quiet day with you in._

_I explain that my friend has my wallet and he’ll be here soon. The bar man explains that he’ll be happy to serve me another whiskey as soon as the friend is here._

_I sigh, say that Sr. Domínguez would be very disappointed to see his friend be treated so poorly. They look at me suspiciously - of course, I don’t look like an associate of the local crime lord... I look like a guy who was planning to have a lovely day on the beach with his fucking lovely husband. Still, Eduardo’s name carries clout, and they don’t want to risk pissing him off..._

_“Sr. Domínguez doesn’t have many English friends...” the bar man states._

_“He has some special English friends...” I retort, giving him a look. You want to start something? God, I’d love to have a good fight - but alone, without weapons - not wise. So I tone down the look from killer to mildly unpleasant._

_The guy wisely decides it’s not worth his hide, and pours me another whiskey._

_It’s cheap shit anyway._

 

 

I'm going in and out of bars and stores, and asking in the least broken Spanish I can manage, if anyone has seen a small Irish gentleman with black hair and eyes. No luck, until a nice lady points me in the direction of a row of bars. She says something about how I should go collect my friend because he seemed upset and this is not a nice area of town, especially for tourists. Fucking perfect.

Now I'm going in an out of seedy bars, peering in the gloomy darkness, and asking questions of scarred and tattooed bartenders who look like they want to shoot me, until they see the look in my eye. Don't. Fucking. Try. Me.

It's the fourth bar I go into where I see a familiar sight, sitting at a bar having a drink. Oh. _Hello_... I would so love to go up to you and just start railing at you, but instead I slide into a booth so I can watch you while I cool down. A tattooed waitress with serious cleavage sidles up to me and tries to flirt. I order a whisky, staring straight ahead. There's only one person in this bar that I have eyes for, and I'm using them to look murderously at him while I wait for my fucking drink.

 

 

_There you are, Tiger... took you long enough to find me. Oh, you’re not coming to say hi? Hiding in a booth? You’re still mad, aren’t you? Well, so am I. What are we going to do about it? The guys at the bar start speaking in muted tones about the second gringo that’s walked in but who is apparently not the friend of the first one - the appearance of one non-local is remarkable enough, but two? I keep an eye on you in the reflection of the glass case behind the bar, and order another whiskey._

 

 

I’m watching the men behind the bar talk about us... seeing a change in your posture. I’m sure you’re aware of them, but maybe me too- of course, my reflection... my drink arrives, and once again I’m ignoring the waitress who’s practically giving me her key, then leaves in disgust and mutters something to the bartender. Great- we’ve blended in so well already... nice choice, Jim... Enough is enough... I take my drink, walk up to you, and drop it on the bar. I lean back against the bar, scanning the room. “Great choice , babe... it has a cosy, cut-your-throat-in-the-back-room kind of vibe...” I throw some money down on the bar.

 

 

_You’ve clocked that I’ve spotted you. You look at me with exasperation as the waitress is trying to shove her tits in your face - and all of a sudden - I hear a voice in my head. It’s my voice. From a few days ago._

_Damn my perfect memory. ‘There will be things we won’t agree on - we’ll have to work them out. Worst case scenario we’ll compromise. Yes, I can compromise, don’t look like that. I may be in charge - but I want you to be happy, and I’ll never force you to suppress your feelings just because they’re difficult._

_Sebastian... please don’t think I would ever abandon you, over anything.’_

 

_Oh fucking well done, Moriarty. First chance you get, you refuse to compromise, and you abandon him. Literally first chance you get. You utter, utter twat. What use is it to make fucking promises if you break them without thinking? Some fucking husband you are. And - here he is, looking for you, coming to make sure you’re not in trouble - three guns, two knives at the ready in case you were._

_God, you don’t deserve him..._

_You walk up to me, throw money on the bar, and I pounce you, throwing my arms round your neck and kissing your mouth._

 

 

Part of me is wondering how the people in the bar are enjoying our little display, but most of me is focused on kissing you back. Relief is flooding through me, and I'm pulling you close and cradling your head as we kiss frantically. My eyes open, taking in the area around me. Some people are definitely _not_ enjoying the display, and openly glaring. I break off the kiss.

"And here I was thinking we couldn't be any more conspicuous... guess I was wrong." I raise my eyebrows at you and tentatively smile.

 

 

_“Look, Tigger... I was wrong.” Have I ever said that before?! Yeah, probably, in the past few days... anyway. “I said I’d compromise... and I didn’t, did I... I just wanted everything my own way, regardless of how it would hurt you... If I’d force you to kill Bain...” the name tastes bitter on my tongue... “you’d feel so bad about it... You’d feel so guilty, and it would have been my fault... and then I would have felt guilty... thank you for not giving in to my unreasonable demand.” I’m still talking and looking into your beautiful, sweet, relieved eyes, when a harsh voice breaks into our bubble: “Sr. Domínguez doesn’t associate with *maricones*...”_

 

 

I'm shocked at how quickly you've come around. Seriously?? I thought you'd dug in your heels so far, I might actually have to consider doing the _unthinkable_... and I _really, really_ didn't want to do that. It would not be so _not good_ for me or for us...  
I'm softening at your words, and I so want to take you home ( _home_ ), and I'm opening my mouth to thank you, and... I hear the voice. _Oh_... I don't need to speak a lot of Spanish to know what he said... And neither do you. My eyes lock with yours. And yours gleam...

 

 

_Look. Here I am being completely reasonable. I was about to pay for my drinks and forget about the reluctance to supply them to me. Really, I was being the perfect guest. It’s really not unreasonable to expect that one would in turn be a good host, and not lower oneself to homophobic slurs. “Oh, on the contrary...” I smile to the guy who uttered the words - big, tattoos all over him, a black moustache not quite hiding a scar on his upper lip and cheek, divorced, drinking problem, violent, right handed, got a big knife under his jacket and knows how to use it - “Sr. Domínguez has been having happy associations with at least one *maricon* for years.”_

 

 

My eyes close briefly. Oh. Shit. Well, you wanted to blow off some steam after our little meltdown? Here comes a stream train barreling at us... I step in front of you. "You _don't_ want to do this..." I say with polite menace to the man, who doesn't listen and is coming at my Boss wielding a knife, and is slamming into my fist - repeatedly.

 

 

_Oh, excellent. We so needed this... The rest of the bar quickly divides into three groups - the ones who want to fight the foreigners, the ones who want to get out of here before they get hurt, and the spectators. The first group is encouragingly big. As usual they assume you are the threat - well, you are - and focus on taking you out. One of them comes up behind you with a large knife, and is surprised when he feels a sharp pain in his wrist and suddenly finds himself minus one knife and with a hole in his side. I position myself to your right, the bar behind us - not a bad position. Now I’m pretty sure the barman has a gun behind the bar, but he’s disappeared backstage - looks like at least one person believes the faggots may indeed be Sr. Domínguez’s friends. I’m keeping an eye out for any other firearms - there. You’ve already spotted him, lunge at him - I trust you’ll be fine, deal with the stupid eejit who thinks he can handle me with his fists - I dodge his clumsy attack and punch his stomach hard enough to send him puking to the side. Someone has grabbed a bar stool and is swinging it in your direction - I jump him, grabbing an arm around his throat as I press my knees into the back of his, and he goes down. The barstool bashes against my arm, but I hardly notice._

 

 

I grab the barstool from the person who had wielded it oh so clumsily. " _Gracias_ " I say politely, before smashing him in the head with it. And since I was waxing nostalgic not too long ago about how you beat someone to death with one after throwing him through a window, I catch your eye and toss the barstool to you. You catch it neatly, and with no lag time bring it across the head of the moron who thinks to attack you next. I only get to watch your beautiful assault of his cranium for a moment, before I'm dealing with the next issue which is yet another local with a gun. Luckily he's all show and trying to make a grandiose kill which I interrupt with a fury of flying fists and elbows which leaves him bleeding and unconscious on the floor. I look up and see yet another local with a knife sidling up to you, and launch myself at his ugly face.

 

 

_Time slows right down sometimes when you’re in the middle of a good fight, and it does so now - as I see you dive past I catch a glimpse of your eyes and they are ecstatic - there’s nothing you love more than a good fight, except of course a good fuck. I guess my own eyes look the same. There’s this fighting trance that I sometimes get into and it’s a great feeling - like I’m in an intricate dance, but the stakes are much higher - a false step and I’m dead or hurt. It’s that combination of intense concentration, adrenaline rush, and the beauty of violence, that makes this such a beautiful high. Kill Bill did it quite well in some of its scenes where the Bride disposes of her opponents in a dance-like sequence - it was stylized of course, and unrealistic, but in it I recognized the feeling of the fighter when in the middle of it. In a beautiful pas de deux you and I whirl through our opponents, who are less thoughtful than in Kill Bill and don’t attack us one by one, but that adds to the thrill - seeing four of them rush us at once and knowing what you will do and knowing that you know what I will do - it’s perfection. It’s almost as good as sex with you. Which we will definitely have after this. When we finally start our quiet. Fucking. Day._

 

 

I'm fully in the zone, and it feels so fucking good... and it's definitely satisfying that there's entertainment to be found near our villa should we ever want it. I'm just finishing dumping the ugly bastard behind the bar with a spectacular crash, when there's a rush of more violent men coming at us like a tidal wave, and I take one down and throw his body against the one attacking you. The next two are grabbing you and pushing you against a table, and as I'm pulling out my blades and preparing to launch unholy hell at them, I see a look of horror on your face. Everything slows down even further and I'm turning to slide my blade into the man who's jumping at me from behind the bar, but not before a pinching sensation in my neck, and... when his body hits the floor, I realise I'm looking at it from the floor, and pressing my fingers against my neck, and blood is streaming out, but not spurting, so he didn't hit the jugular, but ohhh, this isn't good. And you're seeing this, and it doesn't take you long at all to dispatch the two who were holding you down. Oh, Jim... we didn't get to have our quiet day, I think as I feel myself growing faint and falling back against the floor.

 


	3. Are You Dangerous?

_*NO*!!!_

_The world slows right down. But not enough that I can stop the guy with a knife from stabbing your throat - where did he come from - this was not supposed to happen –_

_Time. Slows. Down._

_Your blood between your fingers –_

_I dispose of the two idiots holding me._

_Your head hitting the floor –_

_I dive at your attacker, bury my own knife in his throat, slit it messily._

_Your eyes closing –_

_I grab your gun from under your jacket and shoot the three guys still standing._

_Time speeds up again and I see you - your blood - quick - I dive at one of the spectators, push my gun in his face, shout if he has a car. Pale and trembling, he points at his neighbour and babbles something. I grab the neighbour, yell at them both to help me get you into his car and to drive us to the hospital, then I pull off my shirt and press it against your neck as the two guys lift you up - you’re out, but the bleeding isn’t too bad and I don’t think you’re hurt too badly - oh god - *panic* - suppress - not now, Moriarty - I keep looking around, shoot a guy who attacked us earlier and is trying to get up, making the two makeshift ambulance men speed up and rush you outside and into a car parked just round the corner. A mad dash to what I assume is the nearest hospital ensues._

 

 

I'm in a peaceful place, but there's also a sense of... I'm supposed to be doing something? I'm in a place of grey clouds, and it's so comfy and quiet... but I keep hearing a buzzing sound. Bees? Huh? No... the buzzing has shifted to muffled talking... I hear my name from a voice that makes me feel so happy. my head is full of clouds and... this beautiful voice... I feel myself beaming.

 

 

_We’re at what passes for A &E here and people are rushing around you, putting you on a bed, wheeling you inside. The two guys rush off as soon as we are out, the gun is in my waistband, as are your other weapons, covered by the shirt of the guy who didn’t have a car. It’s too big, which is only good, and it smells, but oh well. I rush behind the hospital people, they stop me as they wheel you into the theatre, and I stand facing a closed door. It takes only a moment for panic to overwhelm me._

 

The voice has gone away... the clouds are still there but why has the voice gone away? All I can see are clouds, clouds, clouds... but there's something I need to do. I need the voice back. I start to push back the clouds... they're getting wispier, but I still can't see through them... I'm starting to run through the clouds in a panic... the beloved voice... where did it go??

 

 

_Oh Seb. Oh god Seb. This is my fault - all my fault... I went to that place, knowing you’d follow... I kissed you, knowing it would get us in trouble... I got us into a fight because I’m an idiot, wanting some fun - not thinking of the risks - we were two against what? Ten? Twelve? I did this - I wasn’t thinking. I was just - looking for a thrill - and I got you hurt –_

_Possibly killed._

_No. It’s not a lethal wound._

_Oh, you’re a doctor now, are you? Well then you should know all the complications that can arise from a non-lethal wound like that-_

_Why won’t they let me in? How much time has passed?_

_Ninety seconds. Oh god this is going to last forever... all eternity for me to spend in hell. Did I think I felt guilty before? Ha. Pale imitation. This is the full technicolour 4D surround sound version._

_I said I’d get you killed. And not even on a job. In a fucking bar brawl. That I started for fucking fun._

_Please - gods of this land. You’re a bloodthirsty lot - surely Seb and I are right up your alley. Please. Make him whole again. Huitzilopochtli. God of war. Seb is a warrior - one of yours. Let him live, so he may kill another day. 115 seconds._

_God..._

 

I'm pushing out of the clouds, coming to in bright lights, with unfamiliar faces around me. Roaring my fear and displeasure at the faces, who don't flinch and continue to work on my neck. What the fuck? What happened to you?! Where are you?! I'm struggling to get up but they're holding me down and I'm so weak.

 

There's a doctor talking soothingly to me in English, and I demand to know where you are. He talks briefly to a nurse, and returns. "He is in the waiting room, Señor..."

 

"Bring. Him. To. Me." I growl.

 

"Señor, it is not possible to-"

 

"BRING HIM TO ME OR NONE OF YOU WILL BE LEFT STANDING..."

 

It's not an empty threat, and he sees that. He tenses, confers with the nurse who rushes off.

If she brings back security... I'm going to have to fight my way to you. I feel around for my blades. Gone. Shit. I look past the doctor, searching for surgical equipment- I see something sharp that I can use.

Security is pushing through the doors a minute later, but they're accompanying you. You look so pale and shaky and small.

 

"Jim?" I ask weakly, and reach out my hand to you. They're holding you back warily as they continue to patch up my neck, but the doctor says something, and they let your hand reach back for mine.

 

_Two security guards are coming up to me - oh shit - but a nurse pushes out the door and I jump at her - “How is he?!”_

_“He will be fine, we are treating his wounds - he wants to see you - please come, but don’t disturb the doctors.”_

_I want to run in but the guards walk close to me and I don’t want to give them a reason to throw me out. We enter the room and I see you, surrounded by medical personnel, looking so pale - you say my name and hold out your hand and the guards hold my arms - I look at you desperately - but bless you, doctor, you let me hold his hand._

_I let all my love, all my strength, all my life force pour down that arm into you. I keep talking to you - “You’re going to be ok, my love, it’s just a flesh wound, you will be fine, they’re going to patch you up, and I’m going to take such good care of you, I’ll cook you all your favourite foods, don’t worry my love, my darling, my husband, love of my life... “_

_I’m so, so sorry but I’m not going to say that because you get upset when I’m upset - or should I say it? Are you upset that I’m not apologizing? Damn - this is so hard..._

_“I’m so sorry my love... I shouldn’t have done... any of the things I’ve done today... well except for the first bit... but... I’m so sorry... I love you so much... “_

_I realize that they’ve cut off your shirt and your chest with its fresh scars, whip marks, and my initials is in full view. Hm. I think you may get someone wanting to have a Talk with you without me present... And I’m so immensely relieved that I’m thinking about that. You look fine - lost blood, will need quite some time to recover, but no major arteries or pipes were hurt. A miracle really..._

 

 

Ohh, you seem so upset and scared and guilty, _shit_ , how could I have let that happen?? I must not be on top of my game??? I guess that makes sense, it's been a rough few... days... and a rough fucking year.

You're holding onto my hand for dear life, and I'm squeezing it and trying to smile at you reassuringly. You're saying the sweetest things...

"It's OK, baby- I've been hurt a lot worse, you know that..." I soothe.

The doctor is talking to us about me staying for observation, and security is hovering in the background.

"I'd like to be discharged," I say firmly. You protest, and I squeeze your hand again. "Call Mr Álvarez... ask him to arrange for a private nurse to come by and check on me over the next few days. I'm going to be fine... I promise."

 

 

_I discuss it with the doctor, who seems reluctant, but you are insistent, and he eventually agrees, and gives me the name and number of a private nurse he would recommend, and who should be available. He insists that I go and call her in the waiting room whilst he has a final check - I meekly make my way out there and call the number, getting through to a lady who speaks excellent English when she hears my accented Spanish, and who is happy to come take excellent care of you for a not too exorbitant sum of money._

 

 

I can see security hovering in the background, and one of them is making a phone call. I'm eyeing them nervously when the doctor returns. "Señor, I just have a couple of questions for you - for your well-being. Do you wish to be released into the care of this man? Or do you need protection?"

 

I laugh out loud, despite myself. "Yes, I wish to be released to him..." I say firmly. "No, I don't need protection... If you're concerned about the scars, I assure you they're consensual..."

 

"Ah," he says, looking troubled. "You are sure?"

 

" _Sí_ ," I say cheekily, but give him a reassuring smile. "But thank you for your concern. Can you please send him back in?"

 

"Yes, Señor - as you wish..." He pats my shoulder, and leaves the room.

 

When you return, I whisper to you. "I'm concerned security will have a few questions, and maybe already called the police? And you know how corrupt the force is supposed to be here... Can you cause some kind of diversion, babe? Or bribe them if it's too late for that? Just get security to be not here, so we can go home? I need to be home with you, baby..." I hand you my phone, and you take it.

 

 

_“Thanks - I’ll need to get in touch with Eduardo, anyway; to make sure we don’t get in trouble for the fight - I think we killed six or seven guys, some others are here being stitched up like you, and it wouldn’t take them long to find out where we are. It’s a good thing he owes me...”_

_I phone Eduardo and explain what happened. Fortunately, he finds it immensely funny, especially the bit where Sr. Domínguez doesn’t associate with fags - he’s had a toy boy - well, toy man by now - for over fifteen years. But he’s a bit more discreet than I am... as are his model wife and boyfriend. He assures me over and over that there will be no problems from the police or from the guys in the pub - lowest of the low, apparently, good riddance - and chides me for not looking him up. I explain I’m on my honeymoon and haven’t left the house before today, and he is delighted, insists we come for dinner as soon as you’re recovered. I promise we will, send my love to his wife, boyfriend, and seven children, and hang up relieved - at least we won’t have an angry posse of Mexicans batter down our door in the middle of the night._

_I drink a tea in order to gain some time - and soon the security guard who’s been eyeing me with one hand on his pocket gets a phone call, looks at me, frowns, nods, and walks out. Thank you, Eduardo. And thank fuck I got you out of trouble with Sinaloa a few years ago. I ask reception to call us a taxi and head back to the theatre, where you grab me into your arms._

_“All arranged, my love... let’s get out of here quick...”_

 

 The doctor appears to have been waiting by the reception desk to chide me for leaving so soon, and to tell me my wound was not as critical as it could have been had the knife gone in a little higher, and he hopes I know I'm very lucky, and then pats my shoulder one last time. He turns to you, tells you severely to take _very good_ care of me, and the nurse would know what to do if there were any issues.

I'm so anxious to be alone with you, all the way through being discharged, wheeled out, and then being bundled by you into the taxi, and... finally... freedom. I breathe a sigh of relief when you slide into the seat next to mine. "Fuck," I mutter. "Let's get home already... Sorry, babe. I guess I'm rustier than I thought... I need to get back to training as soon as possible..." and I turn to look at you, and the tears finally start to flow...

 

 

_Oh don’t, Sebastian... I can’t, we’re in a cab... I can’t cry... I... fuck._

_I wipe away the tears - no this is bad - I have to be able to stop tears in public –_

_I push the feelings away. It works. Now what? Will I be able to get them back?_

_I notice with interest and relief that I only pushed the grief away - the love and concern are still there._

_I bend over to you, hold you so incredibly carefully, stroke your hair, whisper “I’m so sorry Sebbie... so so sorry... I shouldn’t have gone out, you were so right, we weren’t ready... it’s all my fault, I didn’t think... I’m a rubbish boss... I should really resign and let you take over... my poor sweet love... the guy who did it is dead... I’m so sorry I got you into that....”_

 

 

"I don't want to take over... The Empire is _yours_ , Jim. Don't make any rash decisions because of one fucked up day. Because then _I_ should resign too, I let myself get hurt, and... you could have gotten hurt while I was passed out, and I'm not OK with that. I'm so not on top of my game right now... I'm just not. I still have more emotional recovering to do, I guess. You, too... Just leave making decisions until we're feeling like ourselves… yeah? Or feeling like our new selves, I guess..." I rub my eyes. "Jim... I'm so sorry, too... I threw a lot of attitude at you when you were clearly hurting... I hope you can forgive me..." I press my lips to your palm.

 

 

_This is going to be our life now, isn’t it... getting into violent arguments and then both apologizing... trying to convince each other that no, it’s my fault, really... oh my sweet Sebastian..._

_“It’s fine, my love... you were right... what I was demanding of you was unreasonable. I mean - I still feel bad about what happened, but... making you kill him would have been so hurtful to you... and I could see that, but I couldn’t separate that from the conviction that somehow you feeling grateful for him saving your life meant that you had feelings for him, which meant that he had to die even more... and if you didn’t have feelings for him you’d have no problem with killing him... I’m sorry, in the back of my mind I could see the reasoning was wrong, but I wouldn’t listen to myself...”_

 

 

"Oh, baby... You know I wouldn't have risked losing you over it... I would have done it if there was no choice... but it would have fucked me up. There are no feelings there other than respect and appreciation for saving my life. I will totally fire him and never talk to him again, I really don't care about anything but you... I'm sorry you were hurt by it, I'm so, so sorry...." I'm managing to keep back my tears, but I can tell there's a maelstrom just waiting for me to get home... Oh... I see it, just down the street... My eyes light up. "Jim... we're _home_..."

_*Home*_ _... Yes, it is our home... our home more than the London place ever was..._

_I give the taxi driver a lot of money and he helps getting you inside, where I put you in a bed in one of the ground floor bedrooms._

_“The nurse should be here in an hour... she can sleep in the room next door. Sebastian, my Sebastian...”_

_I burst into tears. Oh - good. So, I can put feelings away and then deal with them later - it’s not a choice between having them and putting them in the bunker. Thank fuck. “Sebbie... my love... I was so fucking worried... I’ll never put you in a situation like that again... I hope... I was such a reckless idiot - some genius I am...” I hold you carefully but tightly as my tears flow copiously._

 

 

"Aw, Jim... this is nothing. Seriously...I'll be fine. Please don't be sad..." I kiss your cheek and caress your hair.

"The one good thing that came out of this is I realized how off I am, and how I need to get back to training. At least I figured that out in a stupid bar fight, and not in a worse situation. And please don't feel guilty... Jim - I wanted it as much as you did. It was fucking _fun_..." I lean back in my pillows and laugh. "Quiet day tomorrow, babe?" I start to cry, and your arms are wrapping tightly around me, and I feel so safe and warm.... "I love you... I'm sorry, baby," I weep into your shoulder. "I love you...always and forever...."

 

 

_Oh yes *this* is our life now, I forgot. We cry in each other’s arms. Oh, well - could be worse - we could be crying in separate rooms after a fight - fortunately we don’t do that... or haven’t yet._

_“Yes, thank fuck I was so bored in Tuscany that I kept in shape religiously... but - fuck. I should have realized..._

_Yeah, let’s not plan a quiet day. Thus far the quiet day has been the most stressful since we got here - and that’s saying something..._

_But - well... the Bain thing has been plaguing on my mind since you mentioned him. I was going to bring him up tomorrow, but..._

_so yeah, I said I could compromise, so watch James Moriarty compromise: Bain will be let go and leave London when we return. He’ll get a decent fuck-off package. He won’t have to die, but you’re not staying in touch. Fair enough?”_

 

 

I sigh with relief. "Thank you... I appreciate that, I really do. Done- I don't need to stay in touch." I look at you. "So we're _not_ planning any more quiet days, huh... I guess I'll need _some_ down time..." I kiss your lips. "But I'm sure I can get up to a few things..."

 

 

_“You most certainly will not,” I state as I pull away from you. “You will do nothing but what the nurse tells you. She speaks perfect English, albeit in a New York accent. And the doctor recommended her - as well as rest._

_Oh - he was looking at me in a funny way and getting me out of the way - did he want to rescue you from me?”_

 

 

I laughed. "Oh, yeah... I totally forgot. He did not trust you- or my own judgement, apparently. I'm glad I didn't end up in some kind of protective services against my will..."

 

 

_“That would have been fun... I’d have had to break you out. I can see the daring rescue - do you think they might have had a chandelier for me to swing from, whilst swashbuckling? With you fainting in my arms? But seriously - I can appreciate his concern. For all he knew, I was keeping you kidnapped and you were terrified of me. It’s good they check. So, love of my life - are you hungry? Thirsty? You probably shouldn’t smoke... not with your throat hurt...”_

 

 

I laugh. "I'm sorry I won't get to see your swashbuckling rescue, but it's probably for the best. I was _just thinking_ how hungry I am, babe... I could eat a small horse." I kiss your lips again. "Do you know what kind of nightmare I'll be if i can't smoke?? And I don't want to be in here by myself, I want to be on the sofa..."

 

 

_"If you’re a good boy, I might swing from the chandelier in the entrance - though I’m not sure if they make them like they used to. That thin chain doesn’t look like it could hold a swashbuckler and his blushing bridegroom._

_I’ll make you some food, but you’re not smoking or moving from here until you have permission from the nurse. She’ll be my second in command until she has declared you recovered... no decree from her shall be disobeyed.”_

_I get tears in my eyes again - “Tiger. I was so afraid of losing you...”_

_I look into your beautiful loving eyes, thankfully so full of life... I imagine them dead and still and... it burns my heart…_

_“I could never- if something happened to you, it would kill me... and it was so close... my fault....” I see that door again, closed in front of me with such finality. The eternity I spent there. I burst into tears - yet again - great, this feelings stuff - and hold you tight._

 

 

"Jim… you're going to make me cry..." I say desperately. "I'm fine..." I squeeze you back. "But, I'm already climbing the walls... when is she getting here? And - having _two_ people boss me around? God... you're more than enough..." I nudge you, playfully. "Please, just let me rest on the sofa until she gets here... I promise I'll behave..." I throw you my very saddest puppy dog eyes.

 

 

_“The doctor said bed rest. Also, what is there on the sofa that isn’t here? You have a nice comfy pillow and enough space to stretch your legs - the sofa is too short. I’m not going anywhere - and this room has a DVD-player and telly too. If you want to watch anything, tell me. And tell me what you want to eat, and I’ll make it - or order it. Whatever you like Tiger.” I’m going to take such care of you. You’ll gain at least a stone._

 

 

I begin to sulk for real. "It's boring in here... I don't like hanging out in bed, unless it's for something good... can we...?"

 

 

_I’m genuinely shocked - I didn’t know you still could. “You just got *stabbed* in the fucking *neck*! Are you mad?! Do you honestly think I would let you engage in any kind of strenuous activity? Sebastian - this place is not boring. It has the exact same amenities as the living room, except on a different scale. And now you will tell me what you want to eat or I will make you whatever I think is healthiest.”_

 

 

"I didn't mean _right_ this second... Jesus... I meant tonight." I look at you pleadingly, then give up. "Fine. It's my honeymoon, and I'm being denied... this is crap..." I mumble. "All right, all right! Don't look at me like that. I don't really care, everything we ate before was good. Oh! Enchiladas. I want enchiladas..."

 

 

_Good. I can do enchiladas. They’re in the fridge and can be nuked._

_“You and I will have sex as and when the nurse approves, and no sooner. I’m sorry, I know it’s your honeymoon, but your idiot of a husband went and got you hurt. I promise he’ll do anything you want once you’re recovered. Anything. So - how are you feeling? Are you hurting? The anaesthetic should be starting to wear off - the nurse will bring some more. I won’t have you hurting, my love...”_

 

 

" _God_ … our sex life will be determined by some nurse from New Jersey? What if she's a tyrant? I can only handle the adorable ones, and there's room in my life for exactly one..." I sigh. "I'm all right. I'm annoyed with myself more than anything. How many did you kill? I'm sorry I missed seeing that... you're so beautiful to watch..." I say ruefully. "Yeah, it hurts, but - it's not terrible. Whatever. I'm more annoyed by the bed rest than the pain."

 

 

_I smile at that. “She’s Mexican - she probably studied in New York or lived there. She sounded nice. I killed... five after you went down I think. It’s a bit of a blur. I wanted to get you to a hospital and they were in my way. God, Tiger... if that knife had been an inch to the left... or if he’d pulled it... I can’t believe I got us into that...”_

_Tears start pouring again... there will be lots of them before this is over, I think..._

_“We should get back in shape. And - I should stop being a reckless idiot. You are so incredibly precious, my love... I want to put you in my pocket or a safe and keep you safe forever..._

_I’ll- I’ll get you the enchiladas. And - what would you like to drink? I’ll make you some tea...” That’s what you do for injured Englishmen right? You make them tea._

 

 

"Baby... you've got to stop beating yourself up about it..." I soothe. "I told you, I totally wanted to do it. The last few days have been so fucking hard, and it really did feel good to just be out, and... stirring up a hornet's nest, apparently." I grin. "I had a blast! Didn't you?? Yeah, the end wasn't awesome... but no matter how good you are, if you're taking on 6 or 7 dudes at once... there's always a _chance_ one of them will have a lucky day. No one's infallible, not even me or you... and I'm in stunning _shape_ ," I protest. "Did you not want to stare at my naked body all day? It's just my instincts that need some sharpening up. But I guess throwing myself into training will have to wait a few days..." I pout. "So for now, rest, tea and enchiladas? And _you_ , please... otherwise, I'll just end up dragging myself wherever you are so I can hang out with you... "

 

 

 

_“You stay right here. I will be back with your order momentarily.” I say sternly. Your words do put me at ease, a bit... yes, it was fun to blow off steam..._

_I put the enchiladas in the microwave, put the kettle on for tea, pace the kitchen while I wait for it to boil. What you said is true, though - someone could get lucky - and - what if someone got lucky enough to kill you? How would I ever survive? I wouldn’t - I can’t - my Tiger –_

_And I know you say you’re out of form, but - luck... and... you’re 42, you’re not going to remain the fastest, strongest man in the universe forever..._

_Maybe we should retire for real? Just - stay here?_

_Yeah... no. I’m not too keen on that... I’m not quite ready to bury myself alive..._

_But... take a more hands-off approach. Be more like a godfather rather than getting involved in everything. And have you in a strategic role rather than in the midst of the fray._

_Yeah... like you’re going to be happy with that... though... I don’t know... part of your love for danger was your self-destructiveness, and that has receded..._

_Anyway. We will think about that in London. For now - nurse Tiger back to health._

_I make us both a cup of tea and a plate of food, carry it into your room._

 

 

When you leave the room, the smile slides off my face. Poor Jim... even in the previous few days, I haven't seen you so sad... stressed out.... guilty... afraid... and the worst part is, there's nothing I can do to make it better. I can soothe, reassure, make jokes... but this experience was a dose of reality. Maybe happy, in-love psychopaths are less on point? Is getting healthier damaging our killer instinct?? But then... I think my killer instinct was already damaged from the hell of this last year. Anyway... I can't be brooding about all this when you come back, so... something to consider, in the not-too-distant future.

I'm flipping through TV channels when you return. "Look, they have a lot of English language channels on demand, including HBO... should we find a series and binge-watch it? I hear it's all the rage..."

 

 

_“Sure - you can choose. We can try Game of Thrones if you like - some fantasy sounds good. I’ve had enough of reality for a bit...”_

_I put a tray of food in front of you and set myself on a chair as you load up the series. It’s off to a promising start - less twee and predictable than most fantasy._

_As we’re getting into it, the doorbell rings, and I greet the nurse. She’s about 35, absolutely gorgeous - I feel a stab at that and decide that I will do any washing of the patient, thank you very much - and introduces herself as Juana._

_I guide her to your room and wait anxiously as she examines your wound._

 

 

"Hello, Jacob! I'm Juana," the nurse says as you usher her in.

 

"Hello, Juana," I say. "Just call me Jake."

 

The nurse is chatting as she examines my wound, and you're looking oddly between us. No - not oddly? Anxiously? Jealously?? I barely even looked at her!

 

"So, Juana. I would love to recover on the sofa, and my darling husband is being a bit of a tyrant. It's OK to be in the living room, isn't it?"

 

She looks at us. "Perhaps tomorrow. Why don't you just stay here for now..." I don't even bother asking if it's OK to have sex yet. I sigh, feeling dejected.

 

 

_“He’s usually very active - sports man... it’s hard for him, being confined to a bed, poor guy...” I look at her face. She seems cheerful enough - that’s good, right?_

_“So - is it going to be alright? Will he be fully OK again? No permanent damage?”_

_“It will leave a scar,” she says, looking at you dubiously, “But it will hardly be the first one...”_

_I can read her mind clearly, she’s not fooled for a minute by my ‘army, Afghanistan’ chatter._

_She winks at me - winks? At me?! - and breezily remarks “So, Adam, you like to play rough, do you? Well, you better take it easy for a while - no major damage done, but he needs to recover from the blood loss, and mustn’t do anything to damage the stitches. You should be very sweet to him - he’s a sweetie, aren’t you, Jake?”_

_It’s not often that I find myself speechless._

 

 

I laugh at the wink and 'play rough' comment, but you're too shocked to notice. Sweetie? "Yes, Ma'am. Guilty as charged," I reply.

 

"All right. I'll change the dressing later tonight. But everything looks good so far. Why don't you show me to my room, Adam? I hope it's close by, so I can make sure there's no funny business!" She looks at us severely, and then winks again. Your face registers shock as you lead her away.

I laugh again, and then stop when I realise... not only I have to convince you I'll be fine for sex, but I have to make sure this nurse doesn't hear us? _Fuck_...

 

 

_I shove myself out of my shock and show Juana her room._

_Ah fuck it... I know you..._

_“So, eh... I’m not sure how to say this, but Jake... well... he’s a very... sensual guy...” I eye her suspiciously, but she doesn’t show any interest at that comment, “and... well, you’ve seen, it’s not the first time he got hurt. And he’s absolutely careless about his own safety. Will want to have all his creature comforts straightaway again - smoking, drinking, sex. So, I can guarantee you that the moment you’re out of the room he’ll be all over me - especially when he’s bored because he’s stuck in bed. So - when do you think it’s safe for him to... engage in any of that?”_

_She laughs, a clear laugh with just a hint of dirty humour in it._

_“Well, smoking is bad for him anyway - but there’s no more danger now than before. His windpipe hasn’t been damaged. No drinking on the antibiotics they say - but one or two glasses should be alright. As to sex - well...”_

_She looks at me in a funny way - wait - what?! she thinks I’m hot?! That’s - people fancy you - especially women - who would give me a second glance when they’ve seen you?! I’m momentarily taken aback, but fortunately she’s a professional - it’s a ‘oh he’s hot, I wonder what he’d be like’ look rather than a ‘I’m going to get you drunk and convert you to heterosexuality’ look._

_“... he really needs to take it easy. So nothing today, definitely. If he’s really desperate, tomorrow you may pleasure him - but nothing strenuous. You do all the work, use your hand or your mouth, he just sits and enjoys. That’s all until I say otherwise. Can you live with that... Adam?”_

_She’s looking at me searchingly - oh no, sweetheart, no one reads me. You get the kinky yet concerned husband and nothing more. How do I have the feeling she is very aware that my name is not Adam nor yours Jake? Well - that’s all you get, sweetheart._

_I think she’s being entirely reasonable with the restrictions - many medical personnel would have been all ‘don’t do anything you enjoy for two weeks’ and I’d never get you to listen to that. I show her where everything is and leave her to get settled, offer her dinner but she says she’s eaten, and will make her own tea - I should go to Jake._

_As I get back to you, I close the door with a sigh, lean against it. “Well. She’s... different.”_

 

 

"Yeah. I was worried we'd end up with Nurse Ratched. So, did you talk to her? When can we have sex again? Oh - can you go back and ask her about smoking? I'm dying for a fag... and - more tea? Please?"

 

 

_“I’ll get you some more tea, my love... and I did ask about sex and fags... I know you, bloody hedonist... making me ask scandalous questions of an innocent lady..._

_You’re not supposed to smoke for a month, no alcohol for two weeks, and no sex until the stitches are out.”_

_I laugh at your shocked and hurt expression._

_“No, she’s very reasonable. Smoking is bad for you, but no worse now than any time, so feel free to light up-“ I get an ashtray from a side table as you gratefully draw your fags out of your pocket._

_“One or two glasses of alcohol a day as long as you’re on antibiotics, and no sex today, but I’m allowed to give you a blow job tomorrow.”_

_You snigger at that. “She actually said that?”_

_“She’s quite... straightforward. She said I could use my hand or mouth but you were not to move a muscle until she said so. And I trust her - she doesn’t seem the type to be needlessly careful.”_

_I go to the kitchen, where Juana is boiling the kettle. She smiles at me. “So, how long have you two been married, Jim?”_

_I look at her, mouth open. What –_

_“If you’re going to assume a false identity, you really should go with the initials carved into your husband... do you have his as well, or was it a unilateral thing?”_

_Fuck_ _. She’s right - how could I have been so negligent?! Damn, we’re both off our game - badly-_

_“Besides, he called you Jim in the theatre. Dr Hernández told me the name didn’t match the name you gave - he warned me you might be dangerous... tell me Jim... are you dangerous?”_

_...I’m being fucking flirted with by your nurse. Who’s intrigued by my playing rough. That’s a new one..._

_“I can be dangerous, but never to medical professionals who are taking excellent care of my husband who was unlucky enough to get hurt on our honeymoon...”_

_There. Husband. Honeymoon. Hands off, woman._

_“Oh, it’s your honeymoon?” She seems genuinely delighted. “Congratulations! Don’t worry, he’ll be good as new in no time and you can get up to your naughty games again...”_

_Yes. Our naughty games. Our sex holiday. Very married and devoted to each other._

_“I’ll... get Jake his tea. He’s very happy he’s allowed to smoke... and the rest. Enjoy your tea. Let me know if you need anything.”_

_I flee the kitchen. How long is she staying?_

 

 

You return to the room with tea, looking even more taken aback than before. I take a drag from my cigarette. "What now?" You fill me in on the conversation, and I laugh. "Jesus. Totally sounds like she's flirting with you. She has _no_ idea what she's up against. But now do we need to worry about her listening at the door when you pleasure me all day?" I stub out my fag, shaking my head. "Fuck.... The name thing, though... hope that's not an issue. At least she only knows your first name, but... yeah, the initials didn't even cross my mind. But we're usually not shirtless when we're giving aliases, so...." I look at you, thinking… "I don't know. Let's keep an eye out, do some research on the lady, make sure she's not giving information to anyone.... and I'll be a very well-behaved stabbing victim, so we can get rid of her and have the house to ourselves again. I didn't picture our honeymoon including a winking den mother, and I'd like to be able walk around naked and fuck on the beach again... alone. Now come here..." I pat the spot next to me.

 

 

_“I’ll get some info on her,” I sigh as I flop down next to you. “Fuck’s sake - trust us to end up with a kinky nurse... The weird thing is though, she does know what she’s up against! How can anyone look at you and think I’ll ever have eyes for anyone else?! Unless she’s after a threesome - she may be one of those women who fetishize gay men - like stereotypical straight men do with lesbians. Geez - yeah, the house suddenly feels a lot less secure with a medic in it, paradoxically... I doubt she’d object if you walked around naked, but I most strictly forbid anything of the sort. And yeah - you used to be more careful not to mention my name in public... I’m not blaming you!” I say quickly as I see your face fall. “I’m just saying... we’re both dropping the ball, and we shouldn’t get ourselves into dangerous situations until we are fully ourselves again... “I put on a Mexican/New-York accent: “So tell me Jake... are you dangerous?”_

 

 

I laugh. "Baby... I'm as dangerous as you want, and a whole lot more..." I caress your face seductively, and then move in for a kiss. When we come up for air, we're staring at each other. I sigh. "Oh. Right. It's _forbidden_...You know that just makes me want it more, right... Adam?"

 

 

_“Jake Lambert, you incorrigible priapist. I am *not* going to sneakily have sex behind the nurse’s back. You will get a blow job tomorrow and you’ll be grateful for it.”_

_I stroke your hair, your cheek. “I came way too close to losing you today... I am not going to take any risks with your health any more. Let’s watch Game of Thrones until it’s time to change your dressing; and I’ll see what I can dig up on nurse Rozetta... oh don’t look at me so shocked - I do hear it when you play music, I just do my best to ignore it.”_

 

 

"Aww... you know I feel the same way about your ridiculous taste in music, babe. Looking at me, would you guess I know every goddamn song Britney Spears has ever recorded?"

I nuzzle your hand as you touch my face. "Anyway, I'm just playing - I know we can't have sex and I promised to be good. But I have to have _some_ fun, so I don't explode. ... I don't mind lying around if it's my choice, but being forced to stay still is like torture. I can do it when I'm on the job waiting for a mark... or physically in restraints. _Do not_ get any ideas, Adam. I told you, I'd behave... I anticipate being able to have very gentle sex in two days, so there's my motivation. That and not worrying you..." I caress your face.

"I'm sorry today was so hard on you. You're not going to lose me. You're going to have me angling for sex for a very, very, very long time... _and_ blow jobs. _And_ being tied up and whipped. But until then... Game of Thrones, it is. Why couldn't our nurse look like Jason Momoa? _Oof_. Are you allowed to hit me? I'm just a poor, injured assassin, you brute..." I pout, and pull you against me, grinning.

 

 

_“I don’t know... putting you in restraints would be a very easy and effective way to keep you resting... and with a gag I could have some peace and quiet too...” Jim, you’re not helping. Stop it. “Even if our nurse looked like Jason Momoa, there would still be no threesomes. I’m very jealous of my toys - especially when I’ve married them.”_

_We watch a bit more of Game of Thrones and decide we both enjoy it after the first episode. We’ve just started the second when Juana knocks on the door with a bowl of water and clean dressings. She beams at us._

_“Look at you two, all snuggled up in bed! It’s not that bad being stuck in bed when you have such a handsome husband keeping you company, is it, Jake?”_

 

 

I roll my eyes. "The husband is a dream... I just don't like being stuck here. So- change of dressing, and I'm all better?"

Juana looks up from setting up her work area on the bedside table, and gives me a professional _oh, you_ look. She peels back the bandaging gently, and observes the wound.

"It's looking good. Hardly all better... but no issues for now."

She gets to work, expertly cleaning and re-dressing the wound.

"There." she gives my arm a pat. "How does it feel?"

 

"Like some arsehole stabbed me in the neck. Peachy."

 

"And yet it doesn't seem to have upset you one bit, having been stabbed..." She smiles, and picks up her the bowl and discarded dressings. "Almost like you're used to critical injuries."

 

"You know… former soldier." I do remember you mentioning it before, so it should be OK to divulge. "Only getting stabbed is a cakewalk."

 

She laughs as she heads to the door.

"If you say so... Enjoy your evening, lovebugs. Don't hesitate to wake me up if there are _any_ issues. It's what I'm here for."

And with that, she closes the door.

 

"Suddenly I'm happy to be in here, and not out in the open. Jesus. Protect me, Jim..." I grin, and cuddle up to you as you kiss my forehead and pick up the remote.

 

 

_“Don’t worry my Sun and Stars - I’ll keep you safe from the scary nurse...” I smile._

_We spend the rest of the night watching a few more episodes, cuddling up, occasionally kissing. I fuss about you, keep offering you food and drink, allow you *one* bottle of beer, no Jake, a glass of beer is not a pint in Mexico, and wonder aloud if you always smoke so much._

 

 

 “No... only when I’m stressed out. Feeling like a captive makes me... unsettled. Even if my jailer is so sweet and delicious and hot.” I kiss your lips.

“I’m just glad I’m not in the hospital... then you’d see a whole other level of agitation.” I sigh, and rest my head against your shoulder. “I know, I’ve been shrugging it off, but- I’m so glad it’s not any worse. I’m not afraid of pain... but the thought of being kept away from you, especially at _night_...” I shudder. “I would not handle that well... Moon of my life...” I whisper, and close my eyes.

 

 

_“My Tiger... I haven’t met the hospital guard and nurse I couldn’t bribe... I’m just so glad it isn’t worse.” I stroke you head, carefully avoiding your neck._

_“I’m just puzzled at your issue with feeling like a captive... usually you’re all for me keeping you imprisoned...” I grin. “It’s alright, my love... we can go to sleep now, and when you wake up... Nurse Rozetta did not specify *when* you could have your blow job tomorrow...”_

_I realize I’m actually quite tired. It’s been an intense day, after a few other intense days..._

 

" _X-rated_ imprisonment, yes... I did enjoy cuddling with you and watching the show. I do _not_ enjoy being told I can't engage in my favourite activity in the world. Especially while I'm watching Khal Drogo on the screen, and I have _you_ right next to me. It's like torture, and not the good kind... " I mutter. "Oh, I don't get some kind of chart telling me when blow jobs are ok? I guess it's up to the patient's discretion, then... as soon you're awake, baby. Even if I'm sleeping... you can rouse me." I press my face into your neck, feeling drowsy.

 

 

_“What is this fascination with Khal Drogo, my Sun and Stars? You’re not telling me you have a thing for tall burly swarthy long-haired blokes, do you?”_

_Look, appreciating eye candy is one thing... but if you’re going to get turned on by anyone it’d better be me, alright?_

_“Don’t worry my love - the moment you wake my mouth is yours... and with that inspiring thought... let’s go to sleep... “_

_I put your pillow down, watch as you lay your head on it. “Are you comfortable like that? Is it ok for your neck? Should I remove the pillow, wouldn’t that be better? Do you want anything to eat before bed? Another drink? Are you sure I am not in your way?”_

 

 

I chuckle and beam at you. "You're so sweet, Jim... I'm fine, trust me. I have water for when I get thirsty, and I have you for when I need to feel you next to me - which is for the entire night. You are so _the opposite_ of in my way... you are everything I need and want and desire. Khal Drogo is awfully pretty to look at, but why would I want that when I have the hottest, most beautiful man I've ever seen...?" I sigh and gaze at you. "I already can't wait until I wake up... Moon of my Life... I love you more than... everything..." I'm fighting to stay awake so I can keep staring at your beautiful face, but I just need one moment to rest my eyes...

 

 

_You fall asleep quickly and that’s good, you need your sleep... Sleep makes you better, Tiger... my poor love..._

_I lie awake in the darkness, thinking back on the day, seeing the scene where you get stabbed in the neck over and over again. The guy suddenly appearing behind you... seeing the knife in his hand, knowing I am powerless to do anything... opening my mouth to shout a warning, but knowing it’s too late... feeling *convinced* you’re going to die... if I weren’t afraid I’d wake you up I’d moan at the memory. Instead, tears run silently down my temples and drop into my ears. You going down, the blood pushing up through your fingers... Needing to be with you, to see the wound, and those lowlifes being in my way... those endless, endless seconds when I didn’t know how bad it was... when I saw my life with you end five days after it had begun..._

_The tears run faster and I am afraid I’ll start sobbing... So I push the memory away, and try to force myself to sleep. I can’t, and I can’t toss and turn, so I just lie, staring into the darkness, until finally I drop off._

 

 

I'm surrounded by clouds... velvety soft clouds... there is nothing here, nothing at all and it's peaceful... Then I hear a sound, and it's roaring through the clouds... it sounds like a scream of emptiness, loneliness, unfathomable sorrow... deep, deep pain...

It reverberates through me, and I'm flinching, trying to get away from it... but I don't know where it's coming from, I can't see through the clouds...

And then I'm realising it's coming from inside me... like it started a long, long time ago... but then I feel the presence of the voice from before... and I see hands come out through the clouds, and I reach for them - and they pull me out from the grey, grey clouds of nothingness - and I see the source of the voice, and it's my love...

"Jim...?" I ask, as you pull me towards you. "Where are we going?"

"Wherever we want, darling..." you say, and pull me in for a deep kiss. We walk hand in hand towards a sunrise on a beach, and you look at me I feel so full of love-

I wake up and see your face on the pillow next to mine, sleeping peacefully. I curl closer to you, smiling and drop back into sleep.

 

 

_I wake up because you’re sitting bolt upright in bed. I look at you, startled - you motion at me to be quiet. *Danger*._

_Shit, shit, shit - no weapons within reach - I left them upstairs when I put on a clean shirt - and you - you didn’t ask for them - that’s so unlike you –_

_Your face is furious, you must be having the same thoughts. I look around the room - plenty of projectiles, lamps, vases, a paperweight with sharp corners - but nothing that’s much use against an armed opponent after the element of surprise is gone._

_I hear what woke you - footsteps in the corridor, sneaking, trying to be silent, going past our door - coming from the direction of the other bedroom-_

_Oh._

_Wait._

_Other bedroom. We’re downstairs. Because you got hurt. And you have a nurse. Who is sneaking to the kitchen trying not to wake us._

_Fuck... that’s going to take some getting used to. Also, we’d better warn her that if she doesn’t want to disturb us, clomping down the hall in clogs is a better idea than sneaking._

_“Nurse,” I whisper at you, seeing your head whip down at me in shock at me making a sound, your wince of pain when you stretch your wound, and realization dawning on your face in the space of half a second._

_What the fuck_... intruders? And no weapons?! I will tear them apart limb from limb...

Then you're whispering "Nurse" at me, which makes no sense until I feel the pain from my stab wound.

I exhale loudly. "Jesus fucking Christ..." I exclaim, and you wave at me to be quiet.

"I don't fucking care-" I protest.

 

"Do you want her to come in here and check on you?" You whisper fiercely. "Then - be- quiet - "

 

I sag against the pillow. "I feel like a double prisoner," I complain. "Imprisoned in a guest room, and then imprisoned by a nosy nurse guarding the rest of the house. We just got this place... and I'm not free to roam around in my own home. _Fucking hell_..." I'm glaring daggers at the door, furious. You're silent, and I look at you and sigh. "Sorry, baby- so much adrenaline and no where to put it..." I open my arms to you, and smile.

"Morning, sunshine..."

 

 

_... yes, I was waiting for that since I realized it was Juana... you’re awake now. It’s technically tomorrow - it’s ten past four - so guess who will want his blow job?_

_“Look, Tiger... I’ll ask if she can just come in and change your dressing when needed - we can pay for her taxi - but not until she’s confident that there won’t be any complications needing her immediate attention. I’m not taking risks with you...”_

 

 

I sigh with relief. "Thank you, darling. I feel like... an indignant cat having a stranger in the house. Can't relax... but I did sleep well. I even had a good dream!" I say, remembering. "Well, it didn't start out that way.. but then you came and saved me from myself."

I gaze at you. "I fucking love you... now come here..."

 

 

_“I love you too, my Sun and Stars... try to sleep some more...” I try, as I am wrapped in Tiger arms._

 

 

How long do I have to sleep for? I wonder. It's tomorrow already...

"Moon of my life," I murmur, and begin to drift.

 

 

_Good - you’re drifting off again. Not that I’m not happy to give you a blowjob - but I really think you should sleep more._

_Nurse Rozetta (I really must stop calling her that - what if I say it to her face? Though I doubt she knows much Alice Cooper) is sneaking back to her room with a glass of wine._

_Having trouble sleeping in a new environment, Juana? Don’t feel bad, the environment is having trouble sleeping around you as well._

_I cuddle up against you, wait for sleep to claim me._

 


	4. So Fucking Happy

I wake up on my side with you curled against my chest. I am so fucking happy and I can't remember why. Also, my neck hurts. Oh yeah... stab wound, home invasion by an unsettling nurse, and a no-sex rule. But we both survived yesterday, we weathered the Bain storm (which had been preying on my mind), and I have my Kitten, and that's all that matters. I breathe in your Kitten scent deeply, and press my lips to your hair. I fucking love you...

 

 

_I wake to a golden glow both around and inside me - oh... Tiger kissing my hair. There was something about Tiger... shit!_

_“Seb. How are you feeling? How is your neck?” I sit up to look at your wound, making you protest and try to get me back in your arms._

 

 

"Jim, I'm fine. It hurts, but that's to be expected. _La enfermera_ will probably be knocking on the door before we know it. Let me get my cuddles in while I can..." I successfully pull you down and kiss your neck.

 

 

_I can’t resist a Tiger at the best of time - how could I possibly say no to a wounded Tiger? Wounded because of me - another stab of guilt. But it’s quickly melted in the passion and love of your kiss..._

_“My Sebastian... I love you so much... I’m going to keep you safe from now on... I’m going to try to be more reasonable... it’s hard for me, but I will try... my love, my life... my incredible husband...”_

 

 

"Mmm..." I murmur into your neck. "You're perfect. Beautiful and perfect. I woke up so happy - even with a stab wound, and being trapped in this fucking room, and being denied sex. Wanna know why? Because you're you - you're my favourite thing on the planet, and I have you. So I'm good - for the very first time - because I fucking love you." I plant soft kisses along your neck. "Still gonna be a _handful_ today. Sorry, babe..."

 

_“Oh, you’re more than a handful...” I grin._

_What made you wake so loving? Is this what you’re like now? Or just today? Whatever - it’s rare these days neither of us wake up screaming... Let’s enjoy it._

_“I love you so fucking much Sebastian... I’ll get you back in top shape in no time, and we’ll finally have that day of relaxation and sex...”_

_Just as our kisses are getting heated, I hear footsteps approaching._

_“Yoo-hoo boys! Are you decent?”_

 

"Kill it for me... please, Jim..." I whine. "I promise to be good, just please - kill - it - now. Stop laughing, I'm _serious_... " I let out a strangled roar, and throw a book hard at the door which hits it with a loud thump right before you get there to unlock it.

You look back at me, shaking your head. But you're smiling when you turn back to the door. You unlock it, open it a crack, and I hear some mumbling. The door closes, and you turn back.

"She'll be back in just a minute."

I huff. "I have really creative murder scenarios going on in my head right now. You should be aware of that. Aaaand you should probably not leave me alone for too long." I smile sweetly. "Ready."

 

 

_“Sebastian Patrick Moriarty, you are not having any sex until the nurse says it’s ok. If you kill her, she won’t be able to say it’s ok. Behave.”_

_I let Juana back in, who is all smiles again, and wearing a dress that has really a quite unprofessional amount of cleavage._

_She takes off your dressing and nods approvingly. “That’s looking really good, Jake. I’ll let you and Jim continue with what you were doing once I’ve refreshed your bandage, but I mean it - Jim does all the work, you just relax. No straining your muscles too much either - it’s best if you just lean on a pillow. Can you do that for me?”_

 

 

I snort. "Yeah. I'll do it for _you_. You have a good day, now..."

She doesn't seem troubled by my surliness, and chats as she gathers up her things. I pointedly ignore the chatter, and you pick up the slack. You walk her to the door, and there's some hushed talking before you close it and lock it up.

"Apologizing for me, Boss? That's a first..." I laugh despite myself. "Actually that _must_ be a first. What did Warden Juana have to say? Did she give you some inappropriate pointers for giving a rocking blow job?"

 

 

_“She said to let her know if I needed any help...” I say appalled. “She said it in the context of taking care of you - but she made it more than clear what she meant - good grief, Sebastian. I’m not used to feeling like a sex object.”_

_I make sure the door is locked before I fall onto the bed._

_“I’m going to phone that doctor and check how long she should stay. I am not sure if I trust her judgment... Fucking hell Sebbie. Our fortress has been breached by a kinky hot nurse. Surely every man’s wet dream... and my worst nightmare. At least I’m glad you’re not tempted... when I first saw her, I thought...”_

 

"What??" I look at you, aghast. "Wait, _what_? I don't know where to start... Um, _no_. I'm not _tempted_. To be honest, I can't even imagine being with a woman now, even if you weren't in the picture… after you died, and I was trying to get myself to hook up, it crossed my mind for a second, and then I realized - after you, it would feel too bizarre. It's like being with you reconfigured my sexuality. Actually, brought it back to the original factory settings. _This_ is me, Jim... what my father dreaded I'd become... I'm _fucking gay_."

I break out into a smile. "I have a hot gay husband and I have hot gay sex every chance I get. It's been almost 24 hours, and I'm freaking out because I can't have any hot gay sex today. And I'm more than a little weirded out that there's a sexed-up nurse in the house coming on to you... and hinting at wanting a threesome with two men on their honeymoon? I don't get what's going on, but I'm worried it's not all above board... _and_ even if it's not, I don't _like_ it..."

 

_“Huh. I didn’t know - I mean, I knew you only want me, and you’d better - but I didn’t know you’d sworn off girls altogether.”_

_I don’t like the reference to you trying to get yourself to hook up, but I’ll ignore it._

_“I checked her out, and she seems ok - just, like you said, sexed up. Poor girl - she probably isn’t used to being refused - unless she makes it a habit to try to come on to gay guys... I may need to have a word... but first... I think you mentioned hot gay sex?”_

_I smile and snuggle up to you._

 

"Yeah, done with girls. And I'm done with anyone who's not you. Have been since the very first time..." I let out a long breath as I feel your body settle against mine. "Oh... that feels _nice_ … Now what would make it feel even nicer?" I resume kissing your neck.

 

 

_“Mmmm...” I purr. “Don’t strain your neck Jake...”_

 

 

"I'll be very careful..." I whisper, and start to nibble your neck. My hands move along your chest and abdomen. "Damn... you feel good, Adam..."

 

 

_“Apparently I’m Jim again...” I say chagrined, remembering my fuckup. “Fortunately she’s not seen *my* chest - and she’s not going to. I’m going to wear a full three-piece suit around the house, I think - with a vest underneath just to be on the safe side.”_

_I can’t help but giggle at the absurdity of the situation - “Look at us. Jim and Sebastian Moriarty, hiding away in a small room of their own villa from a five-foot-four girl, terrified.”_

 

 

"Yeah, I need to recover from this wound _fast_. I'm not ready to see you in clothes again. And after all the not-hiding we've been doing from our demons, I don't appreciate having to hide from _anyone else_. Maybe _she's_ a demon... an old Aztec demon, attracted to all the pain and suffering she sensed coming from the villa. She needs to be slain, Jim..." I kiss your face all over, and my hands move down to your hips. "Or maybe beheaded and burned...?"

 

_“You, my murderous husband, will keep your hands off her. And your knives, bullets, and any blunt instruments too. I will have a chat with her and explain that she is really really sweet and beautiful but we are really really gay. And if she doesn’t back off... I’ll get you another nurse. A lesbian one._

_Now... let me have a look at that neck...”_

_I kiss the uninjured side of your neck, gently suck and bite, stroking my hands over your chest, scratching my nails across._

 

 

"When have you ever told me _not_ to kill someone? Another first..."

I'm about to launch into my suspicion that she's some kind of undercover agent that the doctor arranged because he doesn't trust you, but now there's a Kitten kissing me, scratching me, biting me, and I really do want to tell you just in case it's not a crackpot theory, but it's fading from my mind fast, and my hands are cupping your bottom, and pulling you towards me, and I'm moaning your name, quietly enough so the demon doesn't hear us, and just behind your ear to make you shiver.

 

_I’m being very gentle, not drawing blood or bruising, because I don’t want to risk the wrath of Juana._

_You’re moaning my name behind my ear, and it’s sending shivers down my spine. I make my way down your beautiful chest, kissing, licking the marks from yesterday’s whip, carefully scratching._

_This might actually get interesting..._

_“Lie still Tiger... nurse’s instructions were clear...”_

 

 

“I _don’t care_ about somebody else’s fucking instructions,” I growl. “I follow _yours_... yours alone. So _you_ tell me, in _your_ words...”

Oh, shit... I’m more surly than I realized. Well, I did warn you I’d be a handful...

 

_I sit up, look up at you, grinning, then serious._

_“Alright Tiger...”_

_I grab your balls, tight, making you gasp._

_“Follow *_ _my*_ _orders then.”_

_I take your wrists, push them down next to your head, lean down on them._

_“Your hands stay here. Your head stays down. You’re not moving. You’ll lie there and take what I’ll give you._

_You can talk as much as you like - but any movement and I stop.”_

 

 

My mouth falls open at your formidable stare.

 _Fuck_ , I love how you go from playful to dominating in the blink of an eye... _yes_ , you're changeable, my mercurial husband, my unpredictable dark lord...

I exhale. "Yes... Sir..." I murmur. "I won't move..."

Then my stare meets yours. "Give it to me... Sir."

 

 

_“I will decide if and when I’ll give it to you, Tiger. The fact that you’re injured doesn’t give you the right to start using imperatives.” I scratch my nails down the insides of your thighs, right, then left, causing your eyes to screw shut, but you stay perfectly still. My beautiful obedient Tiger._

 

 

I had a feeling that would bring censure... My delicious, dominating Jim.

I keep myself still as you scratch my thighs, still sore from yesterday morning. "Sorry, Sir..." I breathe.

As I wonder what's in store for me, a slow shiver travels through me - I have to keep it from moving my muscles, and I manage to channel it into a shaky sigh. I watch your beautiful face as look at me, considering your next move.

 

 

_What to do with an injured Tiger... let’s start with sweet sweet kisses..._

_I kiss your lower belly, your groin, your thighs, opening your legs, biting the inside of your thighs... not *_ _too*_ _hard... sucking your flesh in between my teeth... biting down... it’s not like nurse Rozetta is going to check between your legs, right?_

 

 

 _Oh_ , fuck... I'm used to keeping still through pain, but in some ways keeping still through pleasure is a bigger challenge than expected. And now I have to remember what it's like to be still _and_ quiet, if I don't want that undercover demon winking at me next time she's checking my wound. Fuck's sake. I really do need to talk to you about my undercover agent theory... but now you're biting down on my inner thigh, and _fuuuuuck_... I let out a breathy moan.

 

_That moan sounds delicious. Let’s see if I can get another one... I make my way down your right thigh, sucking and biting._

 

Well, if I can't move, but I can make sounds... then fuck it. If didn't hold back in fucking first class on the plane, then I'm not holding back in my own goddamn house that's a wedding gift from my beloved Jim. And if Demon Nurse Rozetta even gives me a knowing _look_ , she and I are having a fucking conversation... _alone_. And _I'll_ show her who's dangerous... on some level it registers that all of the stress and emotion from yesterday are reaching a potentially dangerous level (and currently being projected at a probably harmless but sexually forward nurse)... which will hopefully peter out with a spectacular, unhindered orgasm. If not... we have a problem.

"Sir... Jim... can you please send her out for something? Tell her I need avocados, and to take her time. I'm _not_ holding back for her, I don't want her listening, and I'm afraid of what I'll do if she throws me any fucking attitude or makes you uncomfortable again. I'm serious..."

 

****

_“Ah man - this is silly. My own husband is feeling uncomfortable in his own house. I’m not sending her away and getting remarks for it - you do what you need and I’ll have a word with her the moment she opens her mouth to either me or you. I think I know her weakness... and I won’t hesitate to put extreme pressure on it if she won’t take a by now not even subtle anymore warning.”_

_I kiss you. “This is *_ _your*_ _house and she’s in *_ _our*_ _pay. If you want to growl, my Tiger, you do so... and I’ll make sure no one says a fucking *_ _word*_ _about it.”_

_I look at you fiercely._

 

 

A smile spreads slowly across my face, and I sense a glint in my eye. "Oh, good..." I purr. " _So_ looking forward to it... then I am _not_ holding back anymore..."

I gaze up at you, beaming. _Fuck, I love you... Moon of my life..._

"Sir... your pleasure is mine."

 

_“You *_ _are*_ _my pleasure, Tiger... this gorgeous body, all mine...” I stroke my fingers from your shoulder to your abdomen, just my fingers, feeling your strong muscles, your scars, the weals... your soft smooth skin... and I’m overwhelmed with awe, that this *_ _is*_ _mine, that you maintain those magnificent muscles to be strong for me; to fight and kill for me, to carry me up the stairs if I’m feeling weak, to hold me up while you fuck me... You are the most magnificent man I’ve ever met and you’re *_ _mine*_ _, not in the weak saccharine way that normal couples use the term, but in actual complete unconditional giving over of one life to another..._

_I shiver at the magnitude of this - I owned you before, but I never fully - or even nearly - appreciated what I had. My love..._

_I bend down, kiss you passionately, trying to communicate all that love and awe with my lips pressed to yours, my tongue claiming your mouth, my hands clasping your shoulders._

 

 

You begin caressing my muscles, gazing at my body.... and I have _never_ not enjoyed being admired, so I grin and take it. Only this doesn't seem to be just about my rocking hot body... you're looking so swept away, and you're shivering, and then you're leaning down to kiss me like I'm the most amazing, beautiful thing on the planet... and it's so overwhelming to be kissed like that because I feel the same way about you, and I kiss you back with the same intensity, and... oh... _Jim_...

 

 

_Wow. Things are heating up, and not just erotically. You’re kissing me with such unrestrained love... like I saw in your eyes when you woke up... is this what you are like now, now that you are truly free? I thought your love was intense before, but now it’s allowed to bloom in its full glory, it’s breathtaking... I can almost feel the glow radiating from your body, feeling it blend with my own, to create a fire blazing hotter than the sun, burning away our guilty pasts, burning away everything that is not real, leaving only our love, which is all that we are... we are truly symbiotic, nothing without each other... one... one celestial daemonic entity, all-powerful..._

_I make my way licking down your neck, your chest, gently nipping at your nipples, stroking you with utmost concentration..._

 

 

Now you're responding to how I'm kissing _you_ , and things are getting even hotter. This feels like new territory... as if all our categories are bleeding into each other - love, sex, affection, domination, pleasure, pain... adoration... devotion... worship... what happens if it becomes all one thing? _Can_ it become one? I think it _is_... and it's just us. We're 6 days into our honeymoon, and it's been 8 days since you returned to me. When I think back to who we were then, we feel like strangers to me... trying to figure out how to be together (without destroying each other), and trying to understand what love means for us (without destroying each other)…

I stare up at you as you kiss me and stroke me... and I realize with a shock we're there. I think figuring it out is a lifetime thing, but - we're _there_... we're such a _thing_ together, one can't be separated from the other... the Moriartys… when did this happen? When did it all come together?

I feel your lips and hands against my skin, and I exhale... shiver... moan...

 

_You’re shivering and moaning just from me kissing and stroking you... you’re feeling this as much as I am, of course you are, we are one..._

_I was going to tease you but I won’t, I just want to worship your body, worship it like it deserves..._

_I make my way down to your legs, kiss the spots I bit earlier, stroke the insides of your thighs so gently, making you tremble..._

_And then I move up to your balls, licking them gently, softly, with full intention... I don’t think I’ve ever done this, so it needs to be done right..._

 

 

I'm trembling as you make your way along my body... kissing... stroking... _licking_ …

I groan loudly... I know I can't move, but by the time you're done I'm afraid my sounds will bring the house down around our heads... and feeling your tongue on me now, I _don't care_ …

 

_Oh yes, nurse Rozetta is definitely going to make remarks - but if she dares knock on the door I *_ _will*_ _let you kill her._

_I lick my way up your beautiful cock, it deserves adoration, it’s fucking gorgeous..._

_And I start blowing you, with such dedication and intention, slowly, deeply, occasionally pausing the rhythm to play my tongue around your head, light flicks and spiralling licks, before going back to the full slow deep work again. I’m not striving towards orgasm - I’m striving to make this the best fucking blow job you’ve ever had._

 

 

Oh, _shit_ … your blow jobs were always fucking hot, but they were usually either functional, or teasing (torturing) while I was in restraints. This is a whole other level...

Don't move, I chant to myself... _don't move_ …

Instead I gasp and moan... and watch your fucking beautiful face...

 

_You’re looking down at me - is that alright for your neck? Yes, you’re supported by the pillow - it should be OK._

_I look up at you; it turns me on when you look at me when sucking me, so I guess you might like it too... but soon I am engrossed in the activity again, bending over you at the perfect angle, using one hand to hold you and one to stroke your balls... all the time in the world Jim..._

 

Your mouth on my cock, your hands stroking my balls... oh _god_ …

Wait, are those footsteps in the hallway... and slowing down?? Oh... we are definitely having a _conversation_ …

You heard it too, and our eyes meet.

I mouth _Dead_ at you, and you grin around my cock.

 

 

_“Totally dead,” I whisper, and dive at your cock with renewed intensity, and you moan louder and more enthusiastically, and though I know it’s for her benefit, it does turn me on, and I sit up for a moment, keeping my hand on your cock, but putting my other hand on my own, showing you how hard blowing you is making me._

 

 

Oh _fuck_ , that's hot... I'll be able to wank you off after, right? That won't hurt my neck...

I hear a creak in the hallway and before I realize it, I've growled, "Keep _fucking_ walking if you know what's good for you..."

We look at each other as the footsteps pick up again and retreat to the kitchen - then I hear the sliding doors open and close.

"Jesus Fucking Christ... how long do we have the house to ourselves?"

 

 

_“It’s our house Tiger... she may be a nurse, but she’s in our house and she’ll follow our rules. Which includes not intruding in our sex life...”_

_I bend down again, resume my efforts. “ This magnificent cock is mine and I’ll do with it what I want when I want to. Just try and stop me...” I growl against your shaft._

 

 

"It's yours..." I moan. "All yours... And I fucking love what you do to it..."

And I'm groaning as you're sucking me, and you're still taking your time and it's so amazing, but by this point I've got so worked up by you I don't think I'm going to last much longer...

"You're so hot... so fucking hot..." I chant in delirium.

 

 

_“Want to come for me Tiger?” I ask. “Come into my mouth, so hungry for you?”_

_I get to work earnestly now - my love, my Sun and Stars, give me your pleasure..._

 

 

Oh god...

"I want to..." I whisper. "Oh, I want to..."

Oh _god_ …

"I will come for you, so hard..."

Your mouth...

Your tongue...

Oh _FUCK_ …

I'm groaning gutturally now, panting hard, and somehow I keep my neck still as my hips are moving against you, as my cock is going into spasms, spurting out into your mouth....

I'm moaning deliriously, wave after wave...

"Oh, god... Jim..."

 

 

_You’re coming so beautifully, pouring your heart and soul into my mouth, groaning..._

_I swallow you up greedily, keep sucking, licking, driving you crazy, until I’m sure I’ve pulled every last drop of pleasure out of you..._

_Then I make my way back up the bed, smiling at your face - you look utterly stunned._

 

 

"Yeah... everything keeps getting hotter..." I murmur. " _God_ … I've never been blown like that in my _life_..."

I know I should be trying to keep still, but I'm pulling you into my arms and kissing your lips. "You're always amazing, but that was... next level. Where did _that_ come from, babe? And what other surprises do you have up your sleeve?" I grin, and kiss you again.

 

 

_“No sleeves, but plenty of surprises... and I didn’t give you permission to move, Tiger...” I murmur into your mouth, then kiss you sweetly... I could do this all day... I can’t believe I was with you for all those years and never explored the delights of kissing... or so many other things..._

_My cock nudges me to remind me of another thing it would like to do right now, and I move up, sit on your hips._

_“I’m going to wank myself off, Tiger, and I want you to watch...”_

 

 

My mouth drops open. Oh... what mighty god did I please to be granted such a thing...

I want to touch you so badly, but I've already been told once...

So I settle back against my pillow, watching you intently to witness what just might be the hottest thing I've ever seen, and I don't - fucking - move.

 

 

 _Your eyes bore into me, devouring the sight of me touching myself, looking so intently, indubitably adding it to the wank bank - but there will be no more wanking unless I give permission - and god that is hot... and you looking at me like I am the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, just about drooling at the sight of me, after you_ _just came_ _..._

_“Look at this, Tiger... how hard you make me... how hot, how fucking hungry for you... I can’t wait till I can fuck you again... but seeing your amazing body, covered in my marks, seeing you watch me... so hot...”_

 

 

I'm watching as you stroke yourself, and... oh god... if I hadn't just come, I would be in danger of coming on the spot.

 

And now you're _talking_ … and, _ugnh_ … I feel my cock twitch in response. Huh. That was insanely quick - but if _anything_ could make it spring back into life... it would be you putting on a show for me and fucking _pleasuring_ yourself... that beautiful cock with your own hand on it... Jesus... I would be tempted to touch myself to see how I would respond (so soon!!), but... I can't... and I really want to...

 

 

_You’re looking quite strained, and your cock is already twitching - wow - really?_

_“Hmmm... Tiger, I’ll have to do this more often for you... I could tie you down, make you watch... see how desperate I can get you...”_

_Your cock twitches even more at that... oh my gorgeous Sebastian..._

_I take pity on you - you’re a recovering invalid, after all, and too much tension can’t be good for you... I reach down with my free hand and touch your cock, making you moan..._

 

 

"Oh god..." My eyes close briefly, but I don't want to miss a second of what you're doing.

You stroke yourself, as you keep touching me... "Mmm..." My cock is semi-hard, and I'm feeling dreamy and excited as I watch you.

You're focused on me, but you're definitely feeling the effect of what you're doing, because your eyes are half-closed as you stroke yourself, and you look like a statue of a god come to life.. so overcome by his own sexuality and beauty, that he's touching himself... Your breathing is quickening, and I hear a low rumble in your throat... oh my fucking god... so - beautiful –

 

_Oh god that’s it - your cock hardening again already, ignoring all laws of physiology, the way you’re looking at me... the memory of you coming in my mouth..._

_“Tiger... I’m going to come... I’m going to spill my seed all over those whip marks I made... over my initials carved in your chest... over your astounding body...”_

_No sooner said than done... I feel myself pour out over you, spilling onto your chest..._

_“Oh god, Tiger... fuck...”_

 

 

My mouth has fallen open as I watch. Holy fuck... You seem overcome by desire as you talk, and _so am I_ , and then you're gasping and shuddering and coming onto my chest... Jesus Christ, everything you do turns me on so much… "Oh my god... Jim... " I breathe. "You're so fucking beautiful..."

I already know... the day I have permission to wank, this is _so_ going to be all I need to push me over the edge...

 

_*Fuck*_ _, that felt good..._

_I fall down onto the bed next to you. “Wow.”_

_Your arm comes down and I snuggle into it, my head on your shoulder._

_“Fuck, I love you so much...” I murmur. “So incredibly much... and it just feels stronger every day. It’s going to be too much any day now, I’ll be literally dying of love...”_

_It’s really getting nearly painful to look at you, it feels like my chest is too small for my heart, like it’ll squeeze out all my other organs in its effort to encompass all my feelings for you._

 

 

“I’m right there with you, babe...” I murmur. “Can you believe it’s only been eight days?? Since our clusterfuck of a reunion... it feels like it happened to two other people, somehow. I guess it kind of did.” I kiss your hair. “It’s amazing we survived each other, let alone got married... And everything that’s happened since... I feel so _bonded_ to you, like - we’re one being. Like we can’t be separated now - so amazing and... terrifying...” I admit. “I have no idea what comes next... it feels like one of those old-world maps of a flat earth, with nothing past the edge but sea monsters. But I think I’m not afraid of the monsters anymore... as long as I have you. Moon of my life...” I whisper, and caress your face. “I never want to be without you...”

 

_“I was thinking the same thing earlier... we truly are symbiotic now. I couldn’t be without you - ever again. Me walking out yesterday is the longest we’ve been apart - and even though I was pissed off at you, I missed you - it wasn’t right to be apart - but I knew you were coming. Not a doubt in my mind. I even told the barman that you were on your way._

_I didn’t deserve that, Tiger... I completely didn’t... but with you, it’s not a matter of deserving... you are there for me regardless of what an insane dick I’m being. I’m not going back into a guilt trip -“ I add, when I feel you tense - “but I mean - I can’t imagine you ever letting me down, even if I deserve it a thousand times over. And - I took advantage of that so much before. And I’ll try not to any more. But - can you imagine how *_ _incredibly empowering*_ _that feels, knowing that you have the strongest, fastest, most competent man you’ve ever seen looking out for you *_ _all the time*_ _, whatever happens? Let me tell you - it makes me feel incredibly happy, safe, strong, invulnerable. A bit too invulnerable - I’m so sorry - but Tiger - you are the best- friend, man, person, I’ve ever had the good fortune of meeting, and... I am so so grateful for that. For you. To you.”_

 

I exhale shakily, and wipe tears from my eyes. "Aw, babe..." I say softly, "Are you trying to make me completely fall apart? I know, it's already mid-morning and I haven't broken down and wept yet... shocking! That's unbelievably sweet of you, Jim. Thank you... all I know is this is what I do, and who I am... and there is nothing in the world that brings me more pleasure, excitement and fulfilment than doing whatever the fuck you need. Whether that's protecting you, or dealing with the Empire, or making you breakfast, or pleasuring you, or making you laugh, or holding you when you cry... even yelling at you and kicking your arse occasionally..." I grin. "Yeah, sometimes I need to deal with irrational moods... my _god_ , you can be a pain in the arse, Jim! But then, so am _I_... right? I'm already dreading what I'm going to be like the next couple of days, and I'm so sorry for anything I put you through... I'll do my best _not_ to leave you with a corpse to dispose of... and to follow instructions for my recovery without _too_ much yelling and breaking shit... but I'm going to be a total headcase if I'm stuck in bed all day. You know that, right?" I look at you, worried. You've been so amazing (yesterday's little hissy-fit aside), but you're still you, and I'm not sure how long you can remain patient with a surly, bored, psychopathic Tiger freaking out in his cage... but I guess we're about to find out.

 

_“Well, you seem to be doing perfectly well considering - I think you should be allowed to lie on the beach instead of bed and then we can have that quiet day we were going to have..._

_I’ll have a chat with nurse Rozetta to try to convince her to stop making you want to murder her._

_And if you don’t listen to me I’ll simply tie you to the bed. I’ll have no yelling and breaking shit on our quiet day.”_

_I sit up, look at your wound dressing. It doesn’t look like sand would get into it - and it’s not windy, if I set you in a beach chair surely it will be no different than you being in a bed - apart from a decreased likelihood of you wrecking the place and being a pain in the arse all day?_

_I stroke your face. “You rest from your exertions, Tiger... I’ll make us some breakfast.”_


	5. Send the Demon In

"Oh, perfect... When you go to the kitchen, can you send the demon in?" I say, giving you an innocent smile.

Concern crosses your face. "I don't mind talking to her-"

"No... leave this to me, babe. I won't do anything terrible... promise..." I grin at you, and trace an X over my heart. "You can trust me..."

You look at me searchingly, then nod and slip out the door.  
Juana appears a moment later with a winning smile. "Well _hello_ , handsome... You wanted me?"

"We haven't had the chance to talk alone yet... so I thought we could have a chat... I say in a friendly voice, and pat the bed next to me.

"No time like the present..." She looks at me knowingly, sits down and touches my arm. "How was _your_ morning, Jake? Did Jim take good care of you?"  
"On that note... I have a simple request - no more comments or taking an interest in our sex life." I smile pleasantly. "And no more flirting. I'm sure you can understand - we're on our honeymoon, and it feels intrusive. We just want to focus on each other..."

She laughs. "Did Jim tell you-"

"Don't worry about what he told me. _We're_ talking now."

"Oh honey, I'm like this with everyone. It doesn't mean anything... " she pats my leg, and her hand lingers briefly. "You'll get used to it." She winks at me.

"Nah... let's just go for detached and professionally friendly. I'll get used to that instead..."

She looks at me more seductively than before. "Jake, listen - I'm just naturally flirtatious. I'm not looking to get in between you and your husband - unless that's what you want," she laughs as if she's making a joke, but scans my face for a response.

I laugh low in my throat. "All right. Enough dancing around. Let's talk - player to player. You can come on out, sweetheart..."  
She looks into my eyes warily, and then hers grow cunning.

" _There_ you are..." I purr.

 

_I’m cooking breakfast, worried about the fate of our friendly local predatory nurse. You said you wouldn’t do anything terrible - yet you could justify that it was a clean and quick kill or something._

_You’re a good negotiator; I know that - I got used to sending you out for ones I’d have done myself before. But I know what you can be like if you’re mad - especially if you’re jealous._

_I’m not going to interrupt - let you have your talk - I trust you, of course I do..._

_Yet as the bread is being toasted I find myself pacing the kitchen - I do hope you don’t kill her. I’ve had Eduardo clean up enough for us._

 

 

Juana and I stare at each other, and I smile slowly.

"I think we understand each other. You and I know what it's like to be the most desired person in the room. What it's like to have people falling all over themselves to get a piece. What it's like to make people jump through hoops to experience the joy that's to be found in our pants. Isn't that right?"

She laughs with delight. "I can't argue with _any_ of that...oh, I could have so much fun with _you_ …"

"Here's the thing... you're a party girl looking for a party that you're _not_ invited to. So drop it..." I warn.  
"What's wrong with politely asking for an invitation to the party?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.  
"Darling... You're ignoring all the signs indicating the party’s on a one way street." I can feel a glint forming in my eye. "I don't think that's particularly _polite_."

She regards me. "You've slept with women before, I can tell... Won't you miss it? I can help you with that..."

I laugh. "I don't doubt you're good at what you do. You have an attractive package and you're fucking confident. But here's the thing..." I prop myself up on my elbow and she leans in. "The reason I know you're good is because I've slept with you already - more times than I can count. You always had a different name and a different face... and a different angle. But I stopped sleeping with you because I found something better. And I would rather have the _worst_ day with Jim than the best day with _you_."

Her eyes widen. "Oh, my. That's quite a statement, Jake..."

"How's this for a statement... We're fucking married and fucking gay. Quit shoving it down our throats. We hired you as a nurse - so be a nurse - that's _all_ you're here for."

"I'd like to be your friend..." she tries.

"You don't know me, lady... and _I_ believe you would _not_ want to be my friend..." I growl.

"Oh, I can be a _very_ good friend.. and if it's just the two of us, Jake - I'll be very discreet, sweetie..." She smiles until she sees the look in my eyes.

I sit up slowly. "Leave the room now... and the next time I see you... you don't open your mouth unless it's to say something professional. Do we understand each other?"

She looks at me long and hard, before smiling brightly and standing up. "We are crystal clear, Jacob. I'm just going to make some tea if you'd like any..."

"Jim will take care of me. Thank you... " I smile at her until she leaves the room. When the door closes, the smile fades from my face. Well, I hope you'll be proud of me, Jim... Someone offered to cheat with me in our house, on our honeymoon, and I didn't kill them for the offense. Fuming, I cue up the next episode of Game of Thrones, and wait for you to return.

 

_I hear Juana leave the room, and walk towards the kitchen._

_She’s still alive then - and uninjured by the sound of it._

_She walks into the kitchen all smiles, looks at the coffee I made - “Has the kettle boiled? Is there enough water? Oh no, I’ll fill it back up...”_

_She moves past me, brushing unnecessarily against me. Fuck’s sake. I thought you’d had a word?_

_“Jake is a bit grumpy this morning,” she smiles. Oh really? I grin internally. If he’d been grumpy, you’d not be here lady. He’s being a total saint._

_“Oh?”_

_“He’s a handful before he’s had his coffee, isn’t he? He’s a sweetie underneath... but you’re the real sweetheart, aren’t you?”_

_Good lord woman. Have you no sense of self-preservation?_

_If I’m not mistaken about you - and I rarely am - you’ll have been threatening._

_“Juana. I’m sure Jake told you what things are like with us. We are on our honeymoon, we would prefer to be alone as much as we can - you can be sure I won’t let him strain himself, I love him and will protect him even from himself. So... would it maybe work to have you come in just to change the dressing? I’ll pay for your taxi... “_

_“Why, Jim...” a hand on my wrist. “Do I make you... uncomfortable?”_

_That’s. Fucking. It._

_“Yes. You do. And this is our house. Our honeymoon. I’m Jake’s husband, and I swore to be faithful to him till death._

_Now. You wouldn’t want that to be *_ _your*_ _death, would you?”_

_I show her the real face of James Moriarty._

_Stare into her eyes as she pales, as she should._

_“You asked if I was dangerous._

_The answer is yes, very much so._

_Now. This can go two ways. One - you take a taxi to your home. You come back tonight and tomorrow and as long as you need to change Jake’s dressing. We pay you a lot of money. You go to the nearest town and seduce all the hot straight guys you want - and you have my permission to think of us when you’re shagging them. Two - you find out *_ _how*_ _dangerous I am. And don’t think it’s going to involve fun things like whips. There are plenty of nurses who *_ _don’t*_ _try to seduce my husband behind my back.”_

_She looks startled and even more frightened at that - what, did you think I couldn’t tell from the frustrated way you closed the door and the slightly guilty look on your face when I mentioned his name?_

_“So - I take it you’ll go for option one?”_

_She nods, not trusting her voice._

_“Good!” I say cheerfully, all smiles again. “Drink up your tea, I’ll call you a cab. You’ll find a professional relationship with us much more satisfying, trust me.”_

_I walk out of the kitchen, carrying our breakfast._

 

I'm glaring at the door. I'm not sure if I should tell you about this transgression by our nurse, how well are _you_ going to handle it? But I don't want to keep anything from you, especially since I don't trust the woman.

I hear muted chatting in the kitchen... it all sounds very cheery and friendly, until... it doesn't. There's something about your voice... even though you haven't raised your voice, even from down the hall, I can sense anger. And a reaction of fear. What the fuck is going on? And why aren't I a part of it?? I'm considering getting up and going to the listen at the door, when I hear your voice sound cheery again.

Interesting... a few moments later, you open the door with a breakfast tray.

"Hungry, Tiger?" you ask, setting up the tray on my lap.

"Yeah..." I say slowly. "Jim...?"

"Oh, Game of Thrones - great," you smile at me, as you settle onto the bed next to me.

"Oh my god, Jim... forget Game of Thrones, did something happen?"

 

 

_I look at you, smile, kiss you on the cheek - and as I pull my face back, it’s my killer look._

 

 

"Is there a _body_ in the kitchen?"

 

 

 _I laugh at that - killer look gone. “Noooo, I’m being a *_ _good*_ _boy! I merely informed her of the possibility. Really, if I wasn’t so loathe to complicate our honeymoon further, she would have been dead - she might still have an accident when it’s less suspicious. *_ _No one*_ _tries to seduce Sebastian Moriarty.”_

 

 

My eyes widen. "Jesus... figured that out, did you? You _are_ good. And here I was worried about how you'd react..." I sling my arm around your shoulder and kiss you. "Do you know how hard it was for me to hold back, baby? The _fucking_ gall, after everything I said... Anyone who tries to interfere with _us_ is in for a significant amount of trouble..." I growl, and kiss you hard.

 

 

_When you say – ‘how hard it was for me to hold back’ - for a moment - I think you mean from giving in to her, and my heart crumbles –_

_But of course not - god, Jim - some faith in your husband..._

_“Let’s kill her in a few weeks’ time... it’s too much hassle to do it now. I don’t want *_ _even more*_ _people coming over here to ask questions...”_

 _I nuzzle your neck. “Let me call her a taxi... she’s going *_ _home*_ _, and only coming back to change your dressing. The way you are at the moment, I think it’s more likely that something scary happens if she’s here to look after you than if she’s gone... but it’ll probably happen to her._

_Can you believe she was straight onto me in the kitchen? Honestly, you’d almost admire the fucking balls on that woman... the absolute confidence in her seductive abilities... She’s worse than you,” I wink._

 

 

A pained expression crosses your face for a moment after I speak, and I'm not sure why. My mind races - what did I say that could have hurt your feelings? But then it's gone and you're moving on, and I'm not sure if I imagined it?

 

A smile spreads across my face. "Oh, _can_ we kill her...? That would make me so happy... honestly, having to deal with _this_ bothered me a lot more than the stab wound. I just want to be alone with you in our new villa, not hiding from an obnoxious wanna-be temptress. No, I _can't_ believe she would come on to you immediately. I could not have been more clear... but I was only vaguely threatening, because I was trying to hold back. My mistake..." I look at you in shock. " _Hold back_ \- wait, did you think I meant...? From giving in to _her_??"

 

_“*_ _No*!_ _No of course not - I trust you - it’s just - language - it’s the first way the sentence parsed. I *_ _knew*_ _straightaway it was wrong... I *_ _know*_ _!_

 _But - cut me some slack - I have only just discovered feelings, alright... I mean, I thought I was jealous before - I wasn’t; just possessive. The actual *_ _ache*_ _of jealousy - that’s new, and I can’t predict it or prevent it. I *know*_ _you’d never - of *_ _course*_ _I know... but... you’re so beautiful and so passionate and... I sometimes...”_

_Oh god no don’t say it... this is not you Jim..._

_“... I just can’t believe you’d want to be with me...”_

 

 

My mouth drops open. "Babe... have you seen yourself in the mirror?? You are the most gorgeous man I've _ever_ seen, and you _know_ my past..." (Shit. Maybe avoid that topic...) "I have never been so fucking turned on by anyone in my _life_ … you're not just a hot _man_ , you are a fucking god... and I count my lucky stars every day that _you_ chose _me_ …" I gaze at you, and stroke your cheek. "Because you did, didn't you... before I even knew the decision was made... you decided my fate... who does that but a god?"

 

_“A manipulative megalomaniac?” I smile. “You’re so sweet Tiger... but I know I can and do manipulate people to do things they wouldn’t normally do... I completely and utterly broke you down, so I could make you into my tool... and I sometimes wonder... if *_ _you*_ _would have chosen *_ _me*_ _... I mean I know you wanted to shag me... but... your total devotion... your deep love... would that have happened if I hadn’t forced it?”_

 

 

"Always with the deep, searching questions, my little genius..." I press my lips to your forehead and draw you closer. "You were all I thought about for a year and a half, before we ever shagged. I became completely obsessed; I ate, slept and breathed you. I just... didn't think it was my place to come on to you, you were my _boss_ and a pretty fucking daunting one... and you know I'm not the kind of person who gives a shit about authority.

Would I have _chosen_ you? Well... I _thought_ I had - I just didn't realize you had already set your sights on me! As for love and devotion..." I stop to think, and absent-mindedly kiss your palm. "I think this is just what I'm like with the right person... I avoided love like the plague for my entire life because I was so completely fucking destroyed when - you know..." I say, pain flashing in my eyes. "I couldn't go near the potential of that much pain again - but that fucked me up completely, because I think - I'm _meant_ to be in love, to love deeply and with devotion. I feel it in my bones, in my blood, in every beat of my heart... Protection is who I am, but it's part of love for me.

So, would I have loved you and been devoted to you if you hadn't forced it?" I stare at you, and see apprehension and fear rise in your eyes. "I can't imagine a world without me being utterly, madly, helplessly in love with you, Jim - I think there were an infinite number of paths we could have taken to get here... and the one we took is just the one that didn't collapse back into pure potential. It depends on if you believe in wave function collapse or the many-worlds interpretation..."

I see you staring at me, and I grin.

"Oh... I was looking through one of your books on quantum mechanics... I guess something stuck." I chuckle at your expression. "So I guess I'm more of a wave function collapse guy... I couldn’t give a shit about the multiverse, or infinite worlds. I care about this world, where we're married and insanely in love. There were so many paths that could have brought us together, but in the end, this is the one we took. In conclusion, I believe you would have had my deep love and total devotion no matter what, little fucker. The end." I reach out and draw your face towards mine, and kiss you deeply.

 

_Your words... are so genuine, as always... and - “Yes, you’re right... you are such a loving person, you are love... all you do, it’s motivated, ultimately, by love._

_So *_ _of course*_ _you chose to be an assassin...” I chuckle. “The sweetest assassin you’ll ever meet..._

_No, ok, your violent side is not to be denied. Love and violence... in one very attractive package. And - yeah. I guess I’m shallow. I just see you - so incredibly beautiful - and myself, scrawny and unsightly, and I think - who ever would think that’s a viable combination?”_

_“Jim. You’re fucking gorgeous. Shut up.”_

_You look at me with such genuine love and admiration - and yes, I know you think I’m gorgeous, and have for five years - the beer goggles must have fallen off by now..._

_Ok then. For whatever reason, you are completely and utterly devoted to me, and I didn’t manipulate you into it... I’ll believe you, my Tiger, because even though everything inside me screams it’s not possible, all the evidence I see shows me it’s true._

_So yes. I knew emotions cloud reason - there we are then. Fuck’s sake - I’m not going to become normal and boring now, am I?_

_I look at your face... you don’t think so at least... ah no, I was a genius even as a child, when I still had feelings. I’m just going to have to be careful about them influencing my reasoning._

_I call a cab for Juana and we watch some more Game of Thrones. When the taxi arrives, she leaves the house very quietly._

_“Finally alone... God was she only here less than a day?!”_

 

 

"Oh my fucking god!" I shout.

"It felt like a _lifetime_. I am so not OK with someone else being in the house!! It's weird to think there's been a cleaning service in place this whole time, we haven't even seen them once! Are you comfortable with that?" I glance at the door. "Could you please open the door, babe? It's not so bad being in here, if we're hanging out and watching a show, but being closed in here with someone on the other side was making me feel trapped. And that really brings out my homicidal tendencies… No, my violent side definitely can't be denied..." I grin. I reach up and touch your face.

"I think someone said something about being allowed out of bed today?"

 

_“Well, I’m glad about the cleaning service, but... yes... they’ve been in our bedroom, despite instructions not to, god knows what they’ve seen... do you want to clean up your own Den, Tiger? As to going outside... hmmm why not... wait.”_  
I _run upstairs, grab a turtleneck sweater I’d packed in case of chilly nights. It’s too warm for now, but I cut off the neck, take it back downstairs._ * _With*_ _your gun. We’ll not be caught without one again. I’m sure you’ll feel better with one of those close as well._  
_“Here you go my Tiger - a nice collar..” I put the turtleneck around your neck, neatly covering the wound without putting pressure on it. “That should keep it safe from sand and whatever. Just don’t go swimming...”_

 

I touch the fabric at my neck, and the gesture reminds me of a couple of days ago - when I asked to be put on your leash again, and you whipped me and it felt like a collar had physically snapped into place around my neck. Has it only been two days?? I had meant to stay off the leash for longer... but it was the day I faced my past and my demons, and was set free... and I was so overwhelmed with love, gratitude and devotion, it had just slipped out: _own me_ …. and now you do. I may have lasted a few more days, but returning to being owned by you felt as inevitable as the tides.

It feels different now than in the past - there's love there, but also some tension and resistance. I don't know that I could have gone through the last year without bringing that back with me... and I'm still curious as to how it will rear its head. It seems largely contained, but I can feel it coiled like a snake within me. More potential for conflict with you - great. You don't exactly handle it well having your authority challenged...

I look up at you now, as I touch the turtleneck. "You were just dying to put a collar on me, weren't you," I grin. "Thank you for this! It would leave a weird tan line, so I guess I'll be staying out of the sun..."

My eyes settle on the gun you brought. "Ohhh... what do we have here..." I reach for it, and sigh with relief as I feel its weight and the cool metal in my hand. "Hello, beautiful... I really need to shoot something today, Jim..." I twirl it in my hand expertly, and place it on the bedside table.

"No, babe - I do not want to clean an entire villa myself. We should either find a new service or just remind them about not going into our room - I'm sure we're not the only house with heavy artillery, given all the cartel activity - and if Mr Álvarez hired the cleaners, they're probably solid. I do love how unobtrusive they are. Now - shall we go outside for a bit?"

 

_“Hmmm, you’re right about the cleaners... Mr Álvarez seems solid. I’ll have a word._

_You can shoot stuff, just not Juana please. I don’t want to strain the cleaners too much..._

_And as to your collar, Tiger... I prefer mine invisible but unbreakable... just like my leash...”_

_I stroke my hand around your neck, your poor beautiful neck..._

_“Trust you to be worried about a tan line,” I grin. “I thought I was supposed to be the vain one here._

_Right, let’s go outside - you need to drink plenty, so I’ll bring some water, make sure you drink at least a big bottle before lunch. And take some vitamins. I’ll also get you some oranges. And I’ll get a clean cushion for the lounge chair - one without bullet holes... and do you want a cushion for your head? Or is it better not to? I don’t want you straining your neck...”_

 

 

I chuckle at your stricken expression, and caress your cheek. "Jim... you're so sweet to worry. I have recovered from _far_ worse than this, my dark angel... and in battle conditions, no less. This is total luxury in comparison - so trust me, I'm good. A cushion for my head sounds great, and if it feels like it's straining my neck, I won't use it. OK - are we really doing this?" I swing my legs out of bed, and stand. Beaming, I reach a hand out to you. "C'mon, babe... I've missed sitting on the beach with you."

 

_I’m so glad to see you looking so much happier - more because of Juana’s absence than about you being allowed outside, I suspect... silly bitch. I briefly indulge in revenge fantasies... how fucking *_ _dare*_ _she come on to you... I’m thinking if I could maybe learn how to change the dressing, so I don’t have to have her *_ _touching*_ _you any more... but - no. Revenge is sweet but I’m not going to risk having you receive substandard care._

_I put my arm around you to support you, and you scoff at me, but let yourself be guided. I put you on a chair, then busy myself getting all the stuff - clean cushions, oranges, apples, water, I make a cup of tea just in case you want it - you roll your eyes at me fussing, but damn it Seb - you nearly got killed because I’m a jealous idiot._

_When I have all the stuff arranged and you settled as comfortably as is humanly possible, I stretch out next to you. “So - that quiet happy day then? Preferably without you getting stabbed in the neck? But - no soul searching for one entire day?”_

 

 

I'm shaking my head as you support me towards the beach. I don't feel bad, just pain and stiffness in the neck, and overall fatigue - which I didn't realize I was feeling until I started walking. But soon you're settling me in a lounge chair with cushions like a mother hen, bringing me far more than I could eat or drink - but you look guilty and worried, so you obviously need something to do for me. Then you're finally sitting in your chair next to me. I reach over and take your hand.

"Yes, quiet happy day - no injuries, no soul searching. No sex either, unfortunately. But maybe tomorrow?" I look at you hopefully, and pick up my book from the table.

 

_I sigh. It’s not ideal having to abstain from sex on your honeymoon - especially if your husband is as hot as Sebastian Moriarty... but well, our bedroom adventures tend to be of the type that would be classed as ‘strenuous’, so we’d better take it easy..._

_“If you’re a very good boy today and rest and eat all your fruits, tonight we can have a repetition of this morning... and I’ll go first...”_

 

I look up from my book, eyes widening. My mind goes blank.

“Uhh... rest and eat all fruit. I can do that...” I grin at you, and snatch up an orange and an apple. “I can be a very good boy...” especially if _that’s_ on offer... I think back to how turned on I was this morning, even though I had _just_ come. How excited am I going to get when I haven’t come yet...! Holy fuck...

“You’re not gonna let me touch myself while I watch... are you...”

 

 

_“Hmmm, let me think..._

_no.”_

_I look at your face, already so deliciously desperate. Oh, this is going to be good..._

_“Nor am I going to touch you... your cock is going to be freestanding... oh and if you do anything to displease me today - that’s going to be it. I’ll pleasure myself all over you... and then go to sleep.”_

 

"Aw, babe... you wouldn't do that to me on our honeymoon, would you." I give you my most charming smile, and you say nothing and continue to read.

"...Would you??" You give me a look, and return to your book. I mouth _fuck_ , and finish eating the orange slices left on my plate.

 

_“You will find out if you don’t behave... do you really want to risk it?” I threaten lazily. Damn, I’d had such nice ideas about our lazy day... but they’ll have to wait._

_I try to concentrate on my book - it is interesting, certainly, but memories from the past few days keep shooting through my head, and I want to raise some questions, but we weren’t going to do that today..._

_It’s hard for me to relax on command. Hell, it’s hard for me to relax full stop._

_I look at the sea - I could go for a swim, but it seems unfair when you can’t._

_Guh. How long have we been sitting here? I hope you’ve fallen asleep, so at least I don’t have to deal with a bored Tiger..._

 

 

You keep looking up from your book, looking everywhere but me. It makes it hard to focus, and my spy novel hasn't captured my attention all that much. I think I was enjoying Game of Thrones more, but after all the fuss I made about being stuck indoors, I can just imagine your reaction.

"Something on your mind, babe?"

 

 

_“Always - I can’t just switch it off... I’m not so good at this relaxing business. Especially when sex is off the table. I’m not sure what else I do to relax... my book is interesting, but... I’m not really able to concentrate._

_What do normal people do on holiday?”_

 

 

"Umm…. I think they-" I look at you and falter. "Swim and... go to sites? Like historical and cultural sites, or out in nature. And I think regular humans like to shop and eat and drink... Maybe do sporty things like go on jet-skis and shit. Does any of that interest you? Not the sporty shit, I'm guessing - anything else?"

 

_“I think the jet-skiing would be more your thing... but that’s not going to happen until you’re better. I *_ _am*_ _shopping and eating and drinking, aren’t I?_

_And sites... well... that might be an idea. You’d like that kind of stuff, wouldn’t you? You like history and shit. You could tell me all about the Teotihuacan._

_Seriously - let’s go watch some stuff when you’re recovered and we’re feeling up to facing the outside world again._

_I think that may be the issue, more than anything else... it felt so uncomfortable just to go to a bar, and to have *_ _one*_ _other person in our house... I’m not sure if I can cope with tourist crowds quite yet.”_

 

 

"You bought a bullwhip from the airport. That's not what 'shopping' generally entails. For eating and drinking, I'm pretty sure they go to nice bars and restaurants. Not to scary dive bars to start brawls... my instigating little fucker."

I lightly punch your shoulder. "Yeah, I do like history and shit. Since we're here... I wouldn't mind seeing Tulum. But only if you're up for it. And yes, it would be totally bizarre to be with a crowd of tourists, but - also kind of amusing. They would have _no_ idea who was on tour with them; we could even go in character if you wanted - you always enjoyed that for work, but we never just did it for our own sick entertainment..." I snicker at the thought.

 

_“Ex*_ _cuse*_ _me - I also bought shitloads of fairy lights, scented candles, *_ _and*_ _a villa. I’d say I’ve done quite a bit of shopping,” I retort indignantly. “And I did *_ _not*_ _start a bar brawl - not my fault the bar was full of homophobic xenophobes. Or vice versa.”_

_I consider your suggestion of going to see Tulum in character... that would make it less daunting._

_“Which characters shall we do? Liberal Germans who just met and are madly in love, and totally don’t get that anyone might have a problem with PDAs? Entitled Americans who want everything catered to them? England’s oddest couple - the Oxford scholar and the Dagenham boxer?”_

_I’m grinning - this could become fun._

 

 

I laugh out loud. Got your interest with that little game, did I...

"Oh, wow... _so_ many possibilities. If I have to listen to you speak in some redneck American accent all day, I'll be hard-pressed not to start a fight with you... or shove you down the pyramid steps. New York accents are fun, but it's too soon after Nurse Rozetta - you'd still end up with your lights punched out, or in a heap at the bottom of the pyramid. I like the English odd couple... I assume I'll be playing the boxer and you'll be making fun of my accent and background mercilessly, as you love to do?" I grin at you, enjoying how your eyes are lighting up at the thought. "I'll be Liam. And you are...?"

 

_“Alexander. Do not call me Alex. I was named after the great Macedonian himself. My dear father, bless his soul, fancied himself a bit of an Aristotle - yes Liam, I’m aware of what that means in Cockney rhyming slang, you can stop grinning._

_Now, if you could *_ _quite*_ _keep yourself from grabbing at my posterior long enough to appreciate the monumental work before us?”_

 

 

"Nah... You dragged me all this way to see this old pile o’ stones, so you're gonna make i’ worf mah while, ahn'cha love?" I start laughing at the thought of tourists reacting around us. "Oh... We _have_ to do this..."

 

_“Yes, let’s. But... quiet day for just us first. I love you Liam...”_

_I move closer to you, slide my fingers through yours, lean my head on your shoulder._

_“You should try to get some sleep my love... sleep is healing. You lost a lot of blood... I can feel your body is tired even though your mind is awake. I’ll just sit here and watch the sea and read a bit...”_

 

 

Something about your words and your soothing voice makes me realize how tired I am. I feel like I should fight it, but your fingers are stroking my hand... and your head is so cosy on my shoulder... and my eyelids are drooping. I hear myself say, "Yeah, Alexander - I love you too, mate..." before everything goes dark and all I hear are the waves, and then nothing at all.

 

 

 _Your breathing slows, and goes quiet and regular. I sit for a good while, my mind much more at ease now you are asleep and healing. I just watch the sea... trying not to think of work, or problems... it’s hard, but I manage by exploring the Fermi paradox in my head, until the soothing sounds of the waves and your steady breathing lull me to sleep too_.

 

 

The waves sing to me, and eventually I realize I've been sleeping. There was a dream... I remember going up a flight of stairs, travelling up to the top floor in an elevator... and an overall good feeling. Random bits like a keychain, and learning instructions for a game. That's it.... huh. It's been a while since I've had a dream that didn't wake me.

When I open my eyes, I look over and see you're sleeping too. I sit and watch the waves and wait for you to wake up. I think we managed to do something regular people do on holiday...

 

_There’s movement - Tiger is awake. I must take care of Tiger._

_I stretch, smile at you. “Did you sleep well? How’s your neck feeling?”_

 

"I slept great..." I move my neck, experimentally. "All right. Less stiff, actually...How did you sleep?"

 

 

_“Fine, thanks... I don’t normally take naps. But - it was nice. I’m cold now though... Do you want a coffee? Also - the sun’s moved quite a bit - wow, we were out for a good few hours...”_

 

"Don't freak out, but we just did something regular humans do on holiday... let's not to make a habit of it," I say in a mock disapproving tone. "Coffee would be great...thanks, babe..."

You kiss me and walk to the villa. I hear the sliding doors swish open and closed.

I watch the sea. I'm so happy to have the house to ourselves again... it was not good to have another human in the house, let alone such an intrusive one... I feel myself glaring at the memory, and I continue to watch the sea as I wait for you to return.

 

_I make us coffee, and we drink it, chat, look at the sea._

_Then I make us a late lunch/early dinner, ignoring your protests that you’re perfectly able to cook, with you sitting in a kitchen chair - the thought of being apart even for the time it takes to cook a meal is abhorrent._

_I’m a good cook - I’m just usually too busy to cook, but when the mood strikes me I like to push the boat out._

_We still have some leftovers in the fridge, and enough food to create a meal fit for a king - or a recovering Tiger._

_You raise your eyebrows at the heaped plate I put in front of you, but you tuck in with gusto, thank fuck._

_I watch you eat, until you stop, look at me. “What?!”_

_I realize I’ve been staring at you with a dumb grin on my face for a bit. I look away, unable to stop grinning._

_“Sorry.”_

_“Do I have something in my teeth?”_

_“No...” I look back at you. “It’s just - sometimes I just look at you, doing something innocuous, like eating, enjoying the food I prepared for you, and I just... love you so much... and I feel so fucking full of domestic bliss...”_

_god I’m sorry Tiger... I’m going all sentimental in my old age..._

_“It’s just... you are so fucking beautiful and sweet, the way you’re eating...” Good grief, what’s wrong with me? Was I hit on the head in that bar fight?_

_“Yeah, sorry about that. moriarty.exe is experiencing unexpected errors. I’m sure normal service will resume shortly. Meanwhile, please keep eating in that unbearably cute way.”_

 

 

My eyes soften. "Jim... do you have any idea how happy it makes me to see you eat, especially when you're going through a hard time? It's so... comforting..." I sigh. "I thought it was just me..." I continue attacking your meal. "And this is fucking delicious, babe... I should let you cook for me more often. You have so many hidden talents. And I'm pretty talented at shovelling it in. You can watch me eat all you like... especially since I'll get to watch _you_ later..." I pop a cherry tomato garnish in my mouth, and look at you innocently.

 

 

_“Yes you can show off your delectable mouth all you like, but you’re to lie back and think of England until you have the go-ahead. Bobbing your head up and down cannot be an approved activity for a neck that needs to rest._

_So, it’s going to be just me... having a good look at your gorgeous body... getting myself nice and hot... until I just *_ _have*_ _to touch myself... work myself to orgasm, looking at my luscious husband... lying there, not moving, because I told him not to... and then see if I’m in the mood to suck him off, or if I’ll leave that until the morning.”_

 

 

As you speak, my fork is hovering above my plate... food is forgotten.... mouth is opening... eyes are widening...

"Jim..." I whine. "Why would you want to tease me like that? What happened to being nice to the injured Tiger?" I give you my saddest puppy dog eyes.

 

 

_“Nice? Who said anything about nice? Caring, careful, responsible... sure... but nice, no, I didn’t hear that one...”_

_Aw don’t do the puppy eyes..._

_“However, if the injured Tiger behaves, I suspect I’ll be in a generous mood... I may take my time, having just come myself... go long, slow, lazy... like this morning...”_

 

 

My fork is floating above my plate again, and I suspect my eyes are looking quite glazed over as I remember this morning...

 _Holy fuck_... The thought of experiencing the wonder that is James Moriarty _touching himself_ for me... _coming_ on me...

and then possibly being denied coming, _myself_... while on my honeymoon... is too terrible to contemplate. I shove another cherry tomato in my mouth, and chew in a daze. Then I look up at you staring at me as I swallow. "Behaving here... see?" I duck my head and keep eating.

 

_“Aw Tigger don’t look so cowed... you’ve been a very good boy today. Eating your vitamins, drinking water, sleeping... if you manage to get through nurse Rozetta’s visit without killing her, you’re practically guaranteed a good time tonight...”_

 

 

I snort. "Well, now I have just the motivation I need to not commit murder... Sorry, babe - I don't do well with lying around either. But my mood is definitely better for having been able to leave the damn room..." I grin at you, mood forgotten. "Thank you for taking such good care of me..."

 

 

 _“I don’t want to know what you’d have been like stuck in bed all day... *_ _I*_ _might have had to commit murder. As it was, you’ve been a model patient.”_

_I clean up the dishes, get us both a tea, which we sip as the gate bell rings._

_“That’ll be Juana... I do assume she’ll behave after we *_ _both*_ _had a talk with her, but... she seems entirely oblivious to... well, anything...”_

 

 

I groan. " _God_... We finally got the house to ourselves and now we have to deal with _this_ again…?? I'm so _not in the mood for this_ …" I yell, covering my face with my hands. I rake my hands through my hair and look at you, exasperated, before heaving a sigh. "All right, let's get this shit over with....Show Rozetta in so I can get not-killing her out of the way..."

 

 

_That’s it - my Tiger is upset and no one upsets my Tiger. Except me, but I don’t mean to. I’m going to ask Juana to show me how to change the dressing and what to keep an eye out for - it can’t be that hard. I’ll still give her the full amount of money and she can go and shag all the pretty boys she wants far far from the Guarida del Tigre._

_Though good luck finding one as sexy as said Tigre. But that’s her problem._

_I beep her in. The taxi is sitting by the side of the road, waiting for her - good, then she doesn’t intend to linger._

 

 

You go to the door to let her in. I continue to sip tea, glowering into my cup. At least I'm out in the open... I'll feel way less cagey than in the guest room, and less prone to violence. Besides, you told me not to... and I am _not_ going to risk being denied an epic blow job from you, after watching my own private show. No matter how satisfying it would be to kill the silly bitch who tried to come between us...

 _Do not kill,_ I whisper to myself, as I hear approaching footsteps.

 

_She greets me with an entirely professional smile and a simple “Good evening Jim." Good._

_I lead her to the kitchen, where you do your best not to glower as you see her. "He's been very good today - had a long nap, drank lots of water, ate well. We went outside, but that's why I put the turtleneck on him, to keep the wound safe from sand."_

_She nods, takes off the neck, undoes the dressing. I look carefully to see what she does, taking mental notes._

 

I feign fascination with my book for a few minutes while she works under your careful observation. "Oh, man... this story is getting so good," I say with mock excitement. "The villain just found out one of their servants is actually an undercover agent selling their information to the highest bidder... and, spoiler alert, the agent dies horrifically."

I turn and give her the briefest smile before grinning at you fiercely. "You should totally read this when I'm done, babe... it's a feel-good romp set in the Second World War... but the message is timeless."

 

_I scowl at your words. Very subtle, my love... I don’t think she’s dodgy, just annoying._

_“So, Juana... this doesn’t look very difficult. Do you think I could do it? I have *_ _some*_ _medical experience. We’ll still pay you the full amount - but it seems unnecessary to have you keep coming all the way over here for something that I could do. If you tell me what to watch out for, I’ll be straight on the phone to you or the doctor if anything looks wrong.”_

_She looks at me suspiciously, then assessingly. “Alright Jim,” she says, pointing at the dressing she’s just put on, “you take it off, clean the wound, and dress it, and I’ll say if you’re doing it correctly.”_

_For all her faults, she does seem to take her medical duties seriously - good. I carefully remove the bandage and get to work washing the wound._

 

 

I feel myself relaxing as you take over. I continue reading my book, and making snide comments. "Oh! That's gonna stiiing..." I chuckle and avoid your eyes, because I will not be able to keep from laughing my arse off. Nurse Rozetta is tossing her hair and ignoring my running commentary.

Suddenly a feeling sweeps through me, and my breath catches in my throat. I put my book down... listen intently.... and my hand touches the gun tucked into the waistband of my trousers.

 

_Your breath hitches - shit, did I hurt you?!_

_But then you look like you’re listening... your hand goes to your gun..._

_Fuck - danger? I look at you - your face is all concentration. I try to listen for what you may have heard, but then Juana starts blabbing - “No Jim, you must not let the-“_

_I look daggers at her and gesture at her to be quiet-_

 

I stand up, and I'm moving across the kitchen towards the noise.

"Go upstairs, grab a gun," I whisper, and then there are three furious-looking men walking into the kitchen pointing semi-automatics at us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Play list:
> 
> You're in My Heart - Rod Stewart  
> Nurse Rozetta - Alice Cooper  
> I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters  
> A Single Wish - This Mortal Coil  
> Married Man - Neil Young


	6. Failure Is Not a Motherfucking Option

_Too late to grab a gun - shit - I know what I *_ _should*_ _do - duck for cover and let my bodyguard take care of the attackers - but my bodyguard is *_ _you*_ _\- and I can’t duck for cover and leave you alone with the danger –_

_“Señores,” I say. “What an unexpected pleasure. Pray tell, to what do we owe the honour?”_

_How did they get in? How the fuck did they get inside without anyone noticing?!_

_I picture the gate left unlocked after Juana entered... open windows in the spare bedroom... shit shit shit, got too comfortable... too trusting in Eduardo’s grip on the area... Jim, you fucking idiot..._

 

I'm pointing my gun back at them, but _fuck_ , I am outnumbered... not the first time, and it won't be the last; I just have to stay cool and let instinct take over... Don't overthink it, soldier…

"The honour is all ours - we're happy to send you to your graves, _pinche gringo culero_..." shouts the shortest man, looking livid.

"I think you're in the wrong house, Señor..." I say, feigning confusion.  
"I'm the brother of one of the men you _killed_ yesterday... and he deserved better than being shot down by a marica and his fucking boyfriend!" he says, shaking with rage.

"Wait!" I say urgently. "Which of us is the marica and which is the boyfriend?" I ask.

Things are ramping up _fast_ , and I need to throw them off their game by not giving them what they're expecting.... Now they're looking at each other in confusion and disgust, and the killing fury is momentarily suspended.

I seize the moment and look at you, signalling with my eyes for you to hide behind the kitchen island when things go down. You seem resistant, and you're focusing on the knife block instead. What the _fuck_ , Jim... they have semi-automatic weapons!  
"What?" the taller man demands. "You're _both_ maricas, _pinche idiota_ …"

"See, Juana? Even these gentlemen see it, and they've only been here for a minute!" I snap at her.

"Oh my god! Seriously?!" Juana yells back.  
"What the fuck, man? Who's _she_?" the second man demands.

"Isn't she with _you_?" I ask triumphantly. "Your plan to steal the coke didn't work!"

Now they're looking _good_ and confused... and two sets of eyes are gleaming at the thought that there could be some money in this for them. My finger slowly begins to pull back the trigger.

 

_Yeah yeah, only a fool brings a knife to a gunfight... but you’re distracting them and maybe I can get one while you get the other two..._

_Logic is screaming at me to *_ _hide*_ _, that you have more chance of succeeding if I’m not distracting you, but for fuck’s sake, I can’t let you deal with three men on your own!_

You let him deal with many more on his own! He can do this!

_He’s hurt!!!_

Jim you’re in his way!

_He’s not on top of his game!_

Jim!!! Fuck’s sake! You’re distracting him - you’re endangering him!

_Nooooo...._

_I nearly audibly moan, but you’re right - you’ll deal with them better if you don’t have to try to push me out of the way too - I move to the kitchen block, scowling._

_Juana is still standing in the middle of the kitchen, stupid cow. Damn, do something useful, woman - seduce *_ _these*_ _guys - or duck out of the way; shit’s going to go down any moment..._

 

 

You're inching away, as instructed. Thank fuck.

"Well, we didn't hide it _here_...” I say, sounding shaky. "So you're out of fucking luck!"

"Where is it?" the tall one demands.

"What are you doing?" the shorter one shouts at him. "We're not here to steal drugs."

He scoffs. "Yeah, but if it’s here, we're taking it !" He points at the gun at Juana, who's started moving slowly towards the sliding door. "Eh, _puta_ \- Where do you think you're going?" he laughs loudly. "Where's the white stuff?"

"Don't tell him!" I snarl at her.

"WHAT! I have no idea about any drugs! I'm a nurse! Just let me leave!"  
"Yeah, yeah - nice cover, lady. I didn't buy it in the first place..." I growl. "Don't you say a _goddamn_ word about where it is, or I'll shoot you myself!!"

The man is moving towards her now steadily. "Ok, _nena_ … why don't we take a little walk away from this _pendejo_ , and you show me where it is ... and then you can go."

"Jose, what do you think you're doing? Get the fuck back here!" the short man shouts at him, gesturing at him with his gun.

I shoot the short, loud one and dive behind the island.

 

_Right - first man down. Well done Seb. You look at me, communicating to stay down without words or gestures - just a look. Yes I know my love... but you should stay down too and you can't because there are two other guys there who'll want to shoot us, and fuck it, this used to be much more fun before I started *_ _caring*_ _._

_The guys are shouting through each other in quick accented Spanish and I struggle to follow - there's stuff about coke, about Ricardo, who I believe is the guy who's just been shot, who was the brother of the guy we shot yesterday - good, they're reunited. Hope they're happy._

_Time's slowed down - what can I *_ _do*_ _\- I can't *_ _do*_ _anything, and it's not fun to wait for you to do something, because the infinite confidence I used to have in your abilities as well as the nonchalance I used to feel about our safety have been severely dented by the past few days and I just want to hold you and cover you and keep you safe, which is the dumbest thing I could do, so I just sit here and make myself small and flat against the kitchen island and curse my improvidence in not having a fucking gun at my side - after I just went and killed seven men whose relatives can easily find out where we live?! What the fuck is wrong with me?!? What happened to my allegedly genius brain? Muddled to mush by emotions. If you die, it's on me._

 

 

"One down, two to go..." I say calmly, from my hiding spot.

Silence.  
"Or you could both just go and cut your losses..." I suggest. I look over and see you on the other side of the island, looking like you're about to freak out. Juana is cowering in the corner.

"Hey - you just _killed_ our associate, and we got bigger guns than you. We're not going anywhere... now tell us where the coke is and we'll make it quick and painless."  
I think for a moment, meet your panicked eyes. "Upstairs. I'll have to show you, the safe is complicated." You shake your head _no_.

There's a pause, whispering. "All right. You show me. Slide your gun out first, then come out."

I smile at you, beaming all the love in my heart. "I got this, baby," I whisper.

 

_Your eyes look at me with such love, and that is *_ _not*_ _helping, Seb, I now want to pounce on top of you and keep you safe forever and ever even more, but I can't..._

 _fuck... I am supposed to keep you *_ _safe*_ _, I am *_ _responsible*_ _for you, and I've never done such a *_ _shit*_ _job of it as since I started loving you..._

_I look into your eyes, that unique blue, the pupils wide with the adrenaline rush, oh god Sebastian, you are at your sexiest when you're in your killer mode, but there are two guys with Glocks out there and they know exactly where you are and oh my god you're going to die and it's my fault..._

_What can I do Seb? I try to communicate with my eyes. You communicate it's all fine... Damn it Sebastian._

_Wait - there is a big earthenware jug with cutlery on the shelf in front of me. I take it and nod at you, then hurl it across the kitchen to the wall opposite where you are hiding, where it shatters with an almighty clatter._

 

I'm moving before the jug even hits the wall.

I take several shots, and hit both men. One of them starts shooting haphazardly, and I dive back down. I hear two thumps on the floor; look over and see one of them is Juana. I can't help it - I laugh.  
But one of them is still alive - wounded, but still standing...

I look over at you again and wink before I make my move.

 

 

_Some shots from you - shots from one of them, but you're already back down - two thumps - one of them, dead or unconscious, and Juana - not dead but too shocked to scream._

_You laugh and wink - god you're loving this, aren't you Tiger? I would too, if I weren't so fucking worried - I really need to get my fucking security-consciousness up again. I've been incredibly negligent, spoilt by wedded bliss, lured into a false sense of... normalcy? We'll never be normal men, Sebastian, and I should stop imagining we could be - or would want to be. Look at you, all gleaming-eyed and feral-grinned... you damn adrenaline junkie..._

 

 

"And then there was one..." I call out as I quietly open up a drawer of the kitchen island. "You can still leave, man... if you want to see another sunset..." I peer in to see what I can throw.

" _FUCK_ you, _culero_ ," the remaining man shouts - the tall one who wanted our non-existent drugs.

"Not that kind of guy?" I carefully pull out a large glass pitcher and look over you. "Sangria at sunset tonight, babe?"

 

_I nod at you - go on Tiger, make me proud. *_ _Fuck*_ _, I love you. You better not let yourself get hurt, because I'm going to jump you when this is over._

 

 

I toss the pitcher up lightly, test the weight, pinpoint where the laboured breathing is coming from.... "Then we're going to need red wine, orange juice... we already have fruit..." I hurl the pitcher and hear a loud thump and a curse, and I'm peeking over the island just enough to shoot the man between the eyes. He already started shooting, and I dive back down - where I hear the third thump of a body hitting the floor, and it's the sweetest sound I've heard in a long time (present company excluded, of course).  
"...and lots of rum, because I'm going to be in the mood to party..." I say, picking up another heavy pitcher and handing it to you. "Is that OK, nurse? Can I drink sangria while I'm recovering?" Silence - Juana must have passed out or gone into shock. "Sounds like a yes to me, babe… better get started...."

I motion to you to stay down, and I peek out from the island to peruse the scene. The first guy I shot in the head - he's done. The second guy... shot in the chest, lying and bleeding on the floor - most likely dead or dying, but best be safe. Third guy - between the eyes and looking pretty dead. I sneak around the island in a crouch, and shoot the second guy repeatedly. Nothing, not even a twitch. Gun at the ready, I move closer to check them all to my satisfaction.

 

 

 _You *_ _fucking*_ _show-off. God, I love you. I put the pitcher down - you’re going to get all the sangria and rum you want, you bloody hero. After I’ve had a chat with Eduardo about the likelihood of this happening again and how sad I would be if it did. I’m going to leave_ _him_ _crying by the end of the phone call. Bloody idiot, assuring me everything is alright. Complacent - like me._

_You give me the all clear and I’m out of my crouch and in your arms - “Sebastian Moriarty, you utter total complete legend.” I cover you with kisses, mumbling things like “I’m so sorry I’m so fucking sorry; I got lax, I should have checked those guys out, should have kept the house safer, oh god Seb, you’re amazing you know that?! Wow, that was - Tiger in optima forma again, what a show. How is your neck?”_

_I pull myself away long enough to look at your wound, which I had been about to dress - it looks fine, no stitches torn._

_“Are you alright? How do you feel?”_

 

I wrap my arms around you, laughing. "Flying high, babe... who needs painkillers when you can just shoot people?" I kiss your lips. "And my neck feels fine, Kitten. It really wasn't troubling me much to begin with... I mostly felt shitty about being bedridden, and... feeling like I'd let you down," I admit. "But something just clicked back into place today, and I felt like my old self again. Nobody fucking threatens you and gets away with it, especially in our _home_..." I glare at the bodies. "If I could kill them _more_ for you, I _would_ , baby..."

 

 

_“You were sensational, Tiger,” I say, kissing you again._

_You head into the hallway, do a short sweep to make sure the guys didn’t have any friends still lurking, walk back in, all aswagger._

_Damn, nothing is hotter than you in full swing - elegance, grace, ruthless efficiency, precision..._

_I’m just about to jump you when I hear a moan from the floor - oh, looks like our nurse woke up._

_She’s blinking, tries to sit up, half succeeds, looks around, going wide-eyed as she sees the three dead guys, looks up at us._

_“You’re a bit late sunshine - I’m afraid they are beyond medical attention.”_

_She has a wound in her shoulder that’s bleeding, but doesn’t look too badly hurt._

_“Well, looks like there’s someone you could kill more, my love. Would you like to explain to Juana what happens to people who suggest my husband cheat on me?”_

 

 

I grin at you. "Aww, babe... why don't you take this. The bar was a total blur, and I haven't seen my murderous love for a year... other than with Brett, but I was a bit distracted that night..." I look at you intently.

"Be Moriarty..." I hear myself whisper, and my heart starts to thud.

 

 

 _I'm about to object - I owe you, and you've had your eye on killing Juana for a day now - but then you're looking at me and ask me to be Moriarty, and... oh. Oh, is *_ _that*_ _what you desire? Alright Tiger..._

_I squat down next to Juana, who is looking at me wild-eyed now._

_"Aw, look Tiger... she's already nearly catatonic... I'll have to be nice..." I move a strand of her hair behind her ear. "So, Juana... would you like to tell me what you told Sebastian this morning, when you still thought he was called Jake?"_

_She's still looking at me wide-eyed, not speaking. I sigh. "Juana, you haven't lost the power of speech. You were so eloquent to Sebbie earlier..." I press my finger into the bullet wound, making her scream._

_"See, nothing wrong with your vocal cords. Now, can you talk for me?"_

_"P-please... Jim... I'm sorry..."_

_"No, honey... Sorry should have been said this morning, when you came to see me in the kitchen, after trying to convince my husband to cheat on me. I_ _might_ _have forgiven you - after all, he is irresistible..."_

_I look at you lovingly. "Ah no, who am I kidding - I'm not a forgiving man..._

_But instead you thought to have a go with *_ _me*_ _. Now, you asked me yesterday if I was dangerous... and this morning I told you I was... but I don't think you know quite *_ _how*_ _dangerous."_

_I use a plastic bag to pick up the gun from one of the guys, aim it at her._

_"You're going to be shot - tragic accident, collateral damage."_

_She starts crying. "Jim, please..."_

_"Oh please don't keep repeating yourself..." I say in irritation._

 

I watch transfixed as I see you appear... as though emerging through curtains of thick red velvet. _There he is_...

I've been so terrified of him reappearing, but I actually asked for it... craved it on some level... my heart is pounding now, as I watch him - you - completely entranced.

I'm pacing behind you, quietly, restlessly...

"Oh... _Jim_..." I breathe.

Showtime...

 

_"Patience, Tiger... If she'd apologized this morning, I might have just shot her... but as it is, after her persistent efforts to damage our marriage, she needs to suffer a bit, don't you agree?"_

_She starts to cry louder, moaning "No Jim, please... I'm sorry... please..."_

_I push on her shoulder again, making her cry out. "I *_ _did*_ _ask not to be repetitive... I get bored easily when people are repetitive, and I get nasty when I'm bored..."_

_It's a shame I don't know how good the pathologists are here, or how much influence Eduardo has. I can't risk creating suspicious injuries._

_I'll have to find out, if we're going to stay here for a bit._

_"Now, Juana, I asked you a question... what did you tell Sebastian this morning?"_

_She sobs hysterically. This is really getting tedious. I put my finger in the bullet hole, push the bullet further inside. She screams again, tries to move away, but only succeeds in falling over. "NO!! No I'm sorry... I asked him..." she cries, "I asked him... I just wanted to have a good time..." I move my hand towards her shoulder again, and she cries out "NOOO - cheat... Cheat! I asked him to cheat on you... I am so sorry..." She sobs loudly._

_"See Juana, *_ _no one*_ _cheats Jim Moriarty. You were going to die anyway... it's just come a bit sooner than expected. So what I'm going to do, is shoot you in the stomach... you're a nurse, you know what that's going to be like, isn't it? A slow and painful death..."_

_She goes into complete hysterics - "No, Jim, please! Please... I'll give you anything... I have money... please..."_

_I step back, aim the gun, shoot her through the head, put the gun back where it had been lying, half in the dead guy's hand._

 

I watch in a daze. Somehow... seeing you here, not just in my memories or my dreams, bridges a gap between then and now, past and present... my formerly cruel, tormenting Boss is now my adoring husband, my beloved, my best friend...

 _this happened_. It’s _real_ , and I’m not gonna wake up from it.

The gunshot makes me jump, and I stare at you looking down at our former nurse. I watch as you position the gun, and throw out the plastic bag. Then you turn to me. “Was it good for you, Tiger?” you ask, seductively bored as only you can be. But I see a flash of apprehension in your eyes. I walk towards you with determination, grab your face and pull you into a hungry kiss. I look down at you, eyes blazing. "Epic..." I say in a low voice, and kiss you fiercely.

 

_We should phone the emergency services... but I'm sure there's time for a small breakdown beforehand... 'I'm sorry sir, my husband was in hysterics, and they were all dead anyway... poor Juana...'_

_We'd better not jump each other *_ _right here*_ _though - I'm sure the hysterical husband can have a little lie-down in the bedroom._

_We'll have bloody footprints - I turn round, lean on you, pull you with me through the door of the kitchen to the spare bedroom, where I kick off my shoes and jump onto the bed._

_"Here, Tiger..."_

 

 

I step onto the bed and look down at you. "Right here?" I ask, pulling off my clothes and throwing them on the floor. Then I lower myself to the bed, push you down and crawl over you. My hands on either side of your head, I stare down at you, smouldering.

"You are so fucking hot," I growl, and claim your lips with mine.

 

 

_“Be careful of your neck,” I manage to interject, before our lips are locked together._

_My clothes go quickly, and we are intertwined, merging, hands all over bodies, legs woven together, the smell of blood and the rush of adrenaline driving us into a frenzy that is both familiar and new - we’ve had so many of these, barely managing to get in the door before we dragged each other’s clothes off, but with this new thing called love... it’s even more exhilarating - I’m so incredibly in love with you - I always was desirous of you at times like this, but I am in such fucking awe of you at the moment - almost a blushing maiden swooning in the arms of her knight in shining armour._

_Seeing you in full glory, dripping with competence and lethality, is practically reducing me to a gooey-eyed hero-worshipping puppy, if said puppy were exceedingly randy..._

_I try to be really really careful of your neck but mostly I’m blind with desire._

 

 

Our kissing grows more and more frenzied, and soon we're writhing against each other. This is so not a time for gentleness... I need to be inside you _now_. I try to move out from your embrace to reach for lube on the nightstand but you resist, clinging to me and kissing the unwounded side of my neck. So I wrap an arm around you and haul you with me as I move to the side, and then press you firmly into the mattress. I continue to devour your lips as my hand feels around for the small tube, and knocks everything else off the nightstand. When I unscrew the cap, it goes flying and bounces across the floor. "Jim... you get me so bloody hot..." I groan, and proceed to slather lube all over my fingers and your cock. You let out a moan as I push my fingers inside you and start to work you in. "I fucking want you..." I growl as I look at you hungrily, "And you're fucking _mine_..."

 

_God, nothing's as hot as a predatory Tiger - all growls and strong muscles, devouring mouth and demanding hands. I yield easily - there's little reasoning with you after a kill, you're out for blood or orgasm, and I'd have to come down on you really hard to make you submit to me. And I don't want to - at all. I want to be taken by my blond-haired blue-eyed strong warrior, swept away in ecstasy by my Prince Charming. I push myself onto your fingers, kiss your neck, moan into your ear - "Yours... I'm yours, Tiger... all of me..."_

 

 

I feel submission move through you and it's _so fucking hot_. Especially having seen you become Moriarty, after I _asked_ for it, and then watched you _kill_ for me... the embodiment of seductive cruelty is lying underneath me, telling me he's _mine_... only his cruelty is no longer directed towards me, except with mindfuck-sex-games, and _fuck_ , you get me so turned on and turned inside out, and _IWantYouIWantYou_... I'm removing my fingers, and positioning myself at your entrance, and god, the desire in your eyes nearly has me in flames. I push my way into you, feeling your body yield to mine, and I groan like I'm fucking dying.

 

_"Yes... *_ _fuck*_ _me... I want you inside me, you killer, lethal, heroic Tiger... You saved me, now claim your prize..."_

_God, a bit less with the Disney princess, Moriarty... oh fuck it. I have a thing for big bad soldiers and I got the hottest one right here inside me ready to fuck me to oblivion, groaning with rapture at my body, you probably don't hear half I say..._

_I grasp my nails into your back, pull you deeper, come Tiger, all of you, all of you inside me, into me... I moan at the stretch, breathe through it, it's good, it's so fucking good..._

 

 

 _God_ , your _words_ set me on fire even more than your body, and now I'm inside you, and you're looking up at me with those huge black eyes, and you're digging into my back with your nails, and pulling me further in, melting my brain, and I can barely contain myself.... "Baby, you feel so good, you're so fucking beautiful... I want to claim my prize, I want to eat you _alive_ , Kitten-" I secure your head firmly, fasten my lips and teeth to your neck, and thrust into you hard. "Oh _fuck_ , Jim-"

 

 

_I moan at your bite, your thrusting inside me - you're so insanely hot... I lose myself in the sensation, let myself be swept away, be possessed... my consciousness diffuses, my body relaxes into sensation - the stillness in my mind now the adrenaline rush is over, but the hyperalertness remains; the teeth and suction at my neck, just painful enough to be really good; your cock inside me, reaching deeper, deeper… you fill me up completely, and my legs fold around your back, my heels digging in, holding you as close as possible, encouraging to go deeper if you can, because I want all of you, I want you to take me, consume me..._

_"You're fucking amazing Tiger... my Tiger... fuck, you feel incredible... eat me up, fuck me raw... my Sebastian..."_

 

 

"I'm going to devour you, I'm going to fuck you raw..." I whisper into the sensitive spot on your neck that I've been gouging with my teeth. I pull back to look at you. "I missed it, Jim - your violent side. Your dark side. I need all of you, I'm claiming _all of you_..." I hold your face in my hand, and I glower. "I'm taking it all..." And I kiss you hard, and fuck you faster and deeper.

 

 

_"You have all of me, Tiger..." I pant. God, your face... possessive, determined... so tempting to surrender to it... and I can, I finally can, like I couldn't all those years - my body yielded, but my mind would remain in charge, enjoying the fuck, certainly, but - owning the fuck, as it were, letting you have your moment, but never relinquishing control. Now I can do just that - give all control of both our bodies over to you, knowing it's going to be amazing, and knowing I can fully trust you - I never realized the freedom that comes with complete trust. The total relaxation - I'm in your hands, and they're the best hands in the world, and I can let myself be held and handled, knowing you would never ever damage me._

_I sigh and close my eyes, rest my head back, as I give myself over to you, my love, my husband, my soldier..._

 

I hold your jaw and neck in one hand, and grasp your hip with the other. My aggressive fucking is making you gasp with pleasure and desire.

You're truly giving over to my control, my strength, and it's a rush unlike any I've ever known... even killing people like a badass can't compare to this. You're _James Fucking Moriarty_... surrendering control to your second in command, your sniper, your assassin... only I'm more than that now... so much more than I could have _ever_ imagined... and you're _mine_ … and I want to make you dissolve into pleasure...  
My hand slowly moves down from your hip to your cock, and begins to stroke.

 

 

 _Ohhhh fuckkkk... oh god I'd completely forgotten about my cock - see how crazy you make me Sebastian? Your hand on my neck holds me down - it's ok, just do whatever you do, I'll lie here and soak it all up, because it's *_ _all*_ _magnificent._

_I groan in pleasure and your cock swells even more, your movements get more frantic - go Seb, take all you want, claim me, all of me, it's yours... In Wookie culture, if you save a life, you own it from then on - you've saved my life so many times, the least I owe you is a spectacular fuck..._

 

 

"Come for me..." I groan, stroking while I thrust hard into you. "I'm so close... come for me..."

 

 

_Your voice, hoarse with lust and pleasure... it vibrates straight through my body... your eyes, dark and deep... your face; you're so close to a sensational orgasm... your hand is trembling on my cock and your other hand is still pressing on my neck, your cock is pounding away inside me and you are just the most incredible whole who is so much more than the sum of the parts and if you want me to come for you I will... I will come for you, my love, my Tiger, my hero, my killer..._

_"God yes... god yes, Tiger... god you are magnificent..." I feel my climax rising and when it explodes it is grandiose - I groan, dig my nails into your back - I think I'm drawing blood..._

 

 

There is nothing hotter than you groaning and shuddering against me, and Kitten's claws in my back feel _amazing_ , and I'm moving so hard and deep in you, and I'm grunting into your neck, god could I be more of an animal, I'll have to do something for you with more finesse later, but right now I'm so close, I'm so close, and I'm roaring as I come hard in you, my body going into violent spasms against you. I'm collapsing against you, I can't even hold myself off the Kitten like I normally do...

"Oh God... I love you, Jim..." I pant, trying to lift myself off you, and failing. "I love you..."

 

 

_It's magnificent to hear the Tiger roar... and feel your body shudder as you live through what really does look like a magnificent orgasm. Well done Jim - the things you can accomplish by just lying back and not actually doing anything. You should try it more often._

_It must have been earthshattering - you let yourself collapse on top of me, and you never do that if you can help it... and pant you love me... and I pant I love you, but then you're trying to lift yourself off me and not succeeding and - wait - fuck, you're not supposed to exert yourself –_

_"Tiger," I ask, suddenly worried to hell - "Seb!? Are you ok?"_

 

 

"Huh?" I grin at you. "I'm fucking great, baby - why?" Looking at your worried face, realization dawns on me what you could be so stressed out about. "Oh - my neck feels all right. I'm just tired. Hold on..." I pull myself out of you, groaning, and manage to get up to a sitting position. "Damn... that was comfy..." I tilt my head to give you access to my neck. "It's fine but I know you wanna check, Kitten.... go on..."

 

 

_I sit up to check your neck - thank fuck it looks fine, no stitches torn, no bleeding, nothing worse than before._

_"I didn't dress it - damn irresponsible bunch of idiots we are," I complain, "having you go killing and fucking without a proper bandage, killing our nurse... Honestly, Tiger..." I start giggling._

 

 

"Me?" I demand. "You killed the nurse, you monster..." I laugh as I watch you giggling, and it's so fucking adorable. "My beautiful psychopath... come here..."

I gather you in my arms, ignoring your protests. "We'll get a bandage in a moment. If a killing spree and an epic fuck didn't tear my stitches, I don't think a cuddle will be _too_ dangerous..." I kiss your forehead and look into your eyes. "I fucking love you, Jim..."

 

 

 _"Monster? Ex*_ _cuse*_ _me? This wretched excuse for a human being tried to intrude upon the sanctity of our marriage. Remember whom we have joined together, let no man put asunder? Well, that goes for women too. Fucking bitch - she must have never been turned down by a man in her life; she just couldn't believe that such a thing was possible. But - she was worse than Brett. That idiot didn't know you were mine - she *_ _did*_ _." I shake my head at the unbelievable audacity._

_"I love you too, Tiger... You were magnificent out there... All grace, speed, lethality, agility... wow. I'm still all gooey-eyed..." I flutter my eyelashes at you. "My brave big hero..."_

_Reluctantly, I pull back, hand you your phone. "You better get dressed and call the police... these guys broke in, shouted at us in Spanish... we don't know what they wanted, our Spanish is not so good... you got your gun out to protect us, they started shooting, you managed to get them all, but not before they shot our poor nurse, who wasn't able to duck for cover."_

 

 

I sigh. "Ugh... all right, let's deal with this. From what I know of police here, they're super-corrupt and _really_ fancy bribes - they may just come right out and ask for money. So we have that in our favour... we're just two scared, clueless tourists who want the nightmare to be over, no matter what the cost."

I get up, collecting my clothes from the floor. "You want to call your guy, too? Let him know what went down, and that we'd _really appreciate_ no more fucking incidents while we're here?" I look back at you. "Oh, Jim... you look like you were attacked by a vampire. Sorry, baby - I got a little carried away..." I grin. "You should probably put on a scarf before the _policia_ arrive..."

I head towards the bathroom to rinse off. "And yes, I remember _well_ 'whom we have joined together, let no man pull asunder'... And no manipulative bitch either. I was on my last nerve with her fucking games, thank you for doing that for me. And Jim... it was so fucking romantic..."

I smile at you before disappearing into the bathroom.

 

_I smile at your words - trust you to find me torturing a nurse romantic... you beautiful psycho killer..._

_I follow you into the bathroom, remind you not to have a full fucking shower - until we know quite *_ _how*_ _corrupt the police here are, we should keep *_ _some*_ _pretence up of being distressed enough by four dead bodies in our house to not go and have a leisurely shower before calling the authorities - rinse myself off, and dress your wound._

_Then I pick up my phone and call Eduardo whilst you make a convincingly upset call to the emergency services._

_He is all apologies - the guys we killed were all lowlifes living on the edge, he'd never expected any of their families to actually be very shocked at their deaths - "No you see Eduardo, you hadn't *_ _expected*_ _, but you didn't *_ _make sure*_ _. You left me to be assassinated in my own house - on *_ _your*_ _territory. Can you imagine how *_ _incredibly*_ _sad you would be if I'd been actually killed when you assured me I was under *_ _your*_ _protection? I *_ _trusted*_ _you, Eduardo..._

_Yes, I'm terribly sorry as well..._

_Right, my husband is on the phone to the police right now, I expect *_ _no trouble*_ _from them, and no more disgruntled relatives..._

_yes... yes that sounds like a good idea. I'm relying on you, Eduardo..._

_yes... yes we will, once we have got over the shock of nearly being murdered in our house..._

_Indeed. You'd better... Remember el mártir..._

_Right... I leave this in your hands, Eduardo, and I will have no more trouble on my honeymoon, OK? Gracias... Chao..."_

_I walk into the kitchen. "Eduardo is *_ _terribly*_ _sorry and can't wait to make it up to us with a lavish dinner, which I said we'd have once we're over this terrible shock. The angry brother had a sister - she's going to die, as are the closest relatives of his two aides. Hopefully that should put a stop to all this familial loyalty."_

_I kiss your cheek. "How did your phone call go?"_

 

 

"Fine... they didn't sound particularly concerned or shocked - actual tourists would probably find that distressing. They're sending a couple of officers over, and they should be here in a little while." I look around the kitchen. "What a mess. We broke a perfectly good pitcher! Thank god we still have one for sangria tonight - or this really would have been a disaster."

I stare out at the beach through the sliding doors. "I wish we could wait on the beach, but I guess that wouldn't seem like we were distressed enough. Regular people are so sensitive..."

 

 

_"Mmm..." I acknowledge - "but you know how sensitive irregular people get in the right circumstances..." I rub my cheek against your shoulder. "The thought that something might happen to you, due to my negligence... fucking hell, Tiger..."_

 

 

I hold my hand against your cheek and look at you seriously. "Oh... you don't get to blame yourself for that. I'm _your_ security. So _I_ was the negligent one... I've had my head so far up my arse for so long, not caring about my own wellbeing... and then dealing with my wounds and your wounds took so much out of me, I didn't stop to think... I thought we were safe here because no one knew you were alive, and no one knew where I was... but that's no excuse if something were to happen..." I place my other hand against your cheek. "Because I couldn't bear the slightest thing happening to you... It's not a fucking option. So we're back to being super-vigilant and careful... no matter what. Agreed?"

 

 

 _"Agreed," I say, before arguing: "Look Tiger, I'm supposed to be the brain around here. You're the beauty and the brawn. And I've been so incredibly stupid, these past few days... just so full of... everything that was happening... it was like we were in a bubble, and we had plenty of stuff to deal with in that bubble, don't get me wrong, but - it was just you and me, and our demons. And then I broke the bubble by going into town - when we were completely unprepared to face the outside world. And I took *_ _way*_ _too many risks... and then just went back home and expected no trouble to follow us... God, Tiger, I was *_ _very*_ _negligent. Thank fuck we had that scare the other night with Juana, so I thought about at least bringing a fucking *_ _gun*_ _down - imagine if they'd have shown up and you'd have been there without one..." I shudder._

 

 

"Well, obviously the last few days took their toll on you... I can hardly fault you for wanting to blow off steam. Neither of us is exactly the picture of mental health on a good day... So we had a reminder of the outside world and it was the wake-up call we needed, and now we'll be better prepared. No more lying around in the sun without weapons on hand." I kiss your lips.

"Oh... and the beauty and brawn will try to live up to expectations," I say dryly. "I did manage to keep your empire running for a year without any critical issues... in between lifting weights and buying hair products, of course..."

 

_"Fuck off - you know I think highly of your brain," I grin. "It's just that *_ _between the two of us*_ _, I'm supposed to be the genius, thank you very much. And - I'm responsible for you," I maintain stubbornly. "You know how you feel responsible for my safety? Well it works the same the other way round. I'm supposed to foresee potential problems and take precautions - and then you're supposed to deal with clear and present danger when it presents itself. That's the rules. The fact that you can think as well - ok, think very well - doesn't mean that I should get complacent._

_But OK, OK..." I throw up my hands when I see you're getting exasperated, "we're both to blame. We both got so worked up in our little bubble of emotional issues that we forgot that there's a world out there that's mostly out to kill us. And we won't, any more. We'll both carry a gun everywhere, we'll lock the bloody gate... I'll get in touch with Eduardo again tomorrow, make sure he knows that it would be a *_ _very*_ _sad day for him indeed if we were to pass away... as well as check that he's confident that we'll be alright from now on."_

_I lean my head against you. "I can't lose you Tiger... never..."_

 

 

“You won’t lose me...” I wrap an arm around you protectively, rest my head against yours. I can’t help it - I think back to when I first thought you had died. The blistering hellfire of pain and grief that had annihilated my life... and I shudder at the memory. (Has it only been a week since you returned??)

I’ve already been through that once... I am not going through it again. “And I’m not losing you, either,” I say fiercely. “Failure is not a motherfucking option.”

The doorbell rings, and we look at each other. “Shall I show the police in, darling? You can work yourself into a state...”

 

_"Alright my darling - you could do with looking a bit more shaken yourself..." I grin, satisfied, as your face changes to your shell-shocked innocent, and I do my own - my hair is still a mess from our fuck, I rub my eyes so they become red, push out a few tears, look bewildered and start shivering as I set myself down on a kitchen chair._

 

 

I chuckle when I see your transformation, and then allow that chuckle to turn into a shuddering sigh as I pat your shoulder. I had a few acting tricks up my sleeve before I met you, but watching you in action for four years was like studying with a master. I walk slowly to the front door, where the doorbell is now ringing repeatedly. They can just hold their damn horses, I'm buying my beloved some more time...

I throw the door open, clutching my chest. "Thank god you're here!" I shout in my poshest accent. "My husband is in hysterics, as you can imagine! Please come in, and take these terrible bodies away - we just want to move on with our lives..." I say, covering my eyes with my hands. "Sorry, I'm completely overwhelmed by what just happened..."

"What did happen, Señor?" One police officer says in strongly accented English, as he steps over the threshold. His partner is silent as he walks in, looking around the villa.

"We were in the kitchen talking about dinner, and suddenly we were experiencing a home invasion - that's what happened..." I walk to the kitchen, as they trail behind me.

"Adam, darling... I'm so sorry I left you alone for a minute. These lovely police officers are here to make their report, and take the bodies away..."

 

 

_"... Juana... poor Juana... they just... shot her... tried to shoot us..." I speak monotonously, practically catatonic. "We were just... on holiday... they kept shouting at us - I couldn't understand them - I speak a bit of Spanish, but not... they spoke so fast, and I'm not used to Mexican Spanish... and Juana shouted back at them... and they just... shot her... shot at *_ _us*_ _..." I start crying hysterically - don't want them to get too comfortable here._

 

"Oh, precious... Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through this, my sweet angel..." I lean down and kiss your face repeatedly. When I look up, the officers are looking uncomfortable and tense. "My husband is a very sensitive soul, so you can imagine what this has done to him. He refuses to let me kill _insects_ for heaven's sake... have you ever heard of such a thing? I swear, the number of spiders I've had to take outside..." I sigh. "He's going to need therapy for _years_..."

The police officer clears his throat. "Señores, if we could just go over the details... these three men are the intruders, and this woman is who?"

"We hired a nurse; I had a jet-ski accident and hurt my neck, and it doesn't hurt to be careful... but I noticed she was looking around the villa as if she was... _appraising_. Could she have told these men about us?"

The police officer shrugs. "It's possible. What's her full name?"

"My husband did the hiring... Lamb-chop? What was poor Juana's last name?"

 

_*Lamb-chop*?!?_ _Oh, you are so dead, Tiger... "Spiders aren't insects... they're arthropods, like insects, but unlike insects they're chelicerata... I told you, schnoockums..." I sob._

 

 

"My husband... so clever, but can't handle any kind of stress..." I say to the police officers, who are starting to look amused, then I lean down to you. "Yes, honey - you did tell me, many times. Now try to focus, my little cupcake... what was Juana's last name?"

 

 

_"Castellanos... I think it was Castellanos... such a beautiful name... such a beautiful girl..." I break down again into loud, ugly sobs._

 

 

"Poor darling, you just need a sedative, and you'll be a right as rain..." I soothe.

One of the police officers takes out a pad of paper and writes something down. "Castellanos? All right. We'll run it through the system, see what we find. Anywhere these men might have found out about you? This is a pretty nice villa... have you been going into the village, buying a lot of things, having fancy dinners?"

"Not at all!" I protest. "We've been right here, other than when I wanted to try jet-skiing. Which he _told_ me was a bad idea, but did I listen?"

"No, you did not!" you stop your sobbing to interject.

"No, I did not! And look what happens when I don't listen to you, sugar-pie..."

"Just a couple more questions... " the police officer interrupts. "So you shot three armed men... do you have some kind of background in law enforcement?"

"Military," I correct.

"Ah. And you just happened to have a gun with you in the kitchen?"

"Well, we've heard about some terrible things happening to tourists, and thought it was better to be safe than sorry... and look what happened!" I say, indignantly.

"Well, we'll know more when we run their IDs, but it seems like they're the type of men who scope out fancy places, and target rich tourists. So we're just going to take a few pictures of the scene, and someone's on their way to pick up the bodies. You gentlemen just relax..."

"Did you hear that, Adam? The nightmare is almost over... Can I get you a drink, my sweetheart?" I croon.

You burst into fresh sobs, and I pat you on the shoulder.

"I'm just going to get him a drink..." I say apologetically. The officers ignore me as they take photos of the bodies from different angles.

When I hand you a rum and coke, you stop sobbing just long enough to drink it, and then continue your noisy weeping. The officers keep glancing over, looking horrified.

"There, there, sweetie... another?"

 

 

_"I shouldn't - not if you're getting me a sedative in a moment... I just want to go to sleep, forget this whole nightmare... I wish we hadn't bought this place now... I'm going to phone my therapist tomorrow - you should too... How can men like this just... If you hadn't had your gun... I told you not to carry it with you, said you were paranoid... I was so stupid..." Hysterical sobbing again. Fuck's sake officers, this is starting to hurt my throat. Be nice and just piss off._

 

 

Nice work, baby... the officers could not seem less interested in asking us any more questions... The doorbell rings, and I show in the nice men carrying stretchers. You continue to weep, I continue to soothe, and the officers talk to themselves. After the bodies are carried off, the police tell us they'll keep us posted about what they find out about the nurse and the home invaders... I slip them a roll of cash, they thank me and leave their card. As I'm showing them out the front door, I hear loud whimpering from the kitchen.

"Thank you again, officers... I'd best get to my dear husband... now the healing can begin."

They raise their eyebrows. "Good luck with that, Señor..." the officer says and they leave, chuckling.

I return to the kitchen, clapping. "Bravo... they think Adam Lambert is a complete head case, and they couldn't wait to leave..."

 

 

"Follow them out, lock the gate... Security consciousness first... While I consider what punishment I'll have to inflict upon you for 'lamb-chop', 'cupcake', and 'sugar-pie'," I grin. "Fuck's sake, I was trying to * _sob*_ , not burst into hysterical giggles... but well done, you were amazing as the long-suffering hot husband of the smart rich madman... oh wait, that's who we actually are..."

You go to lock the gate, come back into the kitchen, where I've poured you a well-deserved drink.

"Bloody hell Tiger... reckon we'll * _ever*_ manage that quiet day?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:
> 
> Home Invasion - Steven Wilson  
> Ecstasy - PJ Harvey  
> Angel with a Shotgun - The Cab  
> Psycho Killer - Talking Heads  
> Killing Strangers - Marilyn Manson


	7. A Kind of Magic

"Maybe we can't plan a quiet day... maybe it just has to happen naturally?" I shrug, and lift the glass to my lips. "Mmmm... I missed you, alcohol..."

I grin at you. "And why must I be punished for staying in character? I believe Jake is the kind of man who would call his mad husband all kinds of lovely nicknames. I thought it was sweet, cupcake..." I lean back against the counter, laughing.

 

 

_I growl at you, grinning. "You try calling me cupcake one more time, and my revenge shall be terrible... honeysop."_

 

 

"Honeysop?" I snicker. "So what kind of revenge are we talking? What if it just slips out? And is it just cupcake that will make you wreak vengeance on me? Can I have a pass on lamb-chop or sugar-pie? They're _adorable_..."

 

 

 _"Where did you get fucking *_ _lamb-chop*?!_ _I'm just struggling to picture one that looks remotely endearing... my flitter-mouse..." I giggle._

 

 

"I have _no_ idea, I must have heard it in a film or read it somewhere... All right, I will not be adding these terms of endearment to my list... your revenge is too terrifying to contemplate. It could be highly enjoyable, or... not. You can be a cruel thing, my darling..." I kiss your hand.

"So... shall I make us some sangria? I meant what I said... I want to watch the sunset with you."

 

 

_"Sounds like an excellent plan. Let's cuddle up and watch the sunset and then... well, I think I promised you something if you were a good Tiger... and you have been way more than that - you've been a magnificent Tiger indeed. So... you still up for that, after our sangria sunset?"_

 

 

I sigh happily. " _Am_ I? What do you think??" I lean in and kiss you. "Watching the most beautiful man I've ever seen pleasure himself for me... and then suck me off? It's the only thing that could follow a sangria sunset and be even more stunning..." I kiss you again. "Mmm... I can't wait 'til the sun goes down, baby..."

 

 

_"Sun sets very quickly around here... we better get on with the sangria..." I pour some bottles into the pitcher while you, the knife artist, demonstrate your skills on some innocent fruits, and chuck them in. You carry the pitcher outside as I gather some nibbles, and we settle on our lounge chairs with a glass each and the nibbles within reach._

_"Once again, perfect bliss... and this time not marred by the imminent arrival of nurse Rozetta..."_

_I raise my glass. "Cheers. To the end of a - not quiet, but *_ _relaxing*_ _day..."_

 

 

I raise my glass and clink yours. "Couldn't have said it better myself." I sip the sangria. "Damn. That's really good." I help myself to some of the snacks you've arranged. "Also really good.. thanks, babe..." I continue to munch and sip while staring at the sea as the sky slowly darkens. "So has this changed your mind about staying here for a while? We had four bodies in the kitchen, and police asking questions. It's not our perfect little bubble anymore..."

 

 

_Hmmm... good question, my head of security..._

_"Well... I do feel like Eduardo has sat up and taken an interest now... and we're both more alert... Thing is, wherever we go, it's going to be the same, isn't it? I mean, we could go somewhere the Moriarty Empire has never reached, but how long would we last before one of us kills someone? I mean - it just seems to sort of *_ _happen*_ _... We could try our best not to, but... is that really the life you want? You're a killer, Tiger - the *_ _look*_ _in your eyes in the kitchen earlier; you were *_ _so*_ _alive... And I'm the same - less hands-on, but I need a challenge, or I get bored, and... well, you know what an arsehole I am when I get bored._

 _Nah, I think we're as good here as we're going to be anywhere. Certainly safer than in London. Let's stick around for a bit - I like the place. And - well, I'm sure there's some more stuff we need to sort out, and we're going to have that *_ _fucking*_ _quiet day if it kills me..."_

 

 

I beam at you. "I like it here, too. Love it, actually. And today was _fun_ , even if it ended up being the opposite of a quiet day."

I contemplate what you said as I sip my sangria. "Yeah, I imagine it would be the same wherever we go... I don't think I need the same amount of destruction and violence I needed before, but... it's still there, under my skin. And I think we've established I'm a pretty temperamental headcase when I get bored..." I say drily. "So... We've changed, but we are who we are. I guess we just need to figure out what kind of life we want now. And maybe that will change in five years and we'll have to figure it out again. It feels like... the world is our oyster, and we can do what we want. I could get used to this... it feels pretty sweet," I sigh in contentment, and finish my sangria. "And- I'm OK with going back to London when we're ready. But I'm happy to be here for now."

_I snuggle closer to you, delight in you wrapping your arm around me - it's almost automatic now, this gentle intimate gesture that was unthinkable for so long... how many nights have I spent sitting beside you on the couch, wishing I could do just that - move towards you and have your arm fit around me, keeping me safe... but I'd never let myself, of course not, how could I show weakness..._

_Oh my Tiger..._

_I put my arms around your chest, cuddle as close as I can, burying my face into your chest - I'm not crying-_

 

 

When you cuddle up to me, I feel so warm and glowy inside... I absolutely adore how physically close and affectionate we've become. I love how strong and protective I feel when you're resting against my chest. Oh - wait –

"Jim? You OK?" I run my hands lightly along your back. Are you- crying?

 

 

_Don't ask if I'm ok when my throat's tight like this - how can I answer?_

_"I'm fine Tiger..." oh yes that sounds convincing. "I - really am. I was just - thinking of how great it is to just - be close like this. How I didn't let myself - didn't let us - for so long... such wasted time... I so longed for you, Tiger... but I couldn't let myself show weakness... so I just sat there, alone, cold... refusing the comfort that was right beside me. And now - here it is... so uncomplicated and so pure... so naturally mine to claim whenever I want, so unrestrictedly given... It's just... sorry, I'm a sentimental fool..."_

 

 

"You... longed for me?" I blink in disbelief at the top of your head. "You didn't tell me _that_ … I kept looking for signs that you felt something for me... I was compiling a goddamn list like a sixteen year old girl - 'the way he touched my face that time when he was sad'... 'how he looked at me after we fucked in the shower'... 'how he freaked out when I got shot'... but then you'd always go back to the way you were. And I convinced myself I was just seeing what I wanted to see..." I trail off. "So - both of us were sitting there not touching, and wishing we were touching? Then - we were _both_ idiots..."

 

 

 _"Oh god yes... we were... but I was the bigger idiot - I mean, you *_ _knew*_ _you'd be rebuffed if you'd dare touch - even if I'd been starving for it - had you actually dared *_ _do*_ _it I'd have come down on you like a ton of bricks. Whereas I - somewhere I knew I'd be welcomed - but I wouldn't accept that thought, because it would mean - stuff we shouldn't get into now..." I say, tired. I know we have to discuss this painful elephant in the room, but... some other time. Now is the time to drink sangria, and watch the sunset, which is behind us, but it's still nice to watch the sky and sea change into so many subtle shades of colour, and enjoy the close cuddling we can now enjoy._

_I kiss your hand, have another sip of my sangria._

 

 

I don't say it, but I do have the thought - that I could have just... told you I _knew_ you had feelings for me, and said that I would leave if you didn't admit it. And then when you inevitably laughed or freaked out, I could have left. After all, leaving was what brought you to me a week ago (albeit with a gun in your hand, but strangely it all worked out)… but you don't seem up for a painful and difficult conversation - for once! Maybe the beauty of the moment finally made your mind feel satisfied with what we have right now - danger behind us, love between us, and the sun setting seemingly just for us. I top up our glasses with the last of the sangria.

"Sunsets are so beautiful, babe... do you think people know about them?" You roll your eyes at me and I grin. "But it's kind of amazing, if you think about it- I will _never_ forget this sangria sunset with you. Why would anyone be indoors when they could be outside looking at _this_ … humans are fucking weird."

_"Well, if you can cast your mind back to the grey mists of time called London, usually the only way we realized a sunset was happening was because we needed to turn the lights on. It's not like most humans have an unobstructed view of the sea to relax at... But I'll never forget this particular one with you, either. The one where we were cuddled up, watching the sea, after you dispatched three men trying to kill me in our kitchen and I'd tortured a nurse for you... *_ _so*_ _fucking romantic..."_

_I see you smile and I'll fight any aesthete who claims he's found anything more beautiful than just that. I smile in response and put my arm around your chest, sighing happily._

_We sit like that, silent, watching the sea turn darker for a long time._

_And I wish I had the power to make time freeze. I'd happily spend eternity like this._

 

 

It feels absolutely blissful being here with you... like all the upset feelings of the last few days have been painted over with this sunset. But there's something else I'd _really_ like to do before we get sleepy. I lean in and whisper in your ear, "I'm so happy to be here with you... but I can't help thinking about a certain something that's supposed to happen tonight... And I hear they're making sunsets a nightly event now, so we could just catch the next one tomorrow... Should we go inside?" I look at you suggestively. "Or - I guess we _could_ stay out here if we turned your fairy lights on, so I could see what you wanted to show me..."

 

 

_"Hmmm... I am getting a bit chilly... not too keen to get my clothes off out here. Let's go inside..." We are both hungry for the evening's entertainment, but with our new safety-consciousness we make sure all doors and windows are closed and locked before we get upstairs._

_I look at you - you look the absolute paragon of health. There's no reason why I couldn't spice things up, just a little, is there? Just making sure you focus on the show..._

_I point to the headboard: "Hands above your head."_

_As I close the cuffs around your hands, I kiss your palms - yet another simple gesture of intimacy that would have been unthinkable before. I almost add a capital... thinking of Before... it's practically a BC/AD thing._

_I look into your eyes, so dark blue, so hungry, so loving... I kiss you eagerly._

Before too long, we're safely inside for the night, and I'm cuffed to a headboard. You must be feeling more confident of my recovery... which is such a relief. Not that I mind being coddled by it you, it's so sweet - but being denied more rambunctious elements of our sex life (or sex at all!!) has not been fun.

You kiss me and it nearly sets my head on fire. Oh god... things have already heated up, and we haven't even begun.

Thank Christ we fucked today, so I've already come once - I find myself feeling grateful to the idiots who threw themselves in harm's way by breaking into _our_ home, so I could be the hero and protect my man.

YOU definitely enjoyed that, once it was all taken care of and I had protected you. Now I'm looking up at you with so much love and desire, and waiting for you to begin.

 

 

_"I told you you'd get the show if you were a good Tiger... you have been far more than that, my love... so you deserve something special, don't you think?" I take out a blindfold, smile when I see your dismayed expression._

_"Don't worry, it's going to come off... just let me prepare a few things first." I blindfold you, kiss you softly, then rummage around in my luggage. It's not ironed, but it'll have to do..._

_When I take off your blindfold, I'm wearing a full suit and tie, cufflinks, leather-soled shoes, the lot. I've even smoothed back my hair. I press 'play' on the stereo and Grieg's In the Hall of the Mountain King sounds through the bedroom._

_Welcome Tiger, to a sight as yet unseen by man or beast - James Moriarty stripping..._

 

 

I feel so disheartened when I see the blindfold - you used one on me often enough in the past, but I thought tonight was all about watching? And I want to see... everything. You assure me that it's only temporary, and I relax.

I'm so curious about what you're doing in the closet, but I know better than to ask... and I definitely don't want to be penalized for being impatient. So I wait like a good boy... and when the blindfold comes off, I blink in confusion. A suit, Jim?? Why on earth would you need - the music starts and my mouth drops open.

Holy.

Fuck.

Are you _stripping_ for me???

 

 

_Oh yes, that was the right choice... I think your eyes are going to fall out of your sockets; and your mouth hangs open._

_I do have good moves and I like showing them off - but I've never simultaneously removed my clothing. It can't be that hard..._

_The shoes come off first, and the socks - it's hard to do that elegantly, but I kind of manage by standing on the toes and pulling my foot out. Then the tie... pulling it looser while moving to the music, pulling it off over my head, discarding it onto the floor - yes, I know, but stopping the striptease to hang it up properly isn't quite conducive to a sensual mood._

_Then the cufflinks - and you practically start drooling... yes, that should take you back... things are going down when the cufflinks come off..._

_I unbutton my jacket, shrug it off, dance closer to you as I start unbuttoning my shirt..._

 

 

Somehow through the white noise in my head that started the moment I realized you were about to strip for me, I recognize that it's to classical music... nothing could be more _you_ , and I'm just thrilled it's not one of the more atrocious pop stars that you so like to listen to. I recognize the song, and I know it's going to get _dramatic_... Grieg? Yes... _In the Hall of the Mountain King_ … my cultured upbringing doesn't come into play very often in everyday life, but apparently it's at the ready for when my husband strips for me to classical music. Why am I thinking about this?? The shoes and tie are on the floor, and there are _cufflinks_ coming off... now the jacket... oh god... I watch you move closer, as you unbutton your shirt, and I'm literally panting as I anticipate seeing all that _skin_...

_You're panting already... time to spice things up... I slide a hand down after undoing a button and rub the growing bulge in my trousers, looking at you with sultry eyes._

_The rest of the shirt buttons follow and the shirt goes, slowly, in a dance movement involving both front and back views of the Lesser Moriarty Torso - it's nothing compared to yours, but from the look on your face it's very much appreciated nonetheless._

_And then the trousers... I slowly undo the buttons, slide them down my swaying hips, revealing I've exchanged my earlier boxers for black silk briefs, which show off my pert buttocks quite favourably, if I say so myself. You seem to agree. Finally, in a sweeping finale that would have had a standing ovation in any music hall, these are slowly removed to reveal said pert buttocks and a by now quite impressive erection._

_I'm sure you would have provided a standing ovation if I hadn't tied you to the bed - parts of you are certainly standing..._

_"See how hot you make me, Tiger?" I purr, stroking my cock._

 

 

I feel like my mind is disintegrating as I watch. When you rub your bulge while staring at me all seductively, I get so hard so fast it takes my breath away. I watch the shirt slide off to reveal your lean, svelte torso, your strong, muscled arms... no one looks at you and thinks you'd be a strong fighter, but I know what power lies coiled up within that taut body of yours. I'm so turned on already, and you haven't even got to your trousers yet...  
When they slide down, I'm watching transfixed at how you move your body, at your _arse_ … goddamn, you're a thing of beauty... I've seen you dance countless times, for you it's like breathing, but I've never seen a performance like this before - I feel like I'm watching you in a concert hall with chandeliers and shining lights and red roses being thrown at you. When you reach your finale and pull off your briefs, I'm in fucking _awe_. I'm staring at your perfect arse, and then at your gorgeous erect cock and you look like more of a god to me than _ever_... my dark god of sex, beauty, love, and desire.. my god of fuck...  
Then you ask me something which I barely hear, because you've started stroking yourself... what did you say? Oh... _yes_...  
Reflexively, I pull against my cuffs. If I could I would be devouring you whole, fucking you into oblivion...

But instead I have to sit and watch you as you... ohhh... I don't even know how to answer your question; my mind and mouth seem to have lost their connection. I make a growling sound in my throat and lick my lips.

_It looks like I made your brain melt. Well. It's not often that Sebastian Moriarty né Moran is unable to speak... Instead my Tiger growls and pulls at his restraints. Oh no, my love, this performance is not interactive... But it is something to be repeated, by the look of it._

_I switch off the music, climb onto the bed, sit on your hips, let my cock rub against yours through the cloth of your boxers. "Mmm... what have we here? A gift for me? Can I unpack it?" I pull up the waistband, pull your boxers down to reveal your beautiful erection. I gently move my hand around both our cocks, then sit back a little bit. "Very lovely, very lovely indeed, but I go first..."_

_I look into your eyes as my hand starts moving on my cock, slowly, in big strokes. Your eyes look into mine for a second, but are then drawn to my crotch - grow large and hungry..._

 

 

I'm breathing faster as you move towards me, staring hungrily at you as you pull my boxers off, touch my erection, but then- _noooooo_ , your hand moves away and I have to stop myself from pulling hard on my restraints in frustration.

  
Then you're stroking yourself again, and my breath hitches in my throat. I don't know how I'm going to keep from coming as I watch you, but I _have_ to, I _have_ to, if I want that epic blow job, and I _do_... I want your mouth on me, _god_ , do I... I tear my eyes away from your cock to look at you, and your mouth is slightly open and your eyes are half-closed, and fuck, this is just making it harder, because you're so goddamn beautiful, like a fey creature here to tempt me into his dark realm. And the answer is _yes_ , always fucking _yes_ , and I hear a rumbling sound coming from deep in my throat and a clank of the cuffs against the bed frame, as I strain against them harder while I watch you stroke your beautiful cock for me. "Oh god, Jim... I moan. " _Yes_..."

 

 

_It looks like I was right in my decision to chain you to the bed... you're struggling to get loose, and we can't have your hands just roam at will, can we?_

_You're *_ _deeply*_ _enchanted, incredibly turned on, and hotter than hell... "God, you're a sight to behold in your full glory, Sebastian... Your eyes are nearly black with lust for me, your hands straining at the cuffs to touch me, or touch your beautiful cock, so hard at the sight of me. You are so incredibly beautiful... and all mine, always... *_ _So*_ _hot... And soon I'm going to spill my seed all over that hot sexy chest, over my marks on it, over my initials in it... And then I'm going to suck that magnificent cock of yours, make you come into my mouth... because I *_ _never*_ _get enough of you..."_

 

 

I let out a strangled moan. It's hard enough not to come as you're touching yourself, but now I have your words flowing over me like warm honey ... telling me all the things you're going to do to me, in that voice, that fucking _voice_ … "Oh... Jim..." I groan. "You're so fucking beautiful... please..."

 

 

_“Please what, my lamb-chop?” I tease, but you’re beyond teasing - you’re utterly frantic for me, and that is so very hot..._

_I look at you, desperate and hard in chains, like so often Before, but so much better now - still completely at my mercy, but loving *_ _every*_ _aspect of it. As am I... god Sebastian, my hero, my love..._

_So... fucking... *_ _hot*_ _..._

_I groan, feel my pleasure building, pushing itself up, and out... pouring over your chest in shudders, as my right hand clenches your hip..._

_“God... Sebastian... Tiger...”_

 

 

Oh god, I know that look on your face, the sound of your voice, all breathy and... ohhh... you’re so close... and so am I, just from how bloody hot you are...

I shiver at the feeling of your hand on my hip, gripping hard, and then... I watch as my gorgeous Jim is overcome with shuddering desire and it pours out all over my chest, and it’s like looking at the face of god but not being blinded by it, just gazing at you in utter rapture... my dark lord, my beautiful love... “Jim... you’re so hot... so hot...”

 

 

_I moan as I come, again, how often have I had an orgasm in the past few days? And how many of them have been fucking *_ _spectacular*_ _?_

_I pant and tremble as I come down from the high, "God... Tiger... you're fucking amazing... so incredibly hot... just give me... one second..." I'm trying to catch my breath, reach out for the bottle of water on the nightstand, have a big gulp. "Wow... that was... wow."_

_Slowly, I manage to catch my breath, and you look about ready to explode if I so much as point at you..._

_I smile at you, slide down your legs, and let my hand close around your balls - already so tight... I lick my lips, lick a luscious stripe from the bottom of your cock to the tip - kiss it, gently, little kisses, letting my tongue flick out for little licks over the sensitive head._

 

 

It's so hard to wait as you recover but I watch you hungrily, wanting to devour you. And then you're finally there, your mouth at my cock, and I suck in my breath when I feel your tongue, and throw my head back, and I'm moaning as I feel you tease me with your lips... My eyes close briefly as I let out a loud groan, but I don't want to miss a single second of watching you... watching your clever tongue flick out over your lips, oh _GOD_ , "Jim... oh baby you get me so hot... I fucking love you, I fucking want you..." I rant, still straining at the cuffs, trying to move into your mouth, oh god, you're such a beautiful fucking tease, Jim...

 

 

_It’s not like you to struggle so much... I must be really driving you crazy. Mmm..._

_I lick around your head, then take you in deep and slow again... moving my head slowly up and down, hearing you moan..._

_“Tell me what you want, Tiger... I can keep going slooooow for as long as you like... letting you enjoy as much as you want... tell me when you want to come, and I’ll make you come, Tiger. It’s in your hands...”_

 

 

Oh god, really?? "God, Jim..." I groan. "Your mouth feels - so fucking amazing... but you got me so hot with your stripping and touching yourself, oh _god_ it's been so hard not to come... you're so fucking hot... please make me come, Jim... please, I'm so ready to come..."

 

 

_Your wish is... well, my wish, Tiger._

_I get to serious work – now is not the time to go slow, maybe tomorrow, or later... we have all our lives..._

_I move quicker, up and down, engaging my lips, my tongue, tickling your balls - this won't take long..._

 

 

Oh god... now you’re really going at it, and it’s even hotter.... I’m looking down at you, and I’m moaning your name, thrusting forward into your mouth. “Oh, _Fuck_...” I grunt, perspiration beading on my chest. “Oh _god_ , Jim... it’s so fucking good... oh fuck, _Jim_ ”, I moan deliriously, my head thrown back, shivers moving through my body... so good... so _bloody good_...

_Yes, Tiger, that's it... writhe for me, groan for me, moan for me, shiver for me... I give it my all, and you come undone, the cuffs' chains rattle as you buckle and thrash in a violent orgasm, and your seed spouts into my throat. I swallow, keep sucking, licking, moving, and you are a delight as you're spasming and whining under my ministrations..._

_Enjoy it, Tiger, you've earned every little bit of this._

 

 

I’m gasping, moaning, shuddering for what seems an eternity... your mouth continues to work its magic, and prolongs eternity. I’m practically collapsing, the cuffs holding me up as I try to catch my breath. “Oh... god... amazing... you bloody hot genius...” I haven’t known what was leaving my mouth since your clothes started coming off. I gaze at you, entranced. “Jim, that was...” I shake my head. “No words could do it fucking justice. You’re out of this world, baby...”

 

 

_"Hmmm..." I grin, coming upright again, wiping my mouth. "I know... but it's good to have it confirmed occasionally."_

_I kiss you languorously, then get up to get a damp washcloth and clean us both off, before I unchain you. Your arms shoot out to grab me and pull me down on top of you, and we kiss, sweetly, lovingly, for what seems like both a very long time and not nearly long enough. Your heartbeat calms underneath me, your strong hands caress me, your lips feel so significant against mine..._

_"My love.... you were amazing today. You are amazing all days..."_

 

 

Of course you leave me chained up until you're done cleaning us up... my hot little fucker. When I finally get my hands on you, we fall into kissing each other sweetly and softly, once again feeling like adolescents in love.

When I hear your words I sigh with contentment. "Well, I have to be amazing to be with you, don't I..." I say in a lazy drawl. "I'm also the luckiest bastard in the world to have seen what I saw... and not have my eyes burn out. Holy fuck... I think you melted my brain, though. I may only be able to express very simple concepts from now on. Jim sexy. Jim smart. Want to fuck Jim. Want steak fajitas. Mmm. Good."

_I giggle. "How is this different from your normal discourse? -OI! You're not supposed to exert yourself, remember?" I snuggle into the undamaged half of your neck._

_"You deserved every bit of that, and so much more, Tiger. You were magnificent today - every inch the killer I was so impressed by - before I found out all the other things about you I should be impressed by... You're quite special, you know that?" I stroke your chest, your jaw, your beard - I really must tell you to shave that monstrosity off..._

 

 

"Aww... thanks, babe," I beam at you. "You're pretty fucking special, too. I really do feel so lucky to have you..." I'm filled with blissy pleasure as you stroke me... When I feel your fingers in my beard, I try not to react. How have I lasted this long without being ordered into the bathroom with a straight razor? It's a testament to how distracted we've been the last week that it still exists.

I kiss your neck. "What do you feel like doing tomorrow, babe? I should order more food, steak fajitas really do sound good..."

_"Sounds good..." I murmur, still stroking you. I don't care that much about food - it's good if it's there, if it isn't, I manage. You seem remarkably attached to the stuff though._

_I stretch, look at the clock. "It's only half eight - want to watch a film or something? We had that nap in the afternoon - I'm not really tired, though it's pleasant to just lie here with you..."_

 

 

"Mmm... more Game of Thrones? Unless there's a film you'd rather see..."

 

 

_"Sure... we don't even have to move, we should be able to get it on the telly here... I'll do the difficult button work, you do the hard labour of getting us a drink," I suggest, well, order, oh well, technicalities... and soon we are both sipping a rum and coke, snuggled up closely together against a wall of pillows, holding hands, watching Khal Drogo giving Viserys the golden crown he's been craving and giggling in delight._

_God, this is the best feeling ever. Do normal people have this every day? They watch telly all the time, usually with the person they married... how incredibly happy they must feel..._

 

 

You're actually letting me _do_ something when you suggest I make drinks, which means you must be relaxing about me recovering from my wound... such a relief. I guess after the gunfight and aggressive sex, it would seem silly to fret about pouring liquids into a glass.

I'm so enjoying watching this show with you - it feels like another universe; the time when we never did things like this, and you spent all your time either working or devising symphonies of pain to inflict during our sex-games.

When the episode finishes, I lean over and kiss you. "Babe, you would do so well in this world... and there are so many insufferable characters you could kill. Do you want to watch another episode before bed?"

You agree, and I go fetch us more drinks. I settle back into our cocoon of pillows and blankets, and you cuddle against me. Then the music is swelling and you're clapping with glee. I laugh with delight at your comically excited face - the sight is even more beautiful to me than a sangria sunset, and I kiss your hand and hold it over my heart as the show begins.

_We’re singing along with the catchy theme song in exaggerated voices, giggling and laughing and cuddling and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy and carefree - or have been so myself, for that matter._

_There is a lot of guilt there still but I can suppress it for now - let’s just enjoy the moment...._

_We’re cuddling and hugging and touching as the episode ends, and suddenly I have a thought..._

_“Sebbie?”_

_You look at me, eyes immediately serious at my changed tone. And apprehensive - no don’t worry, Tiger, I’m not going to bring up difficult shit again._

_I feel my face get hot - am I *_ _blushing*?!_ _Am I suddenly fucking *_ _shy*_ _for my Tiger? After all we’ve been through together, after all the things I’ve asked - or told - you to do before..._

_“Seb, there’s something... there’s something I’ve never done. Not with you, not with anyone... and... I’d really like to...”_

_You look at me, blue eyes open and trusting and so eager to please, to help, to grant my wish._

_It’s silly really - you probably hate it, had to do it as a teen... whereas I... have seen others, but never had the chance myself..._

_No that’s not true, I had the chance; I just never took it. The situation was never right... it seems something so intimate... so special..._

_It seems right that I saved that for you. Saved it until this moment, now we’re married and comfortable together._

_“Tiger... Sebastian... will you dance with me?”_

You never stop surprising me, Jim...

"You want me - to dance with you?" I echo.

A memory flashes back to me of a dance held at Eton. David and I are looking at each other from across the room, before we ever got together. I ask a girl to dance, and he looks crushed and walks away. I spend the evening dancing with this beautiful girl who's so bloody inane, and won't stop fucking _talking_... and I never forgot the feeling of looking with longing at someone I actually wanted to dance with.

 

I kiss your hand, and get up. I go to the stereo, attach my phone and scroll through my library.

"Jim... I have a playlist of slow songs that I put together after we started shagging. And I used to listen to them, and sing along with them, and cry to them, and imagine all sorts of ridiculously romantic scenarios with you... It was like a deep, dark secret I carried, " I confess, looking up from the screen of my phone. "And one of these romantic scenarios was slow dancing with you... and even after we got married, it didn't even cross my mind to ask, because I was so used to pushing that desire away. Baby..." I say, my voice wavering. "I would love nothing more than to dance with you..."

I extend my hand out to you, as the first notes of Queen's A Kind of Magic begins.

_You look stunned - of course, what a stupid silly request, we’re hardened criminals, we don’t *_ _dance*_ _... you probably think it’s some annoying thing you had to do as a kid and I’m stupid for suggesting it... you never liked watching Strictly Come Dancing with me..._

_But then you kiss me and go to the stereo and..._

_You had a playlist?!?_

_You... had a playlist of romantic songs... for me?!?_

_I can’t..._

_“Tiger... that’s... that’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever....”_

_My throat closes around the words - I let myself be guided into your arms - and you lead me into the first partner dance I’ve ever partaken in, and this is not a song I’d have pictured, but you are an excellent dancer, of course you are, and it’s everything I ever had imagined, feeling your body move with the music, the two of us moving together in a smooth pattern, it’s so much better than dancing alone because it’s everything that dancing alone is, but whilst touching and communicating with our bodies and feeling your smooth motions..._

_I am enraptured._

 

 

It turns out my background provided me with something else useful, which I never thought I'd use in my personal life again... how to lead in a partnered dance. We melt into moving together as if we've been dance partners for years. I set us off with a basic box step but since the song is so upbeat, I start throwing in fancier moves - unsurprisingly you're graceful, quick to respond and amazing at anticipating my next moves - it starts to feel like a romantic game of chess where neither player can ever defeat the other.

I move you in a fluid circle, and my heart swells to the music. I completely forgot this would be the first song - I couldn't listen to The Playlist after you died, and almost deleted it more times than I could count.

"I- saw you dance to this song once," I confess as I place my hand on the small of your back, and turn you. "You didn't know I was watching. I'd never seen you so free. You even looked happy - I'd never seen your face like that before - and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And I _so_ wanted to be a part of it... I longed to share that kind of experience with you..." You gaze at me in amazement. "I remember that..." you murmur. "I was as close to happy as I could get back then. And Seb... it doesn't compare to dancing with you..." I kiss you softly, not breaking from the swaying rhythm.  
"Get ready," I grin, and your eyes light up - I squeeze your hand in mine, drop the other from under your shoulder, and spin you out. Our eyes lock, and I pull you back in. Still holding your hand, I guide you into an underarm turn, then back into a slow, circling waltz until the music begins to fade, and I dip you slowly. When we return to standing, we don't separate and just stare at each other intently.  
"One more, babe?" I ask, and Walking After You by the Foo Fighters begins. I grin at you shyly. "You're not the only one who'd be a stalker, Boss..."

_“I think it’s kind of expected from a bodyguard to stalk his boss...” I murmur, as you pull me close into My First Slowdance._

_And it’s everything I ever wanted it to be. I’m in the arms of the world’s most beautiful man, who rescued me from three armed men, then fucked me blind, who had a secret playlist of romantic songs that he made for me, which still makes me choke to think of it; who is an amazing lover and, as it turns out, an amazing dancer..._

_If I’d had a chance to be a normal teenager, you’d have been the man I would have dreamed of... as it is, you’re the man of the dreams I never knew I had._

_Dancing heart to heart, in our bedroom, on our honeymoon..._

_I never thought I could have *_ _romance*_ _. Not for me - for lucky ignoramuses who weren’t cursed with a big brain and an absent heart. I looked down on them - so corny and predictable..._

_Yeah right Jim... you’re a romantic at heart... now you have a heart. And you, Tiger... you’re such a soppy bastard given half the chance..._

_Well you have your chance now... I’m all fluttery heart and flowery eyes, dancing in your strong arms and feeling like every fairy-tale princess at the end of her film... dancing with Prince Charming and ready to live happily ever after..._

 

 

I am so blissed out to be dancing with you... this is what I've wanted for 27 years. _This_.

I want us to dance to every single song on this playlist, by the time we reach our first anniversary. OH - _anniversary_. It's still such a strange thought... but a very welcome one...

I also can't help but be swept up by the emotions of this song... A) because it's about someone walking out of a relationship and B) because of the memories of listening to this song in sorrow, when I didn't have your love. I cried to this song, so many times...

I thank my lucky stars for about the thousandth time that things worked out the way they did, and I have my beloved Jim in my arms - dancing to songs from my secret romantic playlist.

When the song ends, I press stop - and sweep you into a kiss.

"Thank you so much for asking, baby-" I murmur into your ear. "I would love to do this again..." I start pulling you towards the bed. "But right now, I just want to be lying down with you. Today was amazing, but I’m so ready for sleep...”

We crawl under the sheets and snuggle together. "Do you realize that we partly achieved our goal - no heavy processing? And OK, it wasn't _quiet_ considering there were 4 bodies in our kitchen, and a police investigation... but it was _fun_ , and I think that's even better. We had epic sex, watched a sangria sunset, you fucking _stripped_ for me and gave me an epic blowjob, we watched Game of Thrones, and we _slow danced_... I'd say overall it was the second best day of our honeymoon..." I say in a drowsy voice.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" I mumble into your shoulder, and close my eyes.

_You seem just as emotionally moved as I am - you’re holding me so tight and your hands tremble at points. My love..._

_you had a *_ _playlist*_ _._

_I just can’t get over that. A playlist for *_ _me*_ _. Oh Jim you blind idiot... what you could have had..._

_And for the thousandth time I thank you for being *_ _you*_ _, for being perfect and persevering against the impossible odds, for taking that leap back into life with me even when you didn’t know what it was going to be like... and now we have *_ _this*_ _..._

_I want to hear your entire playlist and dance with you to each and every one of the songs._

_I want to heal every bit of pain you felt listening to these, longing for me._

_The song ends and you pull me to the bed, saying you’re tired... Yes, you need your sleep, you’re still a recovering patient._

_You drop to sleep almost immediately, and for a long time I just sit in the twilight of the electronics, looking at your sleeping face._

_I thought I couldn’t love you more or my heart would burst. And every day I’m proven wrong. My heart wrenches, clenches, pounds, aches, and swells, unlimited it seems; my chest miraculously able to contain it still even though it’s increased its size immeasurably._

_I just sit, and stare, and try not to think, and manage to empty my mind of all considerations except you, your beauty, the peaceful, happy look on your face (go *_ _away*_ _guilt - not now), the small sounds you make as you dream, the quiet rhythm of your breathing._

_I have never felt so much, and I’ve never felt so happy, and I am refusing to let fear, doubt, and guilt in for now. I want to live this moment in full bliss, because I don’t know what the morning will bring._

_Finally, after more than an hour of meditation on my favourite subject, my eyes get tired, and I lie down beside you, feel you stir in your sleep and wrap your arms around me mumbling something that sounds like ‘kitten’, and with a mind more at peace than ever before, than I’d ever imagined possible, I fall asleep._

 

 ------------------------------------------------------End of Book 4-----------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Play list:
> 
> Hall of the Mountain King - Grieg  
> A Kind of Magic - Queen  
> Walking After You - Foo Fighters  
> Sour Times - Portishead  
> Moves like Jagger - Maroon 5  
> Let's Dance - David Bowie

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist:  
> Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think) - The Specials  
> You're My Best Friend- Queen  
> Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing - Queen Kong  
> Beat the Devil's Tattoo - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club  
> Get Down, Make Love - Nine Inch Nails  
> Red Right Hand - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds  
> Atlas Air - Massive Attack
> 
> If you've enjoyed Paradise Lost, be sure to read the next instalment in the Symbiotic Criminal Psychopaths series: Roses and Tequila for Santa Muerte: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217366/chapters/37906076


End file.
